Obito Uchiha vs Lord Garmadon: Smackdown!

Forests near Konohagakure, 12:34…

Today, the deities above had decided it would be the most spectacular day in many months. The skies were swept clean of any clouds, as the sun shone like a gold coin in the azure sea. The heat was toned down from its blistering highs in the summer, and the light dappled the tree leaves just so. The entire forest gleamed, alight with a fire that left no burns.

Even the lakes were the perfect shade of crystalline sapphire, untouched by rampaging wildlife. It was perfect.

…Almost.

The only blemish in the perfect vista was a mid-length figure, clad in a black cloak. The garment was patterned with red clouds, the trademark symbol of the criminal organization Akatsuki. Much like the other members, he too had a distinctive trait, an orange spiraling mask with a single perforation to allow his piercing gaze to penetrate his targets.

Not many knew his past, and no one knew his true identity outside of a…certain man of legend. So, he was simply Tobi of the Akatsuki, taking a walk to clear his thoughts.

And then he felt the need to break the silence.

“Aw, maaaaaaannn…Kakuzu and Hidan, really going and screwing things up. I mean, they had the one job of beating those ninja brats of Konoha, and they couldn’t even get that right. I shoulda known this kind of incompetency would happen when I joined up. Really putting all the pressure on the new guy to pick up the slack, that’s just perfect.”

The masked ninja shrugged as he stepped over a pile of logs, crushing several fallen pine needles underfoot.

“Of course, when the plan all comes together, none of it will matter. The world will be forever changed, and no one will have the ability to fail again. The path to success and dreams will forever remain unbroken, and light will fall on every corner of this world. Then…”

Tobi’s monologue was cut short, as his ears picked up on the sound of footsteps and the crunch of shattered leaves. Quickly, he hid himself in the undergrowth, and listened.

From out of the bush came another figure. He was significantly shorter than the average man, but what was most startling was the shape of his figure. His entire body was black as night, and his head was adorned with an equally black samurai helm. His body was stranger still, a mass of ripped clothing and exposed skin showing his endoskeleton, and four arms stretching out from his torso.

“‘Yeesh, and I thought…actually no, I haven’t come across anyone that ugly yet. But he’s a pretty high bar.'” Tobi pondered.

The newcomer’s legends were quite well-known in the farther reaches of the world, beyond the scope of the ninja information network. On the island of Ninjago, he was known as the Lord of Shadows, master of the Skulkin army, slayer of the Great Devourer, brother of Sensei Wu, and father of the Green Ninja of prophecy.

Carrying the blood of the first Spinjitzu Master, Lord Garmadon was not one to be trifled with.

But for the past several months, the lord had no interest in continuing to tread down the path of darkness. His past actions weighed upon him further with each passing day, and nothing in his pale heart spoke out to offer suggestions of redemption. 

And yet…

“I cannot pass on yet. There must be something, some grand final hurrah that the great Lord Garmadon can perform to mark my place in history, on either side! Brother, son, Misako…I wish you could guide me.”

“‘Misako? Could that be his…special one?'”

Suddenly, Garmadon halted. He glossed over the crushed pine needles, and then the very faint imprints in the grass leading to a nearby bush.

His eyes then trailed upwards, feeling the warm light dance across his skin for a moment. Briefly, he was reminded of his lost humanity, and believed that he could return to his life before the Great Devourer poisoned his soul.

Reality wasted no time in slapping the dark lord down to earth, and tilting the sun to cast shadows instead. 

“Ah, well…back to skulking around, completely innocent…”

As Garmadon strode past a nearby oak tree, he suddenly reeled around and delivered a swift kick, knocking a bush aside and revealing the hidden Tobi within.

“After dealing with some unwanted intrusions.”

Tobi flipped backwards and stood up, dusting off his shroud and fixing Garmadon with an unflinching gaze.

“Very nice, didn’t expect you to catch me there. Of course, I did leave enough clues, clumsy me.”

“Who asked you to hunt me down? Was it Wu and his Spinjitzu pupils? Ninjago City?”

“No, no…I’m more of a free agent, you see. Just scoping out the landscape for a little, get-together I’m planning.”

“Hmph, very well. I’ll leave you to it, then.”

Garmadon turned to leave, only to find the stranger miraculously in front of him, jamming a kunai in his face.

“‘How did he-?'”

“I’m sorry, but well…you’ve seen me around. Can’t risk the chance of ruining the surprise with you, say…mouthing off to the Hokage.”

“Ho-what-ay?”

“Wait, hang on, you aren’t working with the ninja here?”

“I am Lord Garmadon! I work alone, now and forever! If you leave me be, we will never cross paths again if I can help it.”

“If only it were that simple…”

“Hmm?”

“Lord…Garmadon, was it? I heard a bit of your monologuing earlier. I can tell you’re a bit of a lonely soul, aimlessly wandering, trying to find your purpose. Stop me if I’m missing something.”

“…”

“You even have family you’ve left behind, disgusted by your actions. That’s okay! I feel you, your struggles. You and I, we’re like two shuriken in a weapon belt.”

“Don’t you DARE…mmm…don’t you dare, try to compare our lives.”

“But it’s true…more than you could imagine.”

“So, you believe you truly understand the depths I sank to for power? For the ability to defy destiny? Then prove it.”

“Ah…now you’ve got me confused.”

“You seemed intent on finishing me a few moments ago. Time to back up your claims, and face me in a battle to the end. When our souls meet in combat, that is when you will truly understand me. And I, you.”

“You’ve got a flair for the theatric, don’t you? That’s fine…”

As Garmadon blinked, Tobi was millimeters away from his face, his eye warping and shifting.

“I’ll end you quickly. You, and your pretentious belief you understand me.”

Garmadon attempted to push Tobi away, only for his hands to suddenly phase right through, and then the rest of his body with it.

“What the-“

Before the Spinjitzu master could react, Tobi spun around and chopped down on Garmadon’s back, knocking the tyrant to the floor with a harsh thud.

“Oh, sorry, I think I accidentally dodged your attack, there. Wanna give it another go?” Tobi sneered, his hand outstretched.

“Wow, thanks!” Garmadon replied, his hand outstretching and reaching for his foe, only for his hand to phase through again, bringing the lord face to face with the earth once again.

“Pfthwap…well, at least it tasted better the second time.” Garmadon mused, before performing a breakdance kick to dodge Tobi’s next strike and get back to his feet.

“‘So, he has the ability to phase through my attacks? Maybe he’s a ghost…but then, that kick felt quite real. He must be able to control when he’s intangible, and when he’s not. I just need to find the tells…'”

“Trying to figure out how to hit me?”

Tobi materializing right next to Garmadon sent the lord of darkness reeling backwards in shock, an opportunity the shinobi quickly capitalized on with a punch to the stomach.

As Garmadon doubled over in pain, Tobi leaned down and whispered “You won’t.” into his ear, before performing a roundhouse kick to send Garmadon sprawling for a third time.

The former Skulkin commander dragged himself to his feet, coughing up a few dregs of blood from the abuse.

“‘Fighting with honor is getting me nowhere…time to go back to my roots.'”

Springing into the air, Garmadon flitted to a nearby tree branch, and kicked the trunk to release a cascade of leaves. Then he jumped around and smacked the other trees in rapid succession, releasing a veritable leaf tornado that encompassed the entire arena.

Tobi’s view was instantly shrouded by falling greenery, his eyes darting around to try and find his target. He was just about to look through a hole outsi-

WHAM!

A large mass slammed into the shinobi, the first good hit landed the entire battle, before it swooped back into the trees. The Akatsuki rookie barely had time to process the events before-

SMACK!

Another hit landed cleanly on Tobi’s mask, purposefully aimed away from where he’d been struck last, and where he was phasing out of reality. The crack formed was small, but it was progress.

“How does it feel, knowing you’re being outsmarted by your superior?” Garmadon taunted, bouncing from tree to tree and preparing for his next strike.

“Don’t count your toads before they’ve croaked, old man.” Tobi muttered, his eye twitching wildly as it surveyed the area.

From about five feet to the left and 50 feet above, the shinobi could feel the dark energy of his opponent, about to strike him once again.

And as Garmadon reeled back his fist, expecting to strike true once more, he unexpectedly found his arm passing right through, allowing Tobi to use his free hand to grab Garmadon by the face and slam him, hard, into a nearby stone, leaving behind a sickening crunch sound that reverberated through the woods. 

“Ugh…how did you-gah!”

Tobi picked Garmadon up by the face once more, until they were eye to eye.

