: Oh hey, you’re actually writing things now. What, did being a lazy shithead stop being entertaining?
: Kinda. But I also finally got motivation!
: You had best proceed now, before you lose interest and fall into yet another creative slump for several months and inevitably pick up another project you will fail to complete.
: I’m sorry, are you just here to tell me I’m a failure the entire time?
: Not at all. Merely provide the kinetic and conflict-rich kickstart this bout needs. Although it has come to my attention that I might have exhausted that pool.
: Yeah…maybe this is the ill-fated seasonal rot era. Either way, we got a great clash here, so it’s time to GO!
——————————
Thousand Sunny, five clicks southeast of Dressrosa…
The heavens above were an almost perfect balance of clouds and clear skies, filtering the intense sunlight into warm rays that gently tanned the smooth bodies of two women on board the wooden vessel. As they turned on their back to even out their coating, their well-endowed upper bodies rippled and swayed from side to side, and jiggled just a little bit in the cool sea breeze.
“Ah…Robin-san, the weather is great, isn’t it?” one of the girls, an orange-haired beauty, breathed in an airy voice.
“Yes, it’s very relaxing.” Robin replied, turning to the next page in her book on the history of Ohara while sipping some juice.
Meanwhile, in the kitchen, a man wearing a crisp black suit was chopping radishes and sliding them into a magnificent salad spread, part of a massive banquet meal.
“Oh, I hope Nami-swan likes this meal…” the chef, Sanji, pleaded.
“Yohohohohohoho! It smells quite delectable. Perhaps it would be okay for me to take a sample tas-“
Sanji immediately smacked the intruder to the floor, giving him a large bump.
“Damn skeleton, this food is for Nami-san and Robin-chan! Know your place!”
“BROOK-SAN!”Â
Through the door came a short reindeer with a peculiar blue nose, a startled look etched on his face. With monstrous efficiency, he scanned Brook’s body and determined everything was okay.
“Ah, Chopper-san, thank you.”
“Hehehe, Brook, you asshole! Praising me won’t make me feel good, uuh…” Chopper swooned, clearly taking the compliment to heart.
“Sanji-san…?”
“Oh, Robin-chwaaaaaan? I’m comiiiiing!” Sanji cooed, his eyes bulging out and turning into hearts as he sashayed out the door with a tray balanced precariously on his arms, holding it up to Nami.
“Arigato, Sanji!”
With that, Nami blew a kiss towards the love-starved cook, who instantly fell to his knees, to the ire of a man lifting weights on the deck.
“Tch, pervert.”Â
His aura instantly shifting to one of fire, Sanji turned and fixed his steely gaze on former pirate hunter Roronoa Zoro.
“Oi, since when did I ask your opinion, you damn marimo?”
The two butted heads with looks of anger in their eyes, as Zoro reached for his swords and Sanji’s leg began to heat up.
Shaking her head, Robin crossed her arms and summoned forth a barrage of hands to ensnare Zoro and Sanji, separating them and pinning them to separate corners of the deck. The two did eventually calm down, although they still cast the occasional evil eye.
“Ah, see, you CAN get along!” Nami chastised, as she moved her sunglasses to her forehead. “Franky, are we still on course?”
“SUUUUUPER on course!”
The call came from a massive man holding the steering wheel, his appearance disguising the complex cybernetics just under his skin. Punctuating his confirmation, he raised his arms to the sky and flashed a golden star, brimming with dazzling style.
And sitting at the prow of the ship, a worn straw hat resting atop his head, was the captain of the motley crew. A man infamous enough to be the headliner of the worst generation of pirates, achieving numerous victories at Alabasta and Enies Lobby, and participating in the the Paramount War two years prior, “Mugiwara” Luffy, the man who would soon be the Pirate King.
“Shishishishi! Mingo, we’re coming for you!”
“Luffy, don’t get ahead of yourself! We don’t even know what we’re going to run into when we get there! It’s probably a trap!” Nami yelled.
“It’s okay, we’ll find a way to get through it! Then we’ll get something to eat after!”
“Is your stomach all you can think about?!”
Luffy shrugged, only to find himself set upon by an angry Nami and beaten senseless, as the sound of Luffy’s agonized cries echoed within the bowels of the ship, as a man with toned abs and a full head of black hair tinkered in his workshop.
“Mmm…how am I going to get these new star rounds done with all this noise?”
stop music
Some knew him as the resident sniper of the Straw Hat Crew. Others saw him as the Sniper King himself. Regardless, they all added up to a single common demoninator – the mighty Captain Usopp.
“Is this ship always this…chaotic?” questioned a man in black garb.
“It’s something you get used to. Has a bit of a homey charm to it. Maybe if you stay long enough you’ll like it too, huh Tra-guy?”
“I’ll probably go insane first.” Law sighed, as he walked over to the other notable guest on the ship – a being rippling with pinkish-purple gas and sporting a crazed expression.
“Thank god this trade is almost here, I don’t know how much more of this bastard I can handle.”Â
“The feeling is mutual.” Caesar Clown angrily muttered.
As nonchalant as ever, Law pulled out a container with a beating heart inside, and squeezed. Pain immediately shot through Caesar’s body as he gasped, feeling as if he was about to die.
“Gyaaah! Damn you, Trafalgar! If I had my heart I would finish you in an instant!”
“And if you tried, I’d cut you in two before you could move. Besides, you’re almost safe anyway, might as well suck it up until we get to Greenbit.”
“I would, if your friend wasn’t sucking me dry!”
“Hey, you’re being useful by giving me poison gas for my Instant Death-Smoke Star! You should be thankful, you’re actually contributing to society.” Usopp remarked, a bit smug.
As Caesar continued to grumble, there was a sudden earth-shaking rumble that knocked some of the technology from the shelves, leaving Usopp a bit unsteady.
“Whoaohoahoahhhohhhh, what’s that?”
The two raced outside to witness a barrage of fireballs falling from the sky about a click to the north, crash-landing with a steamy burst accompanying them.
“Big rumbling sounds and fireballs from the sky are almost never good signs.” Sanji mused, lighting his cigarette.
“Huh…hey, was that big black rock there like 5 seconds ago?” Luffy questioned.
Immediately, the crew turned up to see a massive shadow cast over their ship, and immediately felt puny next to the massive obstacle now threatening to smash their ship to pieces.
Naturally, there were a series of profoundly earsplitting cries as the more cowardly members of the crew ran around like headless chickens at the oncoming danger, prompting Zoro to stand up and pull out his Kitetsu.
“Ittoryu…”Â
Silence. And then…
“ONIGIRI!”
Quick as lightning, Zoro unleashed a slash that split the rock in two. The top half crumbled into the ocean, leaving behind a smooth hemispherical platform, shimmering like onyx.
“That’s odd, I didn’t detect any natural rock formations in this area on my sea charts…” Nami murmured.
Intrigued, Robin sat up and crossed her arms once more.
“Cien Fleur!”
Immediately, a hundred hands appeared on the rock and began feeling it out.
“Based on the texture, this isn’t a rock indigenous to this world. Most likely it originated from outside the planet’s atmosphere.” Robin concluded.
“Like a meteor?” Franky interjected, with Robin giving an imperceptible nod.
“SUUUUUUPEEEERRRR! I’ve been thinking about reinforcing the Sunny’s hull with meteor armor. Mingo sounds pretty tough and we need to be prepared.”
“Sounds fantastic. So…get going!” Nami goaded.
“Uh…Franky is not feeling very super at the moment.”
“Chopper-san?”
“I…need to take care of creating more medicine! You never know what might happen…hehe.”
“Fine. We’ll settle this in a different way…” Nami trailed off, taking a piece of paper and ripping it into chunks before holding them out.
Five minutes later…
“Ah, why do I always get the short end of the paper?!” Usopp grumbled, as he set out in the Mini-Merry to the rock.
One mile to the east…
“Mmgh, stupid Katara and her stupid snowball picking contest. Where am I gonna find lychee nuts in the middle of the ocean? What, are they just gonna fall right out of…the…sky…”
The boy immediately forgot about his objective upon seeing the massive black stone to the west.
“WoooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Yeah baby, Sokka’s struck black, hard, chunky gold! Sokka’s Space Sword will now make its glorious return! I just need a little bit…”
Now completely energized, Sokka began rowing at an incredible speed, until at last he was moored alongside the rock. With fire rising up through his belly, Sokka clambered onto the rock to see-
“Hey!”
On the other side, Usopp turned to see a man in a blue tunic with a ponytail ranting and raving at him, seemingly.
“Yeah?”
“Find your own meteor, this is mine!”
“…What?!”
“FIND YOUR OWN METEOR!”
“USOPP! WHAT’S HE SAYING!?” Luffy yelled.
“I think he wants us to give him some meat!”
“What?!” Luffy snorted indignantly. “Why would we waste perfectly good meat on someone else?”
“TELL THAT GUY TO TAKE A HIKE!”Â
“Alright, captain…YOU HEARD HIM! TAKE A HIKE!” Usopp yelled back.
“…What the heck’s a bike?”
Before the two could proceed any further, the seas began rumbling again, a little more violently than last time. Huge waves stirred and rocked the Sunny, threatening to capsize it as Franky, Robin, and Nami struggled to keep the boat upright.
As the Straw Hats were all preoccupied, the rock began to dislodge itself from the sea and began climbing higher and higher into the sky.
“Wait, what’s happening? Appa, are you trying to prank me? It’s not funny!” Sokka whined, looking under the rock to see that there was nothing there.
“OK, then I guess Toph somehow managed to learn long-distance earthbending. That’s okay. Things’ll turn out alright. I’m just gonna relax, and in a couple hours I’ll be back on shore.” Sokka reassured, sitting down with his arms across his legs.
“Yeah, well that doesn’t help me! Oi, Luffy, give me a hand!”
“How about a GUM-GUM ROCKET!?” Luffy responded, stretching his arms as far ass they could go to reach out to the still-rising meteoroid. However, when he got close, the rock flew upward even faster, as Luffy’s fingertips just missed the edge.
“Sanji-san!” Robin pleaded.
“Got it!”Â
Sanji jumped off the ship and-
“Sky Walk!”
-began jumping on the air over and over to gain tremendous altitude. Soon, he was almost level with the rock, and held out his hand to grab hold.
But just as soon as he tried, three chunks of debris splintered off and blasted towards the chef at high speed, knocking him off-course and sending him reeling back down, slamming into the deck of the ship.
“Uurgh…”Â
With no more obstructions, the giant rock immediately flew off at incredible speeds, until it disappeared from sight in a flash.
“Usopp!”
“Luffy, you need to use some Observation Haki to find him!” Chopper demanded, grabbing Luffy and pulling him close.
“I can’t! I haven’t developed it enough to reach that far!” Luffy panicked, as he lay down on the verge of tears, watching the trail left behind by his dear friend with no way to help.
“USOPPPPPPP!!!” Luffy screamed, banging his fists on the deck until his knuckles started to bruise and bleed, as everyone comforted him.
Miles away, at a mysterious island…
A massive naval base stood at the peak of a giant mountain, casting the entire island in overwhelming shadows. The precipice was lined with enough mines and traps to stop even a giant from getting to the top.
Within the base, several marine officers all stood in the inner sanctum, watching their commander, the Vice Admiral Momonga, speak into the traditional Dendenmushi communicator.
“Mmhmm?”
“I’ve used the power of my Devil Fruit to trap one of the Straw Hat crew on board a meteor. He will be arriving at your base posthaste.”
“Understood. Thank you, Admiral.”
“May justice shine favorably on you, Momonga.” he concluded, before shutting off his snail transponder.
With a smirk, Momonga sat up from his chair and strutted over to the window. Using his Observation Haki, he cast his sight out over the water, and at last picked up on the location of the meteor, now careening towards the island and leaving a fiery trail behind.
“Right on time…Lieutenant Condoriano!”
“Yes sir?”
“Prepare a cell in the lower levels for our guest, and ready a Dendenmushi for transmitting the ransom message to his crew.”
“We’re ransoming off a pirate?”
“Of course not. We’re luring the rest in to capture them as well. Now get going!”
Not daring to question their superior again, the Marines all dispersed and exited the building one by one, darting towards the forest they were informed would be the landing site of the rock.
stop music
On the crashing asteroid itself, the two weaklings were hugging each other out of fear, praying for their lives as the ground grew closer at a frightening pace.
“Katara, if I ever make it out of this alive, I will have some very angry words for you!” Sokka ranted.
“Maybe if you weren’t screaming so much we wouldn’t be in this mess!” Usopp shot back.
“YOU should have tried to stop me!”
“Forget it, let’s just keep screaming.”
“AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!”
CRASH!
…
…
“Uurgh…that wasn’t a pleasant landing.” Sokka groaned, as he opened his detritus-encrusted eyes and rubbed his aching head. Slowly, he sat up and took stock of the scenario.
“Okay, so I’m in a forest with…”Â
“…not the best options. But then again, these guys haven’t seen Sokka style before.”
“Just gotta hide up in this tree and then BAM! Instant victory. Dad’d be proud.”
Sokka was about to grab hold of a nearby trunk, but his eyes kept going back to Usopp, still lying unconscious.
“No, no, don’t even think about it. He’s not your friend, he’s just some random guy who ah…who might be a spy! Yeah, a spy. He’s probably going to sell you out as soon as the guards show up. Just leave him alone…”Â
…
“Just leave him alone, leave him alone, leave him al-“
“Ragh!” Sokka groaned as he grabbed hold of Usopp’s arms and began hauling him towards the tree. Using all his strength, the Water Tribe ambassador hoisted the sniper up into the leaves.
“He better thank me for this when he wakes up!” Sokka gasped, as the sound of footsteps squishing dried leaves grew ever closer.
Fear gave him the adrenaline he needed to push Usopp to the middle branches, before following along. His feet disappeared from sight just as the first Marine troop burst into the clearing, gun at the ready.
“Usopp of the Straw Hat pirates, by order of Vice Admiral Momonga, you are under arrest!”
The soldier looked around, only to discover the patch of land was bare, save for the massive stone.
“What the…?”
He looked all around the stone, underneath it, even in the sky above. Nothing. He scanned the nearby bushes and foliage. Nothing.
“They got away?” another Marine questioned, as the rest of the squad pushed their way past the greenery.
“Looks like it. Fast little buggers…spread out! Find them, bring them in, but don’t kill them.”
The soldiers saluted, before spreading out and ultimately vanishing into the undergrowth.
Just as Sokka was about to mentally pat himself on the back, he heard a bone-chilling tongue cluck from behind. Slowly, he swiveled his head around, hoping against hope that what he imagined wasn’t true…
…only to have his heart sink as Usopp’s eyes fluttered open, and his mouth began to open and release a tired groan.
Quick as a wink, Sokka slapped his hand on the sniper’s face, blocking out the low-pitched grumble. The action was not returned with kindness, as Usopp jerked upward and knocked the hand loose.
“Personal space, buddy? Thanks.”Â
“You know, you could be a little more thankful I saved you from those guys. I didn’t have to do it, but I did.”
“Thanks.”
“I’m just saying, it’s a tough world out there, and not everyone would be willing to help out someone for free.”
“Thanks.”
“So maybe, you could-oh, uh, you’re welcome.”
The two peeked out from the leaves to see the last trace of Marines disappear from sight, before taking a breath of relief.
“So, who were those guys?”Â
“Marines. They hunt pirates like me and take them in for ‘obstructing peace.'”
“Wait…you’re a pirate?”
“Yeah.”
“Errrr…sorry man, I think I gotta go.”
As Sokka started to climb down from the tree, he felt a tug on his arm.
“What’s up?”
“Well…awhile ago, we were caught by these pirates and, they almost had us killed.”
“Oh…”
The two sat in silence, giving each other cautious looks. Then Usopp broke the silence.
“Well, you know…we try to be a lot less bloodthirsty in our pirating.”
“I guess you’ve got the right pirate-itude, huh?”