“My eyes are rather unique, you see. I can see eeeeeeeeverything you try to do. You could call it my own sort of magic, I suppose.”

With that, Tobi threw Garmadon into a sturdy tree, instantly felling it with the force of the strike. With a leisurely gait, the masked missing-nin strode across the grass to his “defeated” foe.

“Oh, how very weak of you, ‘Lord’ Garmadon. You want to fight me, and you can’t even commit for more than a few minutes? How pathetic, for a supposed champion of darkness and destruction. I’ve seen genins more skilled than you!”

As Tobi prepared to deliver the death blow, Garmadon snapped up and flashed a wide smirk.

“Ninjaaaa-GO!” 

From the darkest pits of the Realm of Madness, Garmadon’s art of Spinjitzu was reborn, turning the four-armed warrior into a rapidly rotating engine of destruction. With every revolution, he delivered a swift strike to Tobi’s body, the Kamui unable to keep up with the blinding speed of Spinjitzu as it left several cuts on the Akatsuki cloak.

One final twist sent Tobi careening back into the bushes, allowing Garmadon to slow down and catch his breath.

“Oh…oh, I’m getting too old for this.” 

Learning his lesson from before, Garmadon was more cautious when approaching his foe this time, unsheathing his blade and preparing to stab into the heart.

But just before he could pierce the bush with his sword, he heard the faint sound of hands clapping together repeatedly, before-

“FIRE STYLE-GREAT FIREBALL!”

A massive blazing comet surged out of the underbrush and slammed into the lord of darkness, searing his flesh and leaving behind several scorch marks as he was blasted to the ground. Some of the sparks even caught fire on the grass, increasing the intensity of the maelstrom with each second.

As the embers licked at Garmadon’s sides, Tobi leapt to his feet once more, patches of his skin showing through the holes in his cloak and mask.

“So, it appears you were hiding a few secrets from me after all!” Garmadon noted, holding his arm as he stood up. “But if you expect to defeat me, you have to stop holding back sooner, rather than later.”

“For once, we share the same opinion.” Tobi grunted, as he disappeared in a vacuum spiral right before Garmadon’s eyes.

He reappeared immediately behind his enemy, with another kunai cocked at Garmadon’s neck.

“Try to keep up.”

Garmadon attempted Spinjitzu again, but this time Tobi’s Sharingan had completed its analysis of the move, and allowed the shinobi to pinpoint the exact position to grab to immediately stop the technique. 

With his foe paralyzed, Tobi delivered a brutal series of jabs to the midsection, before performing a sweeping kick that unbalanced Garmadon, and following up with a double-handed palm strike straight into the ribs, smirking as he heard a satisfying crunch on impact.

The last hit blasted Garmadon straight through the burning copse, knocking over an entire swath of maple trees and fern stalks, before finally colliding with the ground and rolling headfirst into a massive boulder.

Satisfied with his handiwork, Tobi prepared to leave, but the very faint grunts in the distance interrupted his plans.

“Shoulda figured, he’s a tough nut to crack. Lets me ride out this for awhile longer, though. Deidara was supposed to meet me here, lazy bastard…”

Garmadon was…not faring as well. His blood felt like acid, his bones were falling apart, and even getting to his knees took what felt like eternity. But, at last, he did manage to right himself, and stare into the fires he came out of, now smothering the entire forest in dancing embers.

He didn’t move. He had nothing to gain by running until the advantage was his. And he had an idea that might tip the scales, if everything played out just so…

Patiently, he waited for Tobi’s arrival, confident he would either appear behind, or immediately in front. His theory was quickly proven correct, as he saw the vacuum spiral appear about 5 feet away, opposing him.

“How predictable.”

This time, as Tobi phased back into reality and prepared to deliver a swift chop, Garmadon sidestepped, pushed the blow aside, and delivered a hard uppercut into the shinobi’s jaw with his lower right arm, knocking the enemy into the air. But he wasn’t done, grabbing hold of Tobi’s arms with his upper arms before delivering a rapid-fire series of jabs that elicited pained grunts, before throwing Tobi upwards and landing a double uppercut into the torso that sent him further skyward.

“I think I can keep up well enough.” Garmadon echoed, as Tobi fell face-first into a tree branch, before falling limp to the ground. 

“‘He’s in position, time for the fun to begin…'”

This time, it was Tobi who coughed up blood that stained the inside of his mask, making everything warm and sticky, and obscuring his vision in a sea of red. But still, he could make out Garmadon striding towards him, a malicious grimace plastered across his visage.

“Not as fun when you’re on the losing half, is it? Perhaps now, the gulf between us is painfully clear. And you, my inept friend, are what’s referred to as a loser. Loser in life, and probably in love too-“

“SILENCE!” Tobi roared, pulling back his fist and preparing to launch a punch, only for his body to tense up and freeze immediately, blocking any movements.

“Wh-what have you-“

Garmadon simply let out a spine-chilling cackle, letting the laugh drag out before facing the shinobi.

“Looks like I touched a nerve there. Maybe we are alike after all. I mean, you and I both seem to have girl troubles.”

“But yes, about your predicament…you see, I don’t actually exist.”

“Eh?”

“Ah, what I mean is that I’m not ‘living’ in the same way you are. I am merely a shadow. Sometimes, it causes problems. But shadows also have a far reach…”

Tobi looked down, and felt sheer horror as his own shadow, cast by the fading sunlight, contorted and reshaped itself into an exact clone of Garmadon, restraining him.

“And so comes the end of the great…what was your name again?”

“Tobi.”

“Tobi. You should know never to underestimate a Spinjitzu master.”

Surprisingly, Tobi began chuckling. Soon it escalated into full-on laughter, throwing his head back.

“Wha…why are you laughing?! Stop laughing!!”

Soon, Tobi ceased, and stared at Garmadon once more.

“Oh, I’m sorry. My mistake. I was treating you like a child, because you so obviously lack any competency in battlefield tactics.”

“You’re restrained by my shadow and I’m about to kill you, and you criticize my tactics?”

“Yes. You claim that I shouldn’t underestimate you, and yet you have committed a cardinal sin by underestimating me. You believe you’ve seen the extent of my ‘bag of tricks’, when really…”

Tobi leaned in close.

“I’m only scratching the surface.”

Without warning, Tobi disappeared into a puff of smoke, and in his place was a common moss-covered log.

“Impossible!”

Garmadon looked around, but couldn’t react fast enough before a hand pierced straight through his chest, and a cold sweat fell down his back.

“Substitution jutsu. As if I’d ever let you get the upper hand for even a moment.”

A stabbing pain shot through Garmadon’s body, as life began draining from his cells.

“I’ve just phased through your body, and systematically destroyed your organs one by one. Your life will cease to continue in a few seconds, and no one will be any wiser. Goodbye, ‘Master’ Garmadon.” Tobi mocked, spitting out extra venom in his last words, before ripping his hand out and leaving a gargantuan hole in the warrior’s stomach.

Then, for good measure, the Akatsuki member raised his foot to crush Garmadon’s head into pulp. But yet again, Tobi took too long, and Garmadon’s regenerative prowess kicked in fast enough to heal the lost organs and flesh.

Just before Tobi kicked down, Garmadon grabbed his foot and flipped into the air, before transitioning into a brutal stomp into Tobi’s back…

…only for Tobi to disappear once more, this time in a puff of smoke.

“More substitutes and decoys, to hide your cowardly nature!” 

“Yes, but at least give me credit.” A voice sounded from all around, echoing through the trees.

“At least I’m creative with them, that was a bunshin jutsu to make clones. You see, totally different.”

“A shadow clone…hey, you stole that from my playbook!”

“If you can’t beat them…”

Tobi suddenly appeared above Garmadon, fist reared back.

“Join them, in hell!”

Tobi slammed down on Garmadon’s head, knocking his skull into the ground, before grabbing his stomach and disappearing with him into another vacuum spiral.

(stop music)

Kamui dimension…

In a desolate, black void, a lone white platform stretched endlessly across the abyss, disappearing into the aether on both sides.

It was in the center of this structure that Tobi rematerialized alongside the lord of darkness, throwing him onto the floor with the grace of an empty suitcase.

“Ohhh…my head…” 

Garmadon sat up, and looked around.

“No…NO! You brought me back here, to the Underworld!?”

“Afraid not. This is my own personal dimension of sorts, Kamui.”

Garmadon took another look around.

“Now that you mention it, it is a lot less…squishy, and dank than I’m used to.”

“I hope you like it here, because you’re going to be acquainted with this place for a long…LONG, time. Hasta la vista, Garmadon.”