“Er…”
“Sorry, just remembering things from the past. But if you say that you’re on the up and up, I don’t exactly have a lot of options aside from trusting you. Long as you don’t turn on me, this’ll go great. Agreed?” Sokka offered, raising his hand.
“Agreed.” Usopp replied, shaking his hand. “Now, ah…got any ideas on how to get out?”
“Yeah, hang on. Hawky? Tweet tweet?”
From within Sokka’s tunic, a brown bird with two head crests popped out, and flapped its wings to stand on his shoulder, poised for action.
“You got some paper?”
“Nah.”
“Darn…eh, I’ll just use this leaf.”
From his pocket Sokka pulled out a brush and ink, before coating the tip in blackness and writing a series of messages on the nearby tree leaves. After sticking them all together, he placed them in the container on the messenger hawk’s back.
“Okay, Hawky. Fly to the South Pole and tell Katara I’m about 5 miles to the west of Whale Tail Island.”
The bird nodded, as Sokka turned him in the direction of the beach and released it. Fast as a bullet, the bird took off, and soon it was out of sight.
“Alright. Can you make a fire?” Sokka continued.
“Can I make fire…Instant Death-Fire Star!” Â
After cocking his slingshot, Usopp let loose a ball that exploded into a small inferno, as a patch of fire now lit up the center of the thicket.
“Good, good…now it’s time to work.” Sokka concluded as he jumped down and used his club sword to hack off a massive piece of the meteor.
“Wish I could have done this at home, but beggars can’t be choosers.”Â
With that, he placed the meteor chunk into the fire, and then sat down.
“Hey, do you think you could keep me safe until I’m done with this?” Sokka inquired.
“Mmm…”
“I did save your life, you know.”
“Mmmmmmokay.”
Usopp pulled out his slingshot and kept a sharp eye out for intruders.
An hour passed. Then two. Every so often Sokka asked Usopp to rekindle the fire. Two hours turned to four. Finally, the meteor was melted down. With the first step complete, Sokka scraped up the molten rock and splashed it onto the platform. With his blade, he carved away the lava piece by piece, until at last he had a cast akin to a sword.
Satisfied, he pulled out a smithing hammer and began striking the iron in a rhythmic pattern.
Clang, Clang, Clang…
Usopp, having gathered some water from the ocean, returned with a bucketful. Accepting the receptacle with a quiet “thank you”, Sokka took a deep breath and tossed the entire contents over the sword, evenly coating the entire blade with the cooling fluid.
There at last was a black sword. It was far sloppier than the one he had constructed with Piandao, but it would do.
“That sword…have you heard of the 12 Supreme Grade Swords?” Usopp questioned.
“Can’t say I have.”
“I didn’t know you could just make these. My friend Zoro had to earn his from a dead samurai.”
“Oh yeah. They’re just really hard to find cuz they, you know, need a meteor. Not exactly super common.”
Picking up the second space sword and feeling it out, Sokka could feel an old sensation coming back to him, a part that he felt almost naked without. It was good to have a faithful weapon by his side again.
“Alright, Hawky usually takes a day to get back when delivering messages this far. Guess we gotta spend the night.” Sokka muttered, scanning around for an ideal campsite.
“You’re pretty handy, gotta say.” Usopp commented.
“Yeah, well…when you travel the world, you sorta pick up a thing or two.”
“Amen.”
The two continued to trek through the dense jungle, chopping down obstructing branches and swinging across massive pits, until they finally located a copse surrounded by impassable cliffs on all but one side.
“This’ll…do.” Sokka gasped.
“Good…I can’t walk anymore…” Usopp wheezed, flopping on his back, with Sokka joining suit.
“Just get ready…to move out tomorrow.”
The two shut their eyes and began dreaming, blissfully unaware of the dark shadows watching their every move.
The next morning…
The two men stretched out and stood up, shielding their eyes from the light slipping through the foliage.
“Alright, let’s MOVE!” Sokka insisted, vaulting over the chasm to the other side.
“Ehhhh, fine. Do you really think your help is going to show up?” Usopp persisted.
“Sure, Hawky’s super reliable.”Â
Sokka looked forward and saw the faint silhouette of a ship on the beach.
“There, you see. Told you.”
“Fine, but when we get you back home, I’m taking the ship to find my nakama. That okay?”
“Go crazy, just don’t try to pillage us.”
“If you say so.”
“And now, my friend, we are HOME-“
The tip of a sword jammed itself millimeters away from Sokka’s throat.
“-free.”
stop music
The beach was absolutely crawling with Marines, each more deadly and powerful than the last. And heading them was Momonga, a look of intimidation plastered on his face.
“I must say, the messenger bird was an interesting touch. But you should know by now, pirate, that we monitor all incoming and outgoing transmissions. Your message will never reach its destination.”
“Aw…so close.” Usopp groaned.
“So, we’re gonna have to fight now, huh?” Sokka conceded, pulling out his space sword and preparing himself for the ultimate showdown, Usopp at his back.
“Hold on, I’m not done.”
“Say what.”
“We know that you…” Momonga began, pointing at Sokka, “are not a pirate. So here’s how things are gonna work. You two’ll fight. If you win, you get to go free. If you lose, you’ll be executed along with him.”
“Wait, what? But if I haven’t done anything wrong, can’t I just go right now? Seems fair to me!”
“Our boss believes in absolute justice and certainty. We cannot take the risk you may be conspiring together.”
“Right, of course, silly me…” Sokka responded sheepishly. “‘Stupid Katara…'”
“How’s this going to work?” Usopp cut in.
“You can fight across the entire island. First one to die loses. And don’t try anything else, or you’ll be shot on sight.” Momonga deadpanned.
“Oh, well that’s pleasant.” Sokka muttered.
“I hope you make it through, son. Good luck.”
The Marines all made an about face and trudged back into the bushes.
“Well, that was convenient. Hey, come on, we gotta find a way off this-“
SHING!
Usopp barely managed to tilt his head back in time to avoid his nose being sliced off, air whooshing past as Sokka sliced downward.
“What the hell, man, you could have killed-ohhhh.”
“I’m sorry. You seem like a nice guy and all, but…I’ve gotta get back to my friends and family.”
“Heh…kinda thought we could be nakama.” Usopp noted.
The two were silent for a long while after that. Then, Usopp unsheathed his slingshot and nocked a shot.
“…Me too.”Â
Having missed the first attack, Sokka delivered a spinning kick leveraged by the sword’s hilt, striking Usopp in the ribs and sending him crashing to the sand face-first.
Unfortunately, his mouth was open.
“Bleaugh! Agh! Yuck!”Â
Usopp tried to rub the dirty sand off his tongue while turning his back on the Water Tribe swordsman, allowing Sokka to remove the sword from the sand trap and swing it full-tilt at the sniper.
At the last second, Usopp twisted to the side in his pained convulsions, his skin being grazed by the blade and leaving a bleeding cut.
“‘How did he…never mind.'” Sokka pondered, as he turned around and raced back into the forest to maintain the element of surprise.
As Usopp finally regained his senses, he could feel that Sokka was no longer there.
“Hehe, sucker. Now I’ll just very quietly find a boat and-“
BANG!
A gunshot blasted the sand up near Usopp’s feat, startling the sniper as he instinctively turned tail and ran into the woods.
As Usopp ran past the bushes, massive tree branches started falling from above. The first one Usopp dodged left a small crater in the ground, sending fear into the sniper’s bones as he redoubled his efforts to stay alive.
“YEAAAAAGGHHH!!!”
Sokka would never admit it, but that got a chuckle out of him as he hid in the treeline.Â
“Heehehehehehehe-wait, where’d he go?”
For Usopp had already escaped the trap a few seconds prior, and unbeknownst to Sokka had already begun constructing his counterattack.
“Great…” Sokka grumbled, as he grabbed hold of his makeshift rope and began swinging through the trees to catch up.
Tree by tree, Sokka rapidly made his way through the dense growth, oblivious to the fact that some of the vines he passed were moving.
“POP GREEN!”
In an instant, the tree Sokka landed on shed it’s brown coating and revealed itself as a monstrous Venus Flytrap, ensnaring Sokka in its tendrils and bringing him towards it massive jaws.
“Wait, you can control plants?!?”
From behind a tree Usopp emerged, a smug grin ear to ear on his visage.
“Yeah, I guess you could say that.”
“Do you know a guy named Huu?”
“Look, that’s not important. I’m not trying to kill you, alright?”
“Oh, yeah, sure. So I’m just imagining this giant plant about to eat me.”
“Hey, you tried to cut me open with a sword, it’s basic counterattacking!”
“Yeah…” Sokka trailed off, as he used his fingers to reach into his tunic, pulling out his trusty boomerang. Shifting his body to hide his back, he began quietly sawing away at the tendrils.
“So, how do you get plants like these anyway?”
“Secret island, it’s full of them. But, I’m not sure you could get there, it’s kinda out of the way.”
“Coulda been useful for defending my village. Then again, it probably wouldn’t work out anyway.”
“Because…?”
Sokka finally sliced through the last vine, and broke his restraints!
As the discarded stem pieces drifted to the earth, Sokka reached into his pack and pulled out a small bottle.
“They say cold air is bad for plants.”
Upon tossing the bottle at the flytrap, the frost within spread out, instantly encasing it in a two-foot-thick sheet of ice.
“Not bad, huh?”
Usopp was startled for a moment, but quickly regained his composure.
“Against a normal fighter, maybe. But these aren’t ordinary plants.”
The ice began to crack, and then without warning, the plant erupted from its icy tomb, angrier than ever.
“Oh, come on!” Sokka whined.
“These plants have survived the coldest regions of Punk Hazard, there’s no way they’d be stopped that easily!” Usopp boasted, as he readied another shot.
“Instant Death-Shuriken Star!”
A barrage of ninja stars hurtled towards the non-bender, who swung underneath the tree branch to avoid them and kicked forward to launch at Usopp. Undeterred, the sniper cocked another ball for launching, and released his Instant Death Smoke Star right in Sokka’s face. The collision generated a thick, soupy cloud of fog, obscuring the Water tribesman’s vision completely.
“Man…really?” Sokka complained, feeling around to try and find a marker to latch onto.
“You know, this isn’t exactly a warrior’s way to win, is it?”
“Then let me shed some light on the situation.”
Something hard was jammed into Sokka’s face. It felt cold, like a mix of metal and new-age technology, something very str-
“FLASH DIAL!”
With no warning, a blinding light erupted from the small dial straight into the unwary Sokka’s eyes, full-force. The warrior’s pupils instantly shriveled, and he felt a pressing desire to close his eyes for eternity to block out the pain.
“GAAAAHH!!”
While Sokka rubbed his eyes to try and make the pain go away, Usopp readied another slingshot attack. But as he nocked his weapon and prepared to fire, he was caught off guard by Sokka swinging his blade frantically in all directions, spinning so fast he turned into a tornado of death. His space sword instantly sliced anything it touched to ribbons as it edged closer to Usopp’s bare flesh.
Usopp attempted to shield himself with a nearby rock, only for it to be cut to pieces in moments.
“Well, there’s only one thing left to do!” Usopp proudly proclaimed.
He then bolted into another part of the forest.
With time to himself, Sokka eventually stopped spinning. His head was sore with dizziness, but he seemed to be uninterrupted.
“No, no, I’m not gonna chase him.” Sokka reprimanded to himself, as he paced around to think of a plan. Then his eyes happened to catch a glimpse of the massive plateau looming over him.
“Might be something good in there.”Â
His eyes shifted a little lower, squinting to see the numerous traps lining the mountainside.
“Methinks I’m hatching an idea…but how to get him over there…?”
He felt around in his tunic before pulling out a cluster of bombs.
“Oh yeah…that’ll do.”
As Usopp continued to run through the trees, he kept glancing back to see if he was being tailed.Â
Nothing.
“Looks like I lost him. That sword is crazy, why’d I let him make it?”
“Well…maybe Zoro could use it.”
…
“Nah.”
Usopp kept running, but there was no end to the forest in sight. He was motivated only by the fear of Marines hunting him, and the hope he’d find the water so-
BOOM!
A small explosion blasted Usopp to the side, right into a berry bush. As the sniper tried to get up, another bomb blasted him right back down to earth. And for the second time, he was force-fed pieces of the ground.
“You know, that is getting-pfft-really annoying!” Usopp complained, as he struggled to get to his feet and began running, away from the bombs that continued to pepper the ground with each step the sniper took.
As Usopp rounded the corner, he saw a massive boulder blocking his path with no way around, and no way to stop. Desperate, he nocked another slingshot round.
“SKULL EXPLODING GRASS!”
A small pellet shot towards the rock and made contact, exploding with deadly force and leaving naught but a skull emblem and a few pulverized chunks behind as Usopp surged past.
After some time, Usopp finally made it to a river too big to jump over, with no way across.
Pulling out a different seed, Usopp fired into the water and summoned a BOATY BANANA to carry him across. Grabbing the paddles, Usopp rowed faster than he had ever done before, speeding across at a supersonic pace.
Before he could get across, something sharp sliced right through the boat, causing it to leak air.
“Oh, that’s just great!” Usopp groaned, as his boat started to sink. He kept paddling in a futile effort to complete the crossing, but he wasn’t getting enough speed.
“‘It’s days like this when I’m REALLY glad I didn’t eat a Devil Fruit.'” Usopp reminisced, before diving into the water and beginning to swim.
The water was cold, and deeper than he thought. Fighting the rapids was draining his stamina quickly as he fought the current, and the other side seemed like it was an eternity away.
And the whole ordeal was made infinitely harder as more bombs were tossed into the river, creating explosions of water that forced the sniper to constantly change his trajectory to stay alive.
“Must…keep…hah…going…oh god, someone help me…”
Finally, Usopp slowly crawled onto the riverbank and inched his way onto dry land. He so desperately wanted to take a break, but he could see a shadow blotting out the sunlight above him, and knew that he had to keep going. After shaking himself dry, he took off once again towards the mountain.
In the trees above, a lone soldier, face coated with the markings of a warrior tribe, wass watching his adversary’s every move. The time to strike was nigh.
“Sniper King Usopp, prepare yourself. You’re about to get a front-row seat to Sokka style!”
stop music
After a long run, Usopp finally made it to the base of the mountain. He could see the marine base on top, but the path up was extremely jagged and unsafe.
“Well…guess I better start climbing.”Â
Usopp reached out to grab hold of the rock face, when he was suddenly stricken with a vision.
Within the rock, he could see hundreds of booby traps spread all over, except on the northwest side. The image lasted only a moment before it fizzled out.
“Was…was that the power of Observation?”
Usopp stepped back, and accidentally snapped a twig. The noise startled him badly enough to make him fall on his back, accidentally crushing his bag in the process.
“No, nonononono, please don’t be broken!” Usopp pleaded, as he scrounged around in his bag, relaxing as he saw that nothing was damaged.
“Whew…hello, what’s this?”
Some of Usopp’s dials had been armed by the collision, primed for use.
“Now THIS, I can use. Time to send a shock to his system!”
Usopp’s laughter trailed off as he set to work. He circled the mountain, tampering with the occasional rock here and there, until at last he was satisfied. With about half his supplies remaining in his bag, he returned to the safe patch, and began climbing.
“Let’s see him get past that.” Usopp boasted, as his fingers grabbed hold of the tiny chinks in the stone above.
Meanwhile, Sokka finally escaped the forest and stood at the base of the cliff, a mere speck next to the titanic marine base.
“Guess he’s up there already…in hindsight, maybe Aang’s crazy climbing dream wasn’t so crazy after all.”
Resigned to his fate, Sokka trudged to stand eye-to-eye with the rock, and then grabbed hold. With his other hand, he reached up to a chunk of stone a little below a tree branch.
KATHOOOM!!
The rock instantly exploded, and immeasurable pain shot through Sokka’s arm.
“AAAAGGHHHH!” Sokka screamed, rolling on the floor and clutching his useless arm as he tried to quell the pain.