Tobi began to disappear, but his arrogance caused him to waste too much time waving goodbye, allowing Garmadon the crucial moment he needed to run and slam into Tobi’s frame, knocking him backwards and causing the spiral to vanish.

“‘He didn’t phase through that…maybe he couldn’t! Maybe that’s the secret!”

“I know your weakness now, worthless dog!”

Tobi turned, his eye filled with hate.

“Whenever you phase, this must be where you end up. So, if you’re already in the place you go to when you phase, then nothing happens! Your greatest strength, now your greatest weakness! The hubris you displayed, bringing me here, leaving me to die…it will be your undoing!”

Tobi attempted to vanish again, only for Garmadon to start kicking him in the stomach repeatedly. Over and over, Garmadon’s hard, blocky foot jammed itself into Tobi’s flesh, leaving painful imprints all over, even causing blood to start pouring out.

“Do you yield?”

Tobi started coughing, his mask beginning to crumble from the relentless assault, and tried to stand up.

“Yes…I will take you back.”

Wary, Garmadon put his hand on Tobi’s shoulder, and readied himself for the journey back. In total concentration, Tobi began the warping process.

As the two sped along the dimensional byway, Tobi turned, the cracked bottom part of his mask falling away to reveal a wide smile.

“Don’t you dare-“

“Oh, don’t worry. We’ve reached your stop.”

And with that, Tobi kicked out and knocked Garmadon away, leaving the ruler of shadows to fall into the pits of oblivion.

“Ahahaha, good bye!” Tobi remarked, as he turned away to focus on the rest of the escape. What he wasn’t prepared for was-

“NINJAAAAGOOO!”

“Not again…”

Indeed, it was him. The former ruler of the Underworld was rocketing back up, riding his helmet for balance and levitation as he used Spinjitzu to escape the darkness.

“HrrrRRAGGH!” Garmadon roared, primal fury escaping his lips as he delivered a powerful sucker punch to Tobi’s face, completely shattering what was left of the mask as the two tumbled into a bright light.

…

When his bloodshot eyes finally adjusted to the new world, Garmadon looked around and saw…he was back in the burning woods.

Annnnnnnnd he ended up sitting on a flaming log.

“Oh, wow, that’s quite a warm sensation. Actually, it’s pretty toasty. Nope, getting hotter, bit too hot, kind of burning, SWEET SPINJITZU MASTER ABOVE, GET IT OFF!”

Garmadon tried rolling around in the grass to get rid of the heat, only to remember that the grass was on fire too.

“YEOWWWW!” 

Garmadon ran around, coated in flames, until at last he saw a muddy stream through the smoke. His life flashing before his eyes, Garmadon made a break for the water, throwing himself in at full speed with a splash that doused the files in a 50 foot radius.

“Covered in muck, scum, and charred flesh. Ah, it really IS like the Land of Madness.”

After drying himself off, Garmadon looked around, and saw a familiar sight: His current nemesis.

Unmoving.

“Well, well…look at that. All the effort you went through, and I’m still king of the hill. It’s quite sad, really, how you fester and wallow in your own failure. It suits you, Tobi.”

As if these words had roused his spirit, Tobi stirred, and began propping himself on one knee and his quivering arms.

“And yet, you continue! I would applaud your courage, if it wasn’t so mired in stupidity.”

Slowly, Tobi turned his face, the last vestiges of his mask crumbling away and revealing his true face. 

He was fair-skinned, with a shock of black hair, and eyes fitted with the same Mangekyo Sharingan. He would have been handsome to most, if not for the marred side of his face, a grim reminder of an accident long ago.

“I’m not…Tobi…”

Garmadon simply crossed his arms, shaking his head in amusement.

“Then enlighten me. What IS the true identity of the maniac behind the mask?”

With closed eyes, the nameless man answered-

“OBITO UCHIHA.”

His face transfixed into a dark scowl, Obito widened his eyes and released a ripple of powerful energy, sending shockwaves that pierced Garmadon’s brain and latched into his spinjitzu energy receptors.

“Uchiha, pah. Is that supposed to strike fear into my soul? Any lineage pales when compared to that of the Garmadon bloodline! And to prove it, I will show the difference in ability between us.”

Garmadon raced forward, throwing a punch with minimal weight behind it. As he expected, Obito once more vanished into an inky black cloud.

Wait.

“Black cloud?”

Garmadon swung behind him, but there was nothing there.

“‘It’s different from that technique before…'”

“How observant of you.”

The voice boomed out from everywhere, and yet it all seemed concentrated from one place. It was softer than a whisper, yet emitted more sound than a thousand screaming children. It was coarse as sandpaper, and smooth as silk. Contradictions, and unification, all threatening to erase Garmadon.

“Accept your helplessness. Your weakness. Your destiny. I have toyed with you, let you have the smallest glimpses of victory, just for this moment. To break you, and your spirit. Now, you can sacrifice yourself, and offer what little vestiges of strength you have to me.”

The world dissolved into a flock of ravens, swirling like a tornado. Then the ravens turned to fiery phoenixes, with talons made of dark matter. Then the phoenixes reshaped into dragons, with scales decorated by thousands of screaming faces. The landscape kept shifting, from a smoldering hell, to freezing mountain peaks, to an acidic swamp.

Dozens of apparitions in the shape of Obito’s mask swirled around the lord of darkness, encroaching with every second, all marked with glowing eyes that kept Garmadon locked in place, unable to defend himself.

“This…this is all a trick! Your illusions can’t fool me, Obito! I will seek vengeance!”

“Fool. My ‘illusions’, as you call them, are more than just simple party tricks. They can bring your deepest nightmares to life, and make you relive them for eternity. I control the passage of your life, when it ends, and how painful that end will be. In this world, I am God.”

The floor opened up beneath Garmadon, and he began falling into a never-ending pit. Around him, the demons of Ninjago appeared-Serpentine generals he had banished to the Cursed Realm, the sinful influence of the Overlord, even the lingering curses of Master Chen, forever marking him as a traitorous snake, and a pathetic excuse for a brother.

The world continued to grow darker and more cold, and the dim light in Garmadon’s soul became more of a flickering spark.

Yet, Garmadon didn’t move. To an outsider, it would seem as if he had already given up, and chose to let the Preeminent take him. But…

“If you are ‘God’, then…I will abandon faith! I will take the road beyond heaven, and become the supreme overlord! Not only of Ninjago, but of creation itself! The world will shake as it hears the name of LORD GARMADON!”

A black fire began erupting from Garmadon’s skin, spreading across his body until he was enveloped in pure midnight darkness.

“I tried to follow the path of redemption. I tried to do every minuscule thing I could, to right the wrongs I’ve committed. But you forced me to look deep within myself, to see my greatest sins face-to-face. You forced me to accept my inner demons, and embrace then once more. You want to drown me in despair? DO YOU, OBITO!? Then I will dig even deeper! I will use your black illusions…TO OBLITERATE YOU!”

With that, Garmadon let loose an anguished scream, his aura flaring out for miles in the empty void. The shadows themselves seemed to cower at Garmadon’s power, shrinking back and revealing…a door?

Garmadon strode towards the exit, forcing away all the pitiful nightmare creatures with the magnitude of his power. The light enveloped the chosen warrior as he passed through into the outside world.

Outside the genjutsu, Obito was preparing to correctly finish Garmadon off this time. He had set several explosive tags all over Garmadon’s body, rigged with a toad oil fuse.

“With any luck, this’ll blow him into so many pieces he won’t ever come back together.” 

As his preparations completed, Obito performed a series of hand gestures, sucked in a breath, and blew another Great Fireball jutsu to ignite the fuse. The inferno followed the trail, its target mere seconds away from annihilation, when-

Garmadon’s eyes blinked, and refocused. Just in time to see the oil trail light its last dregs, and prepare to explode!

“NINJAAAAGO!” Garmadon roared, defiant, as his body once more took on the form of a twister. The master spun at blinding speed, blowing away all the tags just as they released their explosions, littering the sky with a shower of red and gold flakes.

“No way…” Obito muttered, his face mired with shock. “How did you escape that genjutsu?”

“You should have known better than to snare an insipid monster with their own sins. I have lived and died by my failures, you cannot control me with them!”

Obito tried to punch, only for Garmadon to grab the fist with his top right arm and start pulling.

“Now I have a question for you. How do you want your arm removed?” 

“I can make it a slooooooww burn.” He began, giving a consistent, deliberate tug while holding back Obito’s face with his other arm.