After a few minutes allowed his bruised ego and body to heal, he reached up and grabbed another chunk of rock with his other arm.
“KYAAAAAAAHHH!!” Sokka cried out once again, as his other arm fell victim to the same excruciating torment from earlier.
“WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME!?”
“GAHAHAHAHAHA! GREETINGS, FOOLISH MORTAL!”
“Wh-who said that?”
“IT IS I, THE GOD OF THIS WORLD! EVERYWHERE, AND YET…NOWHERE.”
“BY NOW, YOU HAVE PROBABLY REALIZED THAT THIS STONE YOU ATTEMPT TO CONQUER, IS CURRRRSSSEED.”
“Th-there’s no s-such thing as c-curses…” Sokka stammered, looking every which way as fear crawled up his spine.
“YOU’RE PROBABLY THINKING RIGHT NOW THAT THERE ARE NO SUCH THING AS CURSES. AND YOU WOULD BE HORRIFICALLY WRONG! THE ENTIRE MOUNTAIN HAS BEEN ENCHANTED TO CAUSE YOU ETERNAL TORMENT THE LONGER YOU TRY TO TAME IT! UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU CAN FIND THE ONE SAFE ROUTE.”
“Hehe, that’s ni-“
“BUT DO NOT BECOME COMPLACENT! FOR AT THE TOP, AWAITS YOUR ULTIMATE DOWNFALL AND DEMISE! FLEE NOW, AND YOU MAY YET BE SPARED MY DIVINE WRATH!”
Halfway up the mountain, Usopp chuckled.Â
“I knew that Tone Dial was a nice touch. And by lining the mountain with Impact Dials, he’ll be too scared to climb up after me! I’m home free!”
“Now I just need to avoid the traps mysel-” Usopp continued, as his fingers accidentally grabbed and pulled a trip wire.
A wooden barrier gave way, releasing an avalanche of boulders tumbling down towards the sniper. With great dexterity, he jumped and weaved between most of the stones, but a lapse in attention caused the last one to hit him squarely in the chest, knocking him off the wall and sending him tumbling towards a painful splat.
Not one to give up, Usopp pulled out his slingshot and aimed at the wall.
“BAMBOO JAVELIN!”
A quartet of seeds penetrated the wall, instantly sprouting into a ladder of four bamboo shoots. Swiveling himself towards the mountain, Usopp barely grabbed hold of the lowest shoot before he plummeted.
stop music
And yet, Usopp couldn’t catch his breath long enough before he had to jump to the next shoot, the lower one slipping and falling to the ground. Like a monkey, he shimmied up until he could grab the rock face once again, preserving his life for a little longer.
“I wonder if he heard that…”
Unfortunately for the sniper, Sokka had, in fact, heard his battle cry, and finally spotted him at the very left edge of his peripheral vision.
“Oh, that guy is SO going down!”Â
start music
As Sokka reached the path Usopp began climbing, he steeled himself and placed his hand on the rock.
Five minutes later, when Sokka’s hand had recovered, he placed it slightly to the right, and was pleasantly surprised to feel no pain.
“Alright, NOW he’s going down. Just, had to get my bearings.”
Resolve steeling his grip, Sokka began climbing.
Far above him, Usopp’s knuckles were beginning to bleed from the strain, and his grip started to loosen. He almost resigned himself to falling to his death, until he saw a tiny alcove, just big enough to hold his body.
“Finally, a break!” Usopp muttered, thanking Eneru as he scuttled up the cliff and dragged himself into the dingy outlook. The space was tight, but he managed to swivel himself around and look out.
Then he looked down and noticed an all-too-familiar presence rushing up the cliff after him.
Breathing heavily, Usopp pulled out his Black Kabuto and loaded another round of shots.
“GREEN STAR-IMPACT WOLF!”
As Usopp fired, his shell twisted and reshaped itself in midair, eventually taking the visage of a hungry wolf, claws outstretched and fangs ready to tear into flesh.
“GAHHHH!” Sokka roared, mustering up his remaining strength and jumping to the side to narrowly avoid the wolf’s hungry embrace.
“So, you avoided that one. But you won’t dodge this!” Usopp countered, preparing yet another volley.
“TRIPLE WOLF STAR!”
From the slingshot came three wolves, covering all areas of escape. And this time, Sokka knew he couldn’t dodge it.
At least, not without some help.
“OK, boomerang…” Sokka pleaded, tying a string to the corner, “don’t let me down!”Â
Â
With tremendous force, he threw his faithful weapon as high as he could, praying to Yue that it struck a stable point, and was immensely relieved when he felt it dig into the rock.
“I hope this WOORRRRKKSS!” Sokka pleaded, using the boomerang as leverage to run along the cliff, and then jumping!
The momentum carried him to the left, no longer touching the cliff, as he grazed the wolves’ claws by mere millimeters.
Usopp silently cursed, his attention off Sokka just long enough to miss the most crucial step in his plan. With all the momentum gained from the horizontal motion, Sokka swung back to the other side like a pendulum, building up more speed. Again and again he swung, getting higher each time, until finally he swung so high he was able to grab onto the edge of the mountain’s peak.
“Dammit!” Usopp cursed, as he grabbed the rock once again and began climbing.Â
“At least I’m almost up.”
“Famous last words.”
Usopp looked up to see Sokka, his foot right next to a small pebble.
“Oh no.”
“Oh, yes.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“Wouldn’t what? Oh, you mean…this?”
With a kick, Sokka dislodged the rock and sent it tumbling down the cliff, springing every mine and trap along the way, until a massive avalanche was created.
“I hate you.”
The rocks instantly knocked Usopp off the wall, and this time the ground was coming up way too fast for him to consider using more bamboo.
“Only one shot…”
Usopp nocked another slingshot round, aimed at the ground, and prayed.
“TRAMPOLIA!”
Another seed shot into the ground, this time forming a bouncing plant. Usopp struck it with such tremendous force, that the recoil sent him skyrocketing, flying way past the mountaintop and up into the cloud barrier, and almost breached the exosphere before he began plummeting.
“WHOHOHOAHAHHHHH! JUST ONE CHANCE!”
Usopp pulled out a massive hammer and stretched out as far as he can. The rock was so close…
“GOLDEN POUND!”
Usopp struck the rock, and it dug into the stone as Usopp dangled over the edge. Before it could come loose, Usopp swung around the handle until he reached the top of his arc, jumped up, and cleared the ledge, dragging the hammer with him.
“Hah…hah…nice try…but you’re going to have to finish me…face to face.” Usopp panted.
“Fine with me.” Sokka countered, pulling out his sword.
The two stared each other down, fear no longer clouding their judgement. One way or another, the fight would be settled.
Suddenly, Sokka thrust his sword into the ground.
“Hu-“
Without warning, he then pulled it out, the rock dust flying into Usopp’s eyes and leaving him sightless.
“Heh, that’s a good trick.” Usopp complimented.
“I learned from the best.”
Without his eyes, Usopp extended the range of his other senses. And within his mind, he conjured a mental picture of the battle.
“‘Okay, this is good. Just gotta focus and-WOAH!'”
Usopp only just managed to dodge Sokka’s sword swipe, but it left a nasty gash on his shoulder that oozed blood.
“‘Alright, wasn’t ready that time. NOW, focus.'”
Relying on only his sixth sense, the sniper dodged and weaved through Sokka’s swipes, occasionally sneaking in a punch or two whenever the swordsman’s guard was open.
“‘He’s not leaving many openings. He didn’t lie about his training, at least…'”
Then he noticed that Sokka was pulling out more of his bombs, and taking the tops off.
“‘Not this time.'”
“INSTANT DEATH-GUNPOWDER STAR!”
A blast of volatile gunpowder coated Sokka’s body, sending him staggering backwards in shock. Unfortunately, the sudden movement caused some of the powder to fall into some of Sokka’s bombs.
“Oh…crud.”
KABOOOM!
The explosion blasted Sokka into the air, allowing Usopp to ready his hammer. As Sokka flew back down, Usopp winded up and-
“USOPP POUND!”
-SMASHED Sokka’s face.
Or at least, he was trying to do so. Because of the weapon’s deceptively light weight, Sokka only moved about two feet.
“Eh…hehehe…no hard feelings?”
He was swiftly answered by a kick to the stomach.
“Yeah…didn’t think so.”Â
Usopp tried to kick out, but Sokka backflipped away and pulled out his boomerang once again.
“Take this!” he yelled, tossing his boomerang at the sniper, who had to duck to avoid it.
“Oh, so you wanna play that game?”
“USOPP BOOMERANG!”
As Usopp threw his own bladed instrument, Sokka countered, resulting in a boomerang clash filling the air with a distinctive clang sound. But while Sokka’s returned to him, Usopp’s just collapsed to the ground.
“What’s that about?”
“Oh, uh…it doesn’t come back.”
“THEN WHY IS IT CALLED A BOOMERANG!?”
“Because…it sounded cooler?”
Aggravated, Sokka launched his boomerang at Usopp once again, but this time the sniper was prepared, pulling out his “massive” hammer and swinging it like a bat, knocking the boomerang away so that the water tribesman could no longer use it.
“Uh oh.” Sokka whispered, gulping.
Confidence in his glare, Usopp pulled out another round for his slingshot, and aimed true.
“INSTANT DEATH-ATLAS SUISEI!”
Four pellets shot from the slingshot, morphing together just as the Impact Wolf had to form a mighty Atlas beetle, its horns ramming into Sokka’s torso and almost skewering him completely.
“OOOooooooohhh…” Sokka groaned in pain, clutching his chest as he stared in horror at Usopp preparing another pellet for firing.
“Please, please spare me, I beg you, universe.”
As if on command, from behind Usopp came Sokka’s trusty boomerang, hitting the sniper’s head from behind and causing him to fire his next shot out into the ocean by mistake.
“That works. Thank you, boomerang!” Sokka cheered, as he ran over and delivered a flying punch to Usopp’s bruised head, before following up by sweeping Usopp off his feet with his club, gaining the high ground as he pressed the blade to Usopp’s throat.
stop music
“Looks like we’re back to where we started, huh?” Sokka deadpanned.
“Looks that way, on the surface. But, ah…I think it’s about time for a third act twist!” Usopp retorted defiantly, pulling out his Smoke Star pellet and dropping it on the ground.
As the ball exploded into an all-too-familiar mist torrent, Sokka tried to strike downward with a powerful chop, only to hit nothing. The smoke dissipated instantly, revealing from the shadows a man with a billowing cape and a somewhat gaudy mask.
“Behold, the King of Snipers, Sogeking!“
His introduction was succeeded by the sound of an angel’s choir, emitting from another Tone Dial.
(if rooting for Sogeking)
(If rooting for Sokka)
“Uh-huh. So, tell me, Mr. Sniper King…where did the other guy go?”
“Oh, ah…I spirited him away for his own protection!”
“Mmhmm, sure, yeah, I understa-SNEAK ATTACK!“
Sokka tried to kick at Usopp’s head, only to be stopped with ease as his arm was grabbed.
“Sneak attacks are generally more effective when you don‘t tell your opponent about them.”
“Yeah, that’s what Aang said. Silly me. But, what if, by chance, I have an ulterior motive?”
Sokka immediately spat in Sogeking’s face.
“What the heck were you planning to do with tha-OOOOWWWW!“
Sogeking held his…areas, as they swelled and roared with unimaginable pain after Sokka’s kick, allowing the warrior to slip away and make it to the very edge.
“You’re…gonna…pay for that….oooowwwww…” Sogeking squeaked, his voice rising a few octaves.
“You’re gonna have to catch me first.” Sokka countered, before hopping off the cliff.
“Oh yeah!? Well…” Usopp began, edging towards the edge of the cliff, “get a load of the Sogeking Parachute Star!“
Triumphantly, Sogeking jumped off and pulled a rip-cord, summoning a little parachute. Emphasis on the “little” part.
“Oh, boy…guess it’s time to start screaming.”
…
“YEAAAAAGGGGHHH!” Sogeking screamed as he began falling to his doom for the third time that day.
But the situation turned into an unexpected boon, for Sogeking could still see Sokka falling as well. And with that, the sniper king’s final, most brilliant idea was spawned.
Pulling two more rounds from his bag, he put one in the holster and aimed at the ground.Â
“HISSATSU-BOSHI! RAFFLESIA STAR!”
The pellet sank into the ground, and once again formed into a flower. However, this one had dull red petals with white dots, and was not exactly the most pleasant of floral growths.
With the first step completed, Sogeking nocked what he hoped would be the decisive shot to end the battle. Breathing deeply and focusing his senses, he uttered the phrase that would bring forth calamity.
“SUPER BIRDLIME BALL!”
This ultimate pellet spawned a thick blanket of goo, falling at high speed towards the Water tribesman. Unaware of the danger, Sokka only briefly turned to see the overwhelming substance about to smother him. He didn’t even have time to scream before he was struck, falling even faster until he dove face-first into the rafflesia plant with a resounding THUD, as Sogeking landed next to him.
“And thus ends another exciting journey for the hero of Sniper Island!”
“Uoorroooahhh…oh, my head…”
Sokka groggily opened his eyes and tried to move his head, only to find that he couldn’t move.
“Wha-” he mumbled, trying to wiggle his fingers, only to feel no haptic feedback. His arms and legs didn’t move either. He was completely stuck.
“What IS this stuff, anyway?”
“Bird guano.”
“…Ewwwwwww…”
“That’s nothing compared to what you’re sitting on.”
“Huh? Wait, why are you putting on nose plu-Oh, god, that’s foul!”Â
Sokka wanted his nose to shrivel up and fall off so he would never have to smell anything quite so repulsive again, but the best he could do was close his mouth.
“So, do you give up?” Sogeking asked in a nasally voice.
“Never!” Sokka roared, as he strained and struggled until his face turned dark blue, until at last he ran out of stamina and settled down.
“Okay, yeah, I give up.”
“Good. Then I might be able to help both of us get out of here.”
“Why?”
“Because…it would be a waste for someone as talented and determined as you to go out in a place like this.”
Sokka was silent. Then, after what seemed like a lifetime, he smiled.
“So, what do you have in mind?”
Sogeking was about to answer, until he heard the faint sound of undergrowth being squashed by heavy boots.
“Do you trust me?”
“…Yeah.”
“Good.”
“HISSATSU-BAKASUI BOSHI!”
stop music
A massive smoke cloud filled the air, surpassing the height of the nearby trees. And as the Marines came charging in, they saw Sogeking standing over the unmoving body of Sokka.
“It’s…it’s you! The Sniper King!”
“Yes…it is I.”
“Is…is he…” the Marine inquired, pointing to Sokka’s body.
“Yes.”
“Kill him!” the Marine soldier yelled, as the other Marines pointed their guns at the sniper.
He reached into his bag, only to see he was running extremely low on shells. But he did have two left.
With nothing left to lose, he pulled both out, nocked them, and fired in the span of a millisecond, releasing not only a cloud of smoke, but also a storm of spiked quills that dug into the Marines’ skin, causing them immense pain as they struggled to pull them out.
With the distraction, Sogeking grabbed the clean part of the rafflesia and bolted into the woods. It was slow going due to the flower’s weight, but there were no obstacles to get in his way on the path to the beach.
As the sniper broke through the treeline and at last made it to clear skies, he still couldn’t see any signs of friend or foe. Working quickly, he tossed the flower into the water with the still-sleeping Sokka aboard, and pulled out his last ace in the hole: A Breath Dial.
“If there were any time for my luck to run out, please don’t let it be now!” Sogeking begged, as he slapped the dial on the glue-coated part of the flower, and set it to activate.
“There he is, get him!” the Marines yelled as they broke through, firing their guns in unison. The bullets all closed in on the sniper, who had no other choice but to bend backwards to avoid the shots. While he did survive, his clothes got stuck on the glue, so now his mobility had taken a hit.