“Or, I can just WRENCH it off, like so.” 

Garmadon pulled harder on the arm, straining with two hands. Sinews began elongating around the shoulder, and blood started to squirt out from a few cracks, eliciting several pained cries from Obito.

“The quick way it is, then.”

With that, Garmadon finally put enough strain on Obito’s frayed arm, that when he administered a final tug, the whole limb flew off the body, leaving a bloody chunk of meat in his hands.

The dark lord looked at the arm, then at Obito (who was staring at it with shock), then back to the arm. Then, Garmadon had an idea. A truly wonderful, awful idea.

“Oops.” he said, as he dropped the flesh onto the ground, staining it with dirt and bugs.

Before Obito could reach out and grab it, Garmadon had already stomped it into the floor, crushing it into pieces as his boot was caked in dripping, drying blood.

“Was that important?”

Obito seemed stunned at first, until his complexion morphed into one of calm serenity. Or, perhaps it was condescension.

“Not particularly.”

From the stump that used to be Obito’s arm, white tendrils snaked out, interlocking and reformatting. Five fingers stuck out, before the whole growth turned an apricot color. Obito’s limb had regrown…somehow.

“Oh, don’t look so surprised, Garmadon. Or did you believe you were the only one who could replace a body part or two?”

“I hadn’t considered you could do it, no.”

“Hmmhmmhmm…”

Obito curled in his body, his hands clutching his cloak. With a mighty flourish, he ripped his outer covering off, exposing his pale skin. 

Really pale, actually. On one side.

Obito ran his hand along his body, starting from the nexus point in the chest, before running it along his arm as the right half of his body slowly turned ghost white.

“Hashirama Zetsu cells. They regrow in response to physical trauma.” Obito explained, admiring his veined hand before punching the ground, cracking it with a smug expression.

“You can’t hurt me, Garmadon!”

“Then, it would seem that we’re at an impasse. Our fight will be decided only by skill…and who has the drive to win the hunt.” Garmadon admitted, his teeth bared in defiance as he kicked what remained of Obito’s lost arm into a bush.

“Come and get me.” Obito rebuked, his eyes sparking with new vigor.

Accepting the challenge, Garmadon dashed forward, attempting to deliver a strike to Obito’s stomach. As the ninja disappeared into smoke once more, Garmadon reeled around and delivered a kick to the Obito behind him, who substituted with a boulder cracking under Garmadon’s power. 

Jumping into the air allowed Garmadon to dodge Obito’s next underground assault, but his movements became more erratic as a series of wood pillars emerged from the ground, attempting to snare Garmadon in a cage of plant roots.

Thinking quickly, Garmadon pulled out his twin blades and slashed away at the encroaching roots, slicing them to ribbons. Yet more roots emerged from the stumps, catching Garmadon’s right arm and forcing him to drop a blade.

Garmadon attempted spinjitzu to free himself, but Obito had wisened up, grabbing hold of Garmadon’s other limbs to stop the centrifugal force. The roots then began tugging outward, stretching Garmadon’s flesh beyond their intended limits.

“I’m sure you don’t need me to point out the obvious, but I’m going to rip off your limbs, as payment for mine. I’d say you’ll only be half the man you once were, but it’s more like a third.”

Straining against the bindings, Garmadon found himself with only one option.

“Mmmmm…”

“Weeohweeohweeeeeee…”

“What kind of inane garbage are you spouting now?”

“That, my friend, is what’s known as a distraction! DRAGON OF DARKNESS, I SUMMON YOU!”

…

…

“Annnnnny time now, dragon.”

…

“I am WAITING!”

“Looks like your big plan was a dud. Maybe that’s why you always failed to conquer your precious homeland.”

SCRREEEEEOOOOOHHH!

“Nope, just needed to be patient.” Garmadon chortled.

A massive dark shape blotted out the sun with its presence, casting the entire world into shadow. Then, the figure came down, revealing a giant dragon. His form was inky black and purple mist, seeming to transform into a different nightmare creature with every second, except for the gargantuan black wings. 

“Harbinger of annihilation, I command you! Unleash the flames of the underworld, and scorch the earth!”

With a world-shaking roar, the dragon of the darkness flame unleashed waves of black terror, so potent in ferocity that they completely shredded the wood jutsu and knocked Obito on his back.

By the time Obito had righted himself, Garmadon was already saddled atop the great beast, its mouth wide to charge up a dark blast.

“Even you must be starting to run out of options, great ninja! Surrender, and perhaps you can serve me in my exodus!”

Obito looked around, desperate to find a solution, and caught sight of the stream Garmadon doused himself in. An idea began formulating.

“Alright, alright, you got me. I’m putting my hands in the air, and so on, and so forth.”

As he was raising his hands from behind his back, Obito performed a series of lightning-fast hand gestures, the symbols of one of the elemental jutsus. His arms finished their ascent, and Obito began to suck in his gut.

Under his breath came a whisper of “Fire Style-Fireball Jutsu.”, and an infernal blast of tremendous heat rose forth, colliding with the water and generating an eruption of steam.

Everything was shrouded in thick mist, to the point Garmadon couldn’t even see his hands in front of his face. The dragon had no better luck.

“UeurRAGH! New rule, never let an enemy put their hands behind their back, why do I keep forgetting?”

As Garmadon cursed loudly into the horizon, Obito slipped away through the trees, panting as his chakra reserves began to run dry.

(stop music)

“Ha..hah…I never thought…I’d struggle this much against another ninja…perhaps he even surpasses him…I need to find some way to shift the balance.”

As Obito continued to walk, he ultimately tripped over something and felt face-first into the dust, the grains peppering his tongue. After a brief spitting to clear the taste, he felt a thunk on his foot.

“Mmm, hello!”

The ninja looked around, confused.

“Down here.”

…

“Liiitle to the left.”

…

“Yes, I am a turtle. Do not ask questions. More importantly, you seem to have tripped over me by accident.”

“Why should that concern me?”

“Why should it concer-I am no ordinary turtle! I am a turtle who travels through the infinite streams of time! I can take you forward, backward, sideways, even diagonally throughout history. You would be unwise to question the scope of my abilities.”

“Time…”

“‘Maybe…maybe I could go and stop myself from being crushed. Maybe I could be with Ri-‘”

“Do not even think about it.”

The harsh words snapped Obito back to reality, as he cleared his mind and stared at the impudent reptile.

“Excuse me?”

“You’re planning on traveling back in time and changing the past to improve your present. But the rules of time travel forbid it!”

“But they don’t prevent interfering with the future, do they?”

“Well, no, technically-“

“Then you’ll take me there.”

“Actually, I was planning on-“

“Oh no, you misunderstand. This isn’t a request.” Obito growled, grabbing the turtle by the neck and beginning to squeeze.

“Ack..gah..okee…I’ll tahk you ta de futer, lemme gah!”

“Try not to have opinions in the future.”

Choosing to ignore that, Karasuki focused his chakra into one point, and began squeezing it out, making the chakra manifestation bigger, and bigger, until at last it became a swirling vortex, revealing locations from across time and space in its projection.

“With that, I assume my role is done he-aaah!”

Obito’s foot pressed down hard on the turtle’s shell, unflinching.

“I may have need of your abilities later. You go, when I say you can go.”

“Wonderful.”

Obito stared one last time at the portal, before walking into the great beyond.

Seconds after, Garmadon barged through the trees, knocking charred leaves out of his face and entering the clearing. His quarry was nowhere to be seen.

“Oh, that’s just brilliant. He’s probably going off to fetch his companions by now…hello. What do we have here?”

Garmadon inspected the still active portal, noting its ethereal nature.

“Mmm, well, if history has taught me anything, it’s that massive glowing portals at least lead to something interesting.”

And so Garmadon, after taking a deep breath and holding his nose (wait, did he even have a nose?), plunged right in.

As Garmadon and Obito surged through time, many moments throughout history emerged. The creation of Ninjago, the battle between two men at the Valley of the End, a woman sacrificing herself and becoming one with the ocean, and a great battle where heroes clashed with a horned white alien demon. The overflow of events was so great, it would make a normal man’s head explode from all the information.

Garmadon was so busy examining all the projections, he failed to notice he was drifting closer to the edge of the time tunnel. By the time he did snap out of his stupor, he was already halfway out!

He started backpedaling in a desperate attempt to climb back into the stream, but his wild flailing managed to get him turned around, witnessing events playing out in reverse.

“NIYNIYDNIDYDININDNS almost there…”

Finally, his head poked back into the tunnel, and he was able to leverage the rest of his torso in afterward, still facing the opposite direction.

“Ah, well. It’s probably fine.” he mumbled, continuing along the stream backwards.

Obito’s mind was mostly preoccupied by what he would find in the future, and if his plans would succeed, but his eyes did catch one notable thing: himself, crushed under a rock and surrounded by the two he used to care most deeply about.

“‘Rin…'”

Lost in a stupor briefly, Obito shook himself awake and pressed on, his gaze cold and unflinching. 

“I cannot show any weakness in my resolve, or the great Ten-Tails will never accept me. I will achieve serenity and inner peace in this time, and all time. I must.”

At last, the two fighters and the turtle reached the end of the journey, and exited out the other end. Oh, but how different their destinations turned out!

Obito landed in the future, as he anticipated. And just as he anticipated, it was a world thrust into total war. Hundreds of Shinobi on both sides clashed, along with an army of Zetsu and…was that Sasori?

“Edo Tensei, that’s Orochimaru’s technique. But he’s dead, how could…Kabuto.”

With that, he cast his eye over to the massive, monstrous beast on what he assumed was his side. There, riding atop its mutated frame, were two silhouettes. One was himself, and the other was-

“Lord Madara. So, he was brought back too. Then everything went according to plan. I must complete the Juubi and become Jinchuuriki, soon!”

With no time to waste, Obito sprung into the battling crowd, and disappeared from sight.

Garmadon, fortuitously, arrived in the exact opposite time point, appearing during his venture to the Golden Peaks to forge his supreme Megaweapon.

“Time travel…ah, that takes me back.”

…

“Wait! Maybe this is the great equalizer! Maybe this is destiny’s will, bringing me all the pieces of my ultimate gambit! Now I just need to convince…me, that I’m trying to help me, in the future, so he can grow into me but better. Why is time travel so complicated?!”

“Well, no time like the present. Or past.” Garmadon resolved, walking out from behind his cover of rocks and revealing himself.

The first to notice was one of the Hypnobrai, who delivered a low hiss that alerted a Venomari and Constrictai nearby. Soon all the Serpentine were staring at him, including the past Garmadon holding the Megaweapon.

Garmadon expected his past self to be shocked, but nothing happened.

“Future me…ah, reminds me of the time we almost destroyed the ninja!”

“Yes, well, a lot of things have happened since then. I’d love to explain, but ah…time travel has many repercussions, or so I’ve been told.”

“Well, you clearly came back for a reason. Spit it out.”

The two Garmadons came face to face, as future Garmadon lowered his voice.

“I need you to do something for me…”

Meanwhile, in the future, Obito bashed his way through the hoards of shinobi with his gunbai, leaping from stone to stone, and phasing through any hits that came his way. Nothing could stop him as he began scaling the remnants of the Gedou Mazo, gripping the white flesh of the Juubi as he climbed.

Atop the misshapen beast, the two Uchiha watched as the Shinobi alliance crumbled. The destructive power of the Ten-Tails was simply unrivaled, and everything was proceeding exactly as envisioned, all those years ago.

“So, Obito…what do you think?”

“It’s a vision I didn’t think would pass in my lifetime. The cruel, unjust shinobi world, the world that willfully sacrifices those with no perceived value in order to save the skin of a few pathetic links at the apex of the chain of command, falling to pieces before my very eyes.”

“Soon, the slate will be wiped clean. The Infinite Tsukuyomi will bring eternal peace. No more pain, loss, betrayal, selfish allegiances. Only unity under the banner of dreams, and the light of the moon.”

“So yes…I’m quite satisfied.”

Madara simply turned away, pondering how well the next phase of the war would turn out.

“‘Obito turned out to be quite useful after all…his disposal might even bring a tear to my eye.'”

The time for rumination ran out quickly when a curled finger gripped the head of the Juubi, and past Obito flipped up to stand beside Madara and his future self without a sound.

The three Uchiha simply stared at each other, wondering how the other would react. A time twin appearing wasn’t a common occurrence, but then time itself had never been truly set in stone with the Uchiha.

At last, Madara broke the silence.

“Obito, I don’t suppose you’d be willing to explain why you’re standing next to Obito?”

“Master, I come from a time far removed from here. A dark revenant engaged me in combat, and nearly won. His power is immense, and I knew the only way to overcome it was here, with the support of you and me. The other me.”

The two future Uchiha exchanged a knowing glance, before holding out their hands to their time-displaced comrade.

“Excellent. Now that things are taken care of, there’s a small matter I have to contend with.”

Immediately, a hand thrust itself through the back of future Obito’s head, and grabbed hold of his eyes.

Without giving future Obito time to react, past Obito’s clone wrenched the eyes out of the head and passed them to the prime past Obito, disappearing into the aether.

Madara watched, his eyes glistening with a cold delight as his partner collapsed to the ground, clutching the empty sockets where his eyes used to be and screaming hateful profanities.

Past Obito glanced at both eyes, before throwing the Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan eye to the ground and crushing it underfoot. The Rinnegan eye, with its outward expanding circular corneas, was slotted directly into his own eye, making a squelch noise as it passed through.

“The deed…IS DONE!” Obito roared, triumphant, as he stared at the moon with his two disparate eyes, feeling more power than he ever had before.

“I’m sure even Lord Madara is inferior to me now! I will complete the Infinite Tsukuyomi, and ascend to the throne of divine shepard of the ninja world! I will guide the people into a new future, a future without strife! None can oppose me!”

It was only after the noise faded that Obito noticed a distinctive foot tapping. Slowly, he turned to face Madara, who looked about as angered as a desiccated zombie could be.

“I said that out loud, didn’t I?”

Quick as the Konoha Yellow Flash, Obito somersaulted over Madara’s Katon-Mokuton jutsu combo, the burning wood leaving an acrid scent in his nostrils, before releasing a ripple from his eye that locked onto Madara, instantly transporting him to the Kamui dimension.

“I’ll deal with him later.” Obito grunted, as he turned to face the mountains. Now, he alone controlled the Ten-Tails, incomplete as it was.

Noting the whimpering mess of his future self on the ground, Obito kicked his time twin off the Juubi to eventually splat on the rocks below.

“So, your plans are complete now?”

Obito took Karasuki from the depths of his cloak and held him up.

“Yes.”

“You no longer require my services?”

“Correct.”

“And, you will release me?”

“Of course.”

The turtle smiled along with Obito.

One drop off the side of the Juubi later, and Obito once more steeled his nerves.

“Come for me, Lord Garmadon. Come, and let us battle to the end.”

Garmadon, having everything he needed from the past, waved goodbye to his past self and the Serpentine, and stepped back through a portal through time.

“Obito Uchiha, I’m coming for you. Our battle will be legendary! You’ve forced me to use all my power. You are my equal, you push me to surpass limitations. And for that, I swear on this Megaweapon…”

“…I WILL SURPASS YOU!”

As Garmadon’s words echoed across the passages of history, Obito waited patiently for his prey to arrive.

“How interesting, that man is…he sees my superior power, and yet he still continues to struggle and claw at victory with desperation. It will make snuffing out his flame that much more rewarding.”

What he didn’t expect was a time tunnel opening right above the Juubi, and something emerging from its maw.

GWOOOOARRRGHH!!

Garmadon’s massive elemental wyvern surged through the vortex, beginning a wide circle around the battleground. The flap of its wings was powerful enough to uproot the forests nearby, while blowing away entire platoons of shinobi without resistance.

Screams of terror erupted from below, as the ninja tried to mount an offense. The Suna ninja summoned fists of earth to punch the beast out of the air, the mist ninja created water tendrils to pull the dragon down, and the lightning shinobi infused the water with electricity to make a sparking tendril to electrocute Garmadon.

But all these blows were simply reflected by a flap of the dragon’s wings, crashing into the mountains and villages nearby and reducing them to rubble in an instant.

“His power is too great!”

“We’re doomed!”

“Run for your lives!”

“Do not retreat! Stand your ground!”

From the center of the army, a loud voice barked out to the troops. The fourth Raikage was someone incredibly intimidating and commanding of attention to even his fellow Kage, and today was no different.

“Concentrate your fire on that beast! We will back you up!” the Raikage bellowed, as he charged his fists with energy.

“Hmph, that Raikage…so high-strung, as usual.” the Mizukage commented, as she performed a series of hand signals.

Onoki, the wise Tsuchikage, shook his head in amusement. “You kids are always charging headfirst into battle, aren’t you? Hehehe, makes me nostalgic.” 

“Everyone, keep your focus. We have a limited window of time to strike.” Gaara, the new generation Kazekage, interjected.