“Come on, come on…” Usopp pleaded, as the Marines prepared to fire again.
KASWOOSH!!
The Breath Dial finally activated and launched the flower at lightspeed, leaving the island behind in a flash as the second round of bullets whizzed by uselessly.
The soldiers lowered their weapons and stared at each other with looks of intense discomfort.
“The vice-admiral isn’t going to like this…”
: Aw, that’s kinda wholesome.
: Yeah. Now we should draw them teaming up to destroy the cornerstones of society and bring about a new tyrannical oligarchy.
: You are so vindictive.
: I know, it’s a bad habit. Regardless, Sogeking won this one, so we should talk about it.
: Oh, come on, how long are we going to-
: Since Sogeking is the absolute champion of snipers in the One Piece world, it makes a lot of sense that he should scale to Usopp, especially since Usopp has occasionally fallen back on Sogeking to solve problems he could not.
: Unfortunately, because of pesky statements by Oda, it’s sort of difficult to really scale Usopp to other Post-Timeskip characters. Which honestly is kinda dumb considering he’s a character who actually focuses on combat unlike Nami, but whatever.
: However, we can scale Usopp to feats in the Pre-Timeskip era at least, considering he should be relatively superior right now to most of the Straw Hats during that time. Starting with strength, Usopp in Punk Hazard was capable of one-shotting Buffalo with a single slingshot attack. Buffalo is on par with Dressrosa Colosseum fighters like Sai, Ideo, and importantly, Elizabello II, whose non-fully charged King Punch can reach 5.83639 Megatons of TNT. This easily puts Usopp in the Small City+ tier of power, but he could arguably be pushed even higher.
Going back to the pre-timeskip era, there are actually a decent chunk of feats that could get even higher.
- Dorry and Brogy killing an island devouring monster, with Base Luffy trading blows with Dorry.
- Crocodile stopping rain from falling on Alabasta for several years (calced at Large Island Level)
- Shiki lifting entire islands into the sky and holding them up with his power.
- Luffy almost cutting an island-sized turtle in half in the Karakuri Castle movie.
Now, granted, Usopp almost certainly doesn’t scale to Shiki seeing as Luffy needed Gear Third to win, but most of the other feats are early enough in the series that Usopp can scale to them, just via the training he did during the timeskip.
: Speed is sort of hard to determine, but Usopp should almost certainly be capable of lightning timing, seeing as he should be far above Enies Lobby Nami, who can keep up with Kalifa, who can dodge lightning. However, there are also some potential Relativistic+ to FTL feats Usopp can scale to, such as Long Ring Long Land Luffy being able to dodge the light-based Noro Noro Beam, or scaling to characters that can dodge Kuma’s Pad Cannon which is said to fire attacks at the speed of light. That said, these might be somewhat dubious to scale Usopp to, so at least Massively Hypersonic+ seems fine.
: As for Sokka, well…this isn’t going to be pretty.
Okay, to be completely fair, Sokka can also scale to lightning-timers due to frequently keeping up with benders in speed. Some might claim that lightningbending isn’t real lightning since it doesn’t come from a cloud to ground source, but considering lightningbenders can actually absorb lightning from clouds, and in fact use said lightning as a training tool, the lightning shot from benders should likely be fairly comparable. That, and we’re trying to give Sokka the best chance possible here, so let’s do it.Â
: With that said, even the highest calcs of lightning dodging for Avatar only cap at a little below Mach 600, about half the speed of Usopp without taking into consideration that Usopp upscales from the feat in question. And, well…this is the closest stat between them.
: Going over to AP, Sokka is fairly comparable to other non-benders like Ty Lee, as his head was able to hurt her arm when she punched it. Ty Lee is about equal to Suki, who kicked over a human-sized rock statue, and Sokka with his space sword could outright cut one of these statues in half, which puts him at about Wall Level. It could also be argued he scales to benders to some degree, who have feats in the Multi-City Block range such as bringing down a portion of the Ba Sing Se Wall or holding up Wan-Shi-Tong’s library, but generally Sokka is almost always fodderized when he seriously attempts to fight strong benders like these, and whether a bender’s physical durability is on par with their max bending output is sort of hard to determine. Still, for the benefit of the doubt, assuming Sokka does scale to high-tier benders physically, he would still be at minimum 5,800 times weaker than even Usopp’s lowest feasible scaling.
: With a stat disparity that large, Sokka really isn’t going to do any sort of lasting damage to Sogeking, since Usopp can also scale physically due to frequently tanking big hits. And looking at the tertiary characteristics is not favorable to Sokka either.
: Speaking on stamina, Sogeking absolutely annihilates Sokka. Sogeking is comparable to Usopp, who was able to survive having his skull broken by Mr. 4 and still managed to win, on top of frequently engaging in large army battles on Fishman Island and Dressrosa without taking a break. And while Sokka has fought for extended periods of time in the Day of Black Sun invasion, his feats of stamina definitely don’t compare to what Usopp is capable of.
: Intelligence, skill, and strategy, however, is pretty even. Both characters have good showings of defeating characters physically far superior to them, and Sokka might even have his own advantage due to being successfully able to plan an invasion of the Fire Nation, as well as stop Ozai’s warships from burning down the Earth Kingdom. Regardless, the winner isn’t really determined just from these.
: Sogeking obviously exceeds Sokka in versatility, simply due to the number of different slingshot rounds he’s packing. He can create a boat, a trampoline, carnivorous plant traps, exploding skull grass bombs, sleeping gas, gunpowder, fire, and much more, while Sokka is primarily limited to his sword, boomerang, bombs, club, and other miscellaneous melee weapons, which offer far less options for Sokka to counteract if he gets put in a tight spot (which he definitely would be in against an opponent like this).
: In terms of who has the advantage at which range, it’s sort of split down the middle, with Sogeking dominating long range and Sokka dominating close range. Due to Sokka’s training from the Kyoshi Warriors and Piandao, Sokka is extremely accomplished at close range swordfighting, even being able to keep up with Piandao for a long while in spite of his lack of experience. And compared to Sogeking’s hammer, Sokka’s weapon is far more deadly. However, when it gets to long range, the tables shift dramatically. Sokka has very few things that give him any sort of range game, limited to only his boomerang and a small cache of bombs. Sogeking, meanwhile, not only has his own boomerang, but a series of slingshot rounds that can travel kilometers of distance, allowing him to easily snipe Sokka from anywhere in the arena. And given Sogeking’s speed advantage, running away and attacking from a distance is a lot more likely than Sokka getting the fight into close-quarters long enough to get any meaningful hits in.
: Look, we could go on and talk about some other aspects, but I think it’s pretty clear that Sogeking just takes pretty much all the advantages here. With greater strength, speed, durability, versatility, stamina, and range game, the sniper god definitely proved himself superior.
: Sokka just kan’t catch a break.
: The winner is Sogeking!
Winner (Sogeking):
+Physically stronger.
+Much faster.
+Far more versatile.
+Greater experience fighting large-scale wars.
+MASSIVE edge in stamina.
+Dominated at long range.
=Intelligence and strategy
-Inferior at close range.
Loser (Sokka):
+Is the one true master of the boomerang.
+Far better close-range fighter.
=Intelligence and strategy.
-Everything else.
Epilogue…
Out in the open ocean, the two warriors drifted, still stuck to the giant rafflesia with no idea where they were.
“So…you got any more brilliant ideas?” Sokka grumbled.
“Hey, maybe showing me some gratitude for saving your life would be nice!”
“As far as I’m concerned, we’re even.”
Sogeking just turned his back in annoyance, staring out into the sea.
“But…thanks.”
The two were silent as they drifted for another few minutes.Â
Then, as Sogeking stared into the sky, he saw a tiny shadow silhouetted against the clouds.
“Huh…wonder what that is.”
Sogeking shifted his sniper goggles over his eyes to see-
“A giant flying buffalo?”
“Wait, what?! Lemme see!”
Complying, Sogeking put the goggles over the water tribe swordsman’s eyes, only for him to giggle with glee.
“It’s Appa!”
“You know him?”
“Yeah, he belongs to my friend Aang! Quick, scream and get his attention!”