“He’s right, we need to stand firm and stop this war. FOR KONOHA!” Tsunade, the busty Hokage, replied, her body taking on a pattern of black accents as she focused her chakra.

The other Kage nodded, as they summoned their most powerful jutsus.

“Lightning Style!”

“Water Style!”

“Dust Release!”

“Sand Coffin.”

“Super Punch!”

The five Kage combined their blows and created a powerful elemental burst that surged towards the dragon. 

In response, Garmadon waved his weapon around, and conjured a shield that reflected the combined assault right back.

“What the-“

KABOOOM!

The blast impacted the ground with such force that it split the earth itself, leaving the two halves of the army trapped on opposite sides, as the Kage were thrown back and hit the ground with devastating force. Only Gaara was spared from heavy damage due to his sand shield, but the rest were lucky to stand up.

“Incredible, that was our strongest move and he treated it like trash!” Tsunade said in disbelief.

“Whoever he is, let’s hope he’s on our side. For all our sakes.” Onoki prayed.

Garmadon finished his lap and dismounted in midair, diving to the head of the Juubi and landing with a light thud.

Raising his head, the Spinjitzu lord faced the false prophet and allowed a massive smile to split his face, his fangs bared.

“Let us begin.”

Garmadon tried to rush in and strike Obito with his weapon…

…well, he tried to move forward, anyway.

Every step he took seemed to take him backwards, and every second seemed to increase the intensity of the repulsion. Straining, Garmadon looked up, and saw Obito’s hand raised, almost as if-

“Deva Path.”

“Wha-“

Garmadon was suddenly pulled in faster than thought, allowing Obito to grab him and deliver a powerful uppercut that knocked the lord back. And then he activated the Deva Path again to attract Garmadon for another kick to the stomach. And then once more, for a spinning roundhouse that tossed Garmadon to the side.

But this Garmadon vanished into dark mist immediately, while another Garmadon struck from behind, knocking Obito to the ground as he stood triumphant.

“‘What? I’m sure I was phasing there, how did-‘”

“It’s quite simple, really. With my new Megaweapon, reality and creation itself are mere playthings to my will. I simply enhanced myself to breach your world.”

Obito was instantly smacked by the butt of the scepter, causing him to falter as Garmadon pressed his advantage. The Spinjitzu lord began spinning around, drawing the ninja into his vortex and delivering a barrage of rapid-fire energy blasts and kicks with his swords, before finally slamming his weapon downward onto Obito’s skull!

Almost.

In reality, Garmadon was floating about 15 feet in the air, unable to descend as Obito played with his movements with the Deva Path once more, flinging him around and around, and up and down, before slamming him into several rocks and trees, and finally dropping him on several ninja carcasses.

As he sat up to rub his head, Garmadon looked and noted the faces staring at him with disgust.

Then he looked up and saw the giant Juubi foot.

“Oh.”

“OH SHI-“

The foot stepped on Garmadon, seemingly crushing him without mercy.

“Hmph. What a disappointment. The ‘lord of darkness’, and he has the skill of a chu-“

RUMBLE

THOOOOM

THOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

From beneath the Juubi’s foot, a shifting and jostling occurred, growing more prominent as time passed, until finally the foot was lifted off the ground with a single stroke, unbalancing the titanic monstrosity and allowing Garmadon to slip free.

But this Garmadon was different. No longer was he dwarfed by the Juubi. He was seated at the head of a massive colossus, pulsating with dark energy. The malevolence of the stone giant was immense, pushing the Juubi back with its aura alone, and even striking the briefest terror into Obito’s heart.

“Now, at last, the REAL battle can begin!” Garmadon screamed, manic laughter escaping his lips as he began hopping from side to side, trying to disorient the one-eyed beast.

“How pathetic.” Obito mused, as his Sharingan activated and analyzed the giant’s moves.

“‘He’s going to do a left hook.” Obito processed, raising his left arm to his side to block the attack.

With Garmadon putting so much weight behind the punch, the Colossus became unbalanced, allowing for a powerful swipe from the Juubi to slam into the behemoth’s side.

The force of the blow was great enough to rip a chunk of the Colossus’ frame from its leg. It tried to reunite with its brethren, only for Obito to crush it and scatter pebbles everywhere.

“If I keep going, every inch of you will be torn to shreds. It makes me salivate just thinking about it!” 

Garmadon rubbed his head and tried to make sense of what happened. “‘His Sharingan has such a far reach, how am I supposed to dodge-‘”

The Colossus was suddenly lifted overhead, allowing Garmadon to stare down at the soulless eye of the Juubi.

“THIS is what I think of your borrowed power!” Obito countered, as he pulled the titan’s arms apart and-

RRRRRIIPP!

Tore the Colossus in half!

“Now, crawl into some rathole. And stay there. Your weakness sickens me.“

The mutilated pieces of the Colossus were thrown to the ground, as Obito turned away.

“Now, it is time to begin the Moon’s Eye Plan, and deliver this world true sanctuary-“

Instantly, a sucker punch was delivered into the small of the Juubi’s back, causing it to crumple and fall to the ground. In its place stood the revitalized Colossus, the scars of its bisection already fading.

While Obito was distracted, Garmadon used Spinjitzu to ascend the slippery back of the Juubi, running up its side and dodging the tentacle swipes. He somersaulted onto the head of the beast, seeing Obito coming into focus a few hundred yards away.

“Now I’ve got you.” 

Garmadon delivered a powerful punch to Obito’s skull, only for a pop to reveal a miniature Juubi spawn in its place, splattering into goop.

“No!”

He didn’t turn around fast enough to avoid Obito once again using the Deva Path to attract Garmadon, bringing the two close enough together to allow him to grab the Spinjitzu master. With some concentration, Obito combined two of his paths to summon a massive hellspawn beside him.

“Do you love your family?” Obito pressed, his fingers digging into Garmadon’s bones.

“Seems like a strange question to ask.”

“Do you love your family? Answer and die.”

“Don’t you mean answer OR die?”

The fingers gripped tighter, and blood starting spurting out.

“Okay, yes! Yes. Are you happy?”

“Extremely.” Obito replied, smirking, as Garmadon’s mouth was forced open. From within the depths of Garmadon’s essence arose a wispy, opaque spirit, trying to force its way out of Garmadon’s mouth.

“No escape, this time. Your life will soon be in my hands. But fear not: I will reward you with the grand death a man like you desires.”

To a lesser fighter, it would have seemed like the end, but-

“I’m no mere man.” Garmadon rebutted, his hands reaching out to grab hold of his soul and Obito’s arm.

“I told you, it’s pointless! You’ve lost to someone superior to you, accept it! Your weakness!” 

“No…the Oni’s power…”

“IS MINE!”

Garmadon let loose a massive explosion of dark power, knocking Obito back and carving a massive chunk out of the Juubi.

When the dust settled, Obito noted in shock how much Garmadon had changed. His helmet was discarded, replaced by two massive horns, symbols of the Oni clan. He now held both the Megaweapon and a longstaff in his hands, holy and unholy united as one for the first time.

“‘I didn’t expect this…but, no matter. I have everything I need.'” Obito assured himself, leaping to his feet. Using his Sharingan, he scanned Garmadon once more, analyzing the twitching of his muscles.

“‘His strategy is like an open book. He’ll try to fire an attack from the front.'” Obito thought, as he tensed himself to dodge.

“This match is mi-“

FWOOSH!

Garmadon instantly teleported behind the ninja and performed an uppercut!

“I am Lord Garmadon!”

BAM!

Another teleport into the air to do a double-handed downward slam.

“And only I can determine where my path leads, and if I follow it!”

KER-CRACK!

“Only I can command the endless energies of the Underworld!”

SMASH!

One final warp to the ground. 

“Only I…”

“CAN DECIDE MY DESTINY!”

Concentrating his energy and the power of the Megaweapon, Garmadon fired a massive beam from the weapon’s head, laced with elemental power and golden energy.

But instead of the beam ripping through Obito and rending his body asunder, the energy blast was being absorbed by Obito’s power!

“Preta Path!” Obito yelled, as he took the absorbed energy and fired it back tenfold, blasting a hole straight through Garmadon’s stomach!

The Spinjitzu master doubled back, but quickly recovered with his oni powers to freeze Obito in ice, only for the ninja to activate his Katon jutsu and melt out with a stream of fire that Garmadon blocked with a water geyser.