The sniper shrugged, before turning around.
“ALIDOLIDIIDIDIDIDLDLDOOOOOO!”
“AAAAAAAANNNNGGGGGG!”
The two continued to scream over and over until their voices grew hoarse and scratchy, but they didn’t seem to be heard.
But Sogeking did have one final idea. Taking his last round from his bag, he aimed at the sky and fired.
His Fire Bird Star reached the clouds and exploded outward in the shape of a phoenix, lighting up the world with its radiance and finally catching Aang’s attention.
stop music
“Hey, there’s something in the water! Appa, yip yip!”
The sky bison roared as he descended towards the water, the flower coming more into focus.
“Aang, Aang, I think that’s Sokka!”
“Sokka?”
The two teens aboard the Sky Bison cheered and started crying, yelling Sokka’s name.
“Looks like they know you.” Sogeking whispered.
“Hey, hey guys! Oh, you have no idea how good it is to see yo-!”
Sokka was interrupted by a jet of water slapping him across the face, leaving a bruise.
“Ow! Katara, what’s your problem!?”
“My problem? Let’s talk about you and YOUR problems! You’ve been missing for an entire day, and no note! The village has been worried sick about you!”
“I didn’t exactly have much choice, considering I was kidnapped!”
“Kidnapped?”Â
Katara finally took notice of Sogeking on the flower.
“Was it by this guy!?” Katara screeched, her water jet threatening to cut off the sniper’s head.
“Whoawhoawhoa, easy!” Sogeking pleaded, as he took of his mask to reveal himself as Usopp (gasp!).
“I was a victim too!”
Katara still looked unconvinced, but did dissipate the water blade.
“Wow, Sokka, you ah…you really stink.” Aang deadpanned, holding his nose.
“Yeah, I noticed. So how about working your Avatar magic and getting me out?”
“I would, but you were the one who was against me learning gluebending. Well…maybe I could burn the glue off?”
“And me with it? Noooo thank you!”
“Beggars can’t be choosers.”
“Wait, wait, I think I have something to get rid of the glue back on my ship.” Usopp interjected.
“YOUR ship?” Katara accused.
“Yes, my pirate ship. For I am Captain Usopp, of the Usopp Pirates! And if you return me there safely, I promise you will be rewarded handsomely.” Usopp grandstanded, delivering a wink along with it.
“Mmhmm…alright then, CAPTAIN Usopp, YOU’RE going to point the way. And if you try to trick us, your crew is going to need a new captain.” Katara demanded, her voice icy cold as she dragged the flower onto Appa’s saddle.
“Eh heh…right, of course…uh, my ship has a lion’s head on the front, so just fly around until you see it.”
“You mean you don’t even know where it is?” Aang groaned.
“I didn’t really get to send my location to them before I got captured.”
“Huh…well, I guess there is one idea.” Aang offered, pulling out a bead string with four talismans attached.
“I made this to communicate with my past lives. Maybe one of them can tell us how to find the ship.” Aang noted, as he sat down and began to meditate.
“Oh, come on, there’s no way that can actually wo-what the hell is that!?“
A bearded old man suddenly emerged from Aang’s body, draped in red garb and cloaked in an ethereal blue light.
“G-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-GHOST!!!“ Usopp shrieked, trying to hit Roku with his slingshot.
“Hey, hey, what are you doing, stop! Roku’s a friend!” Katara insisted, trying to pull Usopp away.
“Forget it! I dealt with ghosts before, they’re never a good sign!”Â
As the two struggled for supremacy, Aang turned back to Roku, who had taken on a more natural shade.
“Aang, it is good to see you again. How can I be of assistance?”
“Roku, I need to find a certain ship so I can help my friend.”
“Well…it is rather unusual, but I will see if can honor this request. What does this ship look like?”
“It has a lion’s head on the front.”
“Hmm. You mean, like that ship down there?”
“Huh?”
The quartet looked down to see a tiny ship coming at them from below.
“Whattya know?” Usopp chimed in.
“Ah, thanks again, Roku.” Aang added, waving to Roku. The ancient Avatar spirit waved back as he disappeared back into the medallion, and Aang took Appa’s reins to fly down.
Meanwhile, on the Sunny, the Straw Hats noticed the massive sky bison flying towards them, and on the saddle they saw-
“USOPP!!!!”
A hand reached out several meters and grabbed hold of the saddle, allowing Luffy to slingshot his way on top.
He had tears streaming all over his face and snot coming out of his nose, but his smile was the widest Usopp had seen in a long time.
“It’s good to see you too, Luffy-san!”Â
Unfortunately, Luffy chose to hug Usopp, and found himself stuck.
“Shishishishi, sorry!”
“Oh, great, now all three of us need to get unstuck!” Sokka groaned, as everyone on board the ship started laughing heartily.
As the three incapacitated fighters were carried into Chopper’s medical bay, Aang and Katara hesitantly slid off Appa’s back and onto the ship deck.
“Wow, REAL pirates. Kinda crazy.” Aang noted.
“At least they seem nice.” Katara added.
“Ahem.”
The two turned to see Sanji striding towards them.
“M’lady?”
“Yes?”
“Would you care for a meal?”
“Oh, well…yeah, that would be great!”
Sanji nodded.
“‘Oh, viva-lady!'”
Aang walked around, examining the ship bow to stern.
“You know, this ship almost looks like something the Mechanist would make. If he was here, I bet he’d love it!”
“Ohhhh…do you think I could meet him sometime?” Franky asked, clapping his hand on Aang’s back.
“Ah, sure. It’s kind of a long trip to the Northern Air Temple though.”
“Well, if you gave me some directions I could…”
The two walked off, continuing to discuss.
“You know, they seem nice.” Robin commented, taking a break from her book.
“Yeah…maybe we should ask if they have treasure!” Nami suggested, her eyes turning into berry symbols, only for her to get smacked across the head by Zoro.
“Right, sorry.”
About a couple hours later, Chopper had finally dislodged the trio from the flower, and had tossed it into the ocean.
“Hey, thanks, little…reindeer man?”
“Aw, hehe, shut up! I don’t need your praise…” Chopper replied bashfully, wiggling back and forth with silent joy.
“Guess that’s it, huh.” Sokka noted, as he turned to face Usopp.
“You know, even though we kinda tried to…well, kill each other…I’m glad this happened.”Â
Sokka held out his hand, no hesitation in his moves.
“Heh, me too.” Usopp replied, shaking it with confidence.
With that, the duo went outside, seeing Aang and Katara already on board Appa with a good supply of food.
“Hey Sokka, can you believe they actually had lychee nuts?” Aang called out.
“Well, at least this trip wasn’t a waste of time then.”Â
Sokka climbed on and leaned back on the saddle, taking a breather.
“Let’s try and meet up again sometime in the future, alright?” Sokka offered. “After all, I’ll be training for our rematch, ‘King of Snipers’.”
“Count on it.”Â
With everything said and done, Team Avatar rose along with Appa, and flew off into the dawn’s early light.
Usopp, too focused on waving them off, only now noticed that he was holding something in his hands. When he took a closer look, he saw it was a small game piece with a white flower on it.
“A white lotus…” Robin breathed.
“Something tells me this goes a lot deeper than I thought.” Usopp muttered, as he stared off into the aether.
“What could you be hiding…?”
: What indeed…
: Probably nothing, and it’s just a throwaway scene you put in to attempt at making some kind of farce of coherent consistent worldbuilding.
: You’re not wrong, it just kinda hurts.
: You’re literally representing yourself with an edgy black hedgehog, you deserve this.
: And that’s why starting now I made this new avatar. From an edgy black hedgehog…
: To an edgy clusterfuck anime boi I made with some rpg maker website!
: I fail to see the improvement here.
: There isn’t. But at least now it’s original crap.
: Wait, are you replacing me too! This job is all I have until Bowser’s Fury comes out!
: Not now. But…you never know. I would need to figure out how to make non-cringe OCs, which requires skills gained from ancient Deviantart masters. Until then, sayonara everyone.
JJ's Writing Corner 