Through the smoke cover, Obito attempted to grab Garmadon for the Human Path again, only for Garmadon to use the Megaweapon and erect a black barrier that Obito bounced off of, allowing Garmadon to run in and skewer Obito with his horns.

“Guh!” 

“‘How…did he…defy the prediction of the Sharingan?'”

Blood dripping down his face, Garmadon jerked his head up and sent Obito skyward, allowing him to jump and match Obito’s height before raising the Megaweapon once more, this time turning Tobi into…

…a frog.

Breaking the mold, Garmadon decided to toss the frog into space, using his Megaweapon to make a million water balloons implode the amphibian from the inside, splattering frog guts everywhere.

Except instead of guts, it was scattered pieces of wood, the hallmark of-

“Substitution! Not this time!” Garmadon grunted, swinging his staff around to try and hit Obito behind him, only for the ninja to drill up from beneath to stab him in the leg!

Not to be outdone, Garmadon raised his staff, and-

SCHLICK!

Chopped off his leg, so that Obito surged upward without an anchor, allowing Garmadon to nail him in the back with his remaining foot. Obito sprawling gave Garmadon enough time to hobble and conjure a new leg.

“‘It must be his new form. Does…does he have the power to change destiny?'” Obito considered, as he flipped onto his feet.

Not wanting to waste time, Garmadon coated the tip of his staff in dark energy, and prepared to slice cleanly through Obito’s head. However, the ninja simply vanished in a puff of smoke, reappearing in the sky and performing another jutsu.

Only this time, Obito nicked his finger with his teeth, causing blood to squeeze out and dapple the ground in crimson, before the ninja slammed down on the Juubi’s head.

“SUMMONING JUTSU! ANIMAL PATH!”

“Oh great, what’s this gonna be. A giant frog, maybe a lizard, or-“

But instead, what appeared was a giant, many-legged, gold-accented-

“Overlord.”

Once more, the scourge of Ninjago, the Golden Master, reared his ugly head. And just like before, he went on a rampage, blasting golden energy in all directions, tearing through the battle, reducing thousands to ash, and slicing through thousands more with the aftermath.

“But…that’s-“

“Impossible?”

A small chuckle broke the silence, escalating into a manic cackle, Obito’s eyes widening, bursting with insanity.

“Not when your thoughts are revealed to me! All your secrets, laid bare in front of my eyes! The ability to conjure your greatest demon, at my fingertips! This is the power of the Rinnegan! This is the greatest power, the most legendary high!”

Under the command of Obito, the pseudo-Overlord struck, backhanding Garmadon with a powerful swing and blasting him through a nearby mountainside, with the puppet giving chase.

“‘That is, the greatest power for now.‘” 

As Garmadon kept getting punched through bedrock and mountainsides, his face started to bruise up, and he felt his ribs beginning to shatter under the assault.

“Don’t have much left in me…but maybe…” 

As Garmadon tightened his grip on the Megaweapon, it seemed to glow with golden power, restoring his energy.

“Yes, that’s it! My mind isn’t the only one that can be read…”

Focusing his Spinjitzu energy through the Megaweapon, and enhancing it with his raw fury, Garmadon unleashed a guttural roar as a red beam with golden flecks blasted from the weapon’s tip, and struck the false Overlord head-on.

At first, nothing happened. The silence was palpable.

“Any moment now…”

Then, the Overlord copy began to expand and swell up, its features becoming bloated as energy began seeping from its cells.

The pressure built up, and then-

KABLAM!

A fountain of blood and bean buns exploded outward, piercing through the rock as the blast itself atomized what was left of the mountain. But the strangest part was that the blood reshaped itself into a swarm of bats, which cycled like a tornado through the sky as they raced back to Obito.

Still in the middle of trying to perform a ritual, Obito was taken aback as the first blood-bat crashed into him. Only, these bats didn’t splat on impact. It was more like a hiss, releasing a liquid that seeped into his skin.

The substance spread to Obito’s muscles quickly. It interfered with his motor skills and caused his muscles to relax uncontrollably, robbing the ninja of his ability to focus. And of course, this was the time when an entire swarm appeared from far away, closing in at incredible speed.

With a set of hand gestures and a cry of “KATON JUTSU!”, Obito released a barrage of fire from his mouth, attempting to roast the bats alive. And it worked!

Well, almost. The cinders reformed, this time taking the appearance of ashen locusts, buzzing and coalescing together into the form of a scattershot demon.

This time, when the locust hellspawn fired its progeny at the ninja, he was ready. Quickly, he activated wood release to block the locusts.

The locusts instantly turned the wood to more locusts on contact, further strengthening the hoard and surrounding the msising-nin to chomp away at his skin.

As Obito attempted to hop and phase through the insect coalition, Garmadon appeared in the shadows behind him, materializing out of the darkness to stand behind Obito. Without a moment of delay, the master grabbed Obito’s back and neck, pulling him close.

“I just want to point out that, you gave me the idea for this. I offer my most heartfelt thanks.”

In anticipation of another clone, Garmadon flipped back as Obito tried to use the Human Path again, before using his Megaweapon and summoning the locusts. When they were all together, the scepter glowed with angelic light, and all the bugs became tightly packed, and flesh-colored. 

Their form shifted into something familiar. That nostalgic shock of hair, that childlike face, the rosy cheeks…

“No…” 

“Oh, yes.” 

Finally, the transformation completed, and standing there was a young girl.

“Obito, Rin. I believe you’re already acquainted?”

“You…YOU-“

“Bastard? Monster? Piece of garbage? Go ahead, call me whatever names you see fit. I just thought you’d be pleased, having your ‘snuggly-wiggly’ girlfriend back at your side.”

Obito just stared, livid.

“Oh, right, my mistake. You never actually went through with it, did you? No, you waited until you were buried six feet under to be the hero. But I’ve seen what you are, inside and out. Nothing but a worthless coward, letting your feelings and losses define who you are. And you tell me you’re going to ‘save the world’?”

“What a load of self-delusion. You can’t even save one, measly life! What business do you have leading an entire world?!”

“…Are you finished?”

“Eh?”

“I’ve listened to you drone on about my supposed weakness, about me ‘hiding’ my true reasons to fight, to survive, to kill. I didn’t want to listen to you waste time with self-congratulatory monologues and pitiful attempts to establish your ‘superior potential’.”

“I want to murder you. I want to obliterate every trace of you from across this entire maggot-infested planet. I came to make your pain as long and excruciating as I could, before I finally put you out of your misery.”

“Nothing has changed. Your pathetic attempt to shove my past in my face and make me ‘accept my failure’ is meaningless. I have no past. I have no home, nowhere to return to. The Obito Uchiha who bled out under the rocks died long ago.”

As if to prove his point, Obito reached Rin in two strides and thrust his hand through her chest, grabbing her locust-borne heart, and crushing it without hesitation. The girl’s faded whimpers and clutching at his shoulder did nothing to lessen his resolve.

The girl faded away, back into an insect cloud that quickly dispersed, leaving the two alone.

Garmadon slow-clapped, making the contempt in his face incredibly clear as he strode around.

“Well DONE, Master Uchiha! I’m VERY impressed by your resolve. I only wish that-“

RUMBLE

“…Well, that was odd. Now, as I was saying, I only wish that-“

KRACKA-THOOM!

Garmadon was thrown from the head of the tailed beast, free-falling to earth as the wind whipped past.

BLAM!

Garmadon hit the ground hard, forming a crater in the earth that reached down to the Earth’s core. Contact with the lava started melting away at Garmadon’s armor and weapons, accenting the orange magma with flecks of gold and raven black.

The pain was unbearable, and yet Garmadon was forced to keep bearing it, as a powerful force kept him restrained in the magma core. An intense gravitational force, not unlike-

“That Uchiha worm. I bet he’s laughing, right now.”

In reality, he had gone back to performing the ritual to strengthen the Ten-Tails with more Bijuu, magnetizing the Kyubi and the Hachibi out of their Jinchuuriki hosts and inching closer to achieving ultimate power.

“Soon…soon, everything will be decided!” Obito resolved, pulling the Tails closer.

Garmadon, meanwhile, remained stuck in the molten prison by the Deva Path. But the gravity seemed weak towards the left and right.

With some doing, Garmadon managed to barely close his middle finger around the Megaweapon’s hilt, dragging it over so he could firmly grasp it.

Now, Garmadon would seek vengeance.

“One good burn deserves another…”

From many miles above, Obito had nearly completed the summoning of the Tailed ones. The path to Jinchuuriki seemed inevitable. That is, as long as nothing went wr-

RUMBLE

This time, the entire planet seemed to shake, jostling the ninja around and causing his focus to falter. The Jinchuuriki, not missing a beat, zipped away into the shinobi alliance, out of sight.

“Damn it! I swear, the next time I see that piece of shit, I’m going to chop his limbs off and feed him to the Juubi, piece by piece.”

“Why wait!?”

The ground began oozing with brown liquid, all around the Juubi. Everywhere it touched, rocks and plant life began to turn to mud, making the ground under the Ten-Tails start to soften.

“Oh, no-“

From below, an entire tidal wave of brown liquid blasted up like a geyser, pushing Garmadon to the surface while shielded with dark energy.

The tsunami soon consolidated into a giant warrior, undefined in shape, but incredibly potent. He took a step, and his footprint carved a hole through the ground, along with splashing over all the ninja caught in range, encasing them in hardened mud.

Screams of agony rang out in unison as Garmadon’s earthen warrior slid across the arena, leaving dirty trails in its wake. In its path was Obito, controlling not only the Juubi, but Garmadon’s colossus as well.

“Alright! Now we have a real clash of the titans!” Garmadon exclaimed, forming a pair of arms from the depths of his creation.

Obito responded with a wave of his hand, sending the Colossus into battle.

“No banter with your nemesis? And here I thought you wanted to truly crush me! Show me the flame in your soul, the passion in your eyes, the hatred in your fist! Only then, will I acknowledge you!” Garmadon chastised, sweeping his mud hand across the Colossus’ arm and liquefying the joints.

The stone limb flew off, and with the built-up momentum, crashed into the limp right wing of the ninja alliance, squashing a few of the remaining pitiful troops that had survived the carnage thus far.

“Shut up and die.” Obito replied, monotone, as he swung the Colossus’ other arm, coated with fire release jutsu, straight into Garmadon’s monster. Although the arm was pried loose rather quickly, the fire managed to carve a gash straight through the abomination, forcing it off-balance.

Seeing an opportunity, Obito commanded the Colossus to perform a dropkick, nailing the monster in the stomach. But this time, Garmadon waved the Megaweapon, and a hole formed right where the legs hit, causing the colossus to fruitlessly pass through and get stuck in the belly of the beast.

Then he formed the monster’s body around the legs, immediately transmuting them and leaving the dark creation to fall, helpless, to the earth with a mighty thud.

“One by one, the dominos fall…” Garmadon mused, turning his attention to the Juubi. “One by one, they are crushed under my heel.”

Obito racked his brain, trying to come up with a plan…before noticing two familiar faces leaping over the mountains, their tails between their legs. 

“Ah…perfect.”

With a plan formulated, Obito commanded the Juubi to charge straight at Garmadon’s amorphous creation, swinging its tails coated with Bijuu chakra. The poisoned tails colliding with the mud created a horrible hiss that released deadly steam in all directions, polluting the air with instant-death particles filling the pores of more ninja.

Those that remained ran for cover, as one ninja cast protective wood shielding around the alliance. Meanwhile, Garmadon grabbed the Juubi tails and lifted the monster into the air, swinging it around like an oversized flail, and then slamming it down hard.

Then he did it again, and again, and again, until the Juubi’s skin was covered in swelling and bruises. Finally, the acid monster leaped skyward, blotting out the moon with his frame, before body-slamming at terminal velocity into the Juubi, creating an almighty explosion of power.

When the scum finally settled, the Juubi lay in scattered pieces, and one of its eyes had half-disintegrated. Blood and guts were strewn all around.

Obito lay amidst the Juubi’s flesh, his skin torn in multiple places. Garmadon’s monster also had vanished, its essence fleeing back to the earth’s core and returning to its lava state. The Spinjitzu master, unconcerned, brushed himself off and glided over to Obito’s unmoving body.

“And so, it comes to this. The end of the game. Unfortunately, the defeated now has to pay the piper, and my toll is your life. Sayonara.”

Garmadon prepared to exact horrible punishment on his foe (turning him inside-out and having crows eat his muscle tendon sounded particularly exciting), but it was only then that fate decided to intervene.

“Stop!”

“Hey man, put that weapon down, or on your head I’m puttin’ a crown!”

The Eight and Nine-Tails Jinchuuriki had finally arrived, surrounded by their respective beasts’ avatars that completely dwarfed the Spinjitzu lord.

“Ah, you two want a crack at this ninja too? Well, you are a little late, but I’ll give you a consolation prize: you get to see the power of the very weapon that put him down.”

Garmadon, his arrogance consuming him, turned away from his enemy to face the new challengers, completely unaware as the pieces of the Juubi’s carcass began inching towards each other.

Garmadon slowly circled around the two jinchuuriki, as they readied themselves to fight. The wind picked up and scattered dust all around, making it rain like black snowfall. 

So quiet, the setting was, that one could hear a pin drop for a thousand miles.

Then, the storm broke.

Naruto and Killer Bee charged up simultaneous Bijuu Bombs, hurling them at Garmadon and creating a nuclear storm.

The ocean was burned away by the combined power of two tailed beasts, and the entire continent across the sea was leveled in an instant, every structure for a thousand miles reduced to rubble.

When the smoke died, Garmadon was nowhere to be seen. The only vestige that remained was his charred helmet.

“I…I think we got him…” Naruto panted, holding his knees to steady himself.

“Right on, he’s gone, we beat him, time to get some dim…sum.” 

As the two Jinchuuriki shook hands and began to walk away-

SPLURT!

A mass of black rods ripped through their skin, causing blood to start leaking out. But more importantly…

“I-I can’t move!” Naruto grunted.

“Hey, hey, what’s this sensation, I’m not feeling any elation!” Bee rapped, before his hand suddenly swung around and grabbed his sword.

“Wait…these black rods! They’re like Pain’s…but that means-“

“Me.”

The two ninja felt chills down their spines as they processed the arrival of the Akatsuki commander, slowly clapping as he approached.

“Well done, my little puppets. You’ve done just as I hoped you would. All the pieces are now in place, which unfortunately, means your usefulness is about to come to an end.”

The jinchuuriki tried to attack, but were helpless as Obito exerted his control over the black rods, pulling them closer.

“Oh, don’t feel so bad. At least take solace in that when I cut your strings, you will be remembered as the brave martyrs who failed at their job, instead of just a duo of wasted potential.”

The missing-nin stroked Naruto’s chin, only for the fox-nin to bite his finger and glare in defiance.

“You little-“

Obito slapped the boy across the cheek, knocking him to the ground and leaving a bruise.

“I’ll be merciful and make your deaths quick regardless.”

“You always pride yourself on your ability to make friendships? Now you’ll die with your precious comrades.”

“Well, that’s cold comfort, how about a round on the basketball court-“

SCHLICK

Obito dug the rods further into Bee’s chest, before grabbing his face. Using the Human Path once again, he steadily extracted the soul of the Bijuu, Bee contorting and writhing and trying to scream the whole time.

At last, it was over, and Bee’s body slumped, lifeless, to the ground.

“Uncle Bee!”

“Don’t get worked up, it’ll be your turn soon.” Obito deadpanned, waving his hands. His summoning brought the Juubi pieces back together, quickly reforming into the monstrous Ten-Tails (albeit still coated in bruises and burns).

“That’s it, my pet, feed on your brethren, gain strength.” Obito crooned, as the Juubi sucked up the essence of the Hachibi. When the slurping completed, Obito turned back.

“I’d ask if you had any final words,” Obito began, standing tall as he forced Naruto to his knees, “but I’m running short on time, and patience, because of that halfwit Garmadon. So I’ll just take the Kyuubi back.”

From within Naruto’s heart, the colossal fox demon bared its fangs and growled, swiping out with a phantasmal paw and raking its claws against Obito’s stomach.

“Hahaha, yes, this poison, coursing through my veins…my heart, screaming in pain…this all means NOTHING!” Obito screamed, clutching Naruto’s face.

“Kyuubi, my old servant, return to me now, and fulfill your final duty!” 

Once more, the soul of a Bijuu floated out into open air, where it was immediately sucked up and consumed by the Ten-Tails. As the Nine-Tails soul vanished, the light died from Naruto’s eyes, and he too succumbed to death’s cold embrace.

“Now, everything is in place. The time to summon the Infinite Tsukuyomi is nearly at hand!”

Clapping his palms together, the ninja began performing a series of jutsus, muttering under his breath. The Juubi, as if drawn to the hypnotic tones, slid across the ground, beginning to contort itself into a more minuscule form as it was absorbed into Obito’s skin and mouth.

With the Ten-Tails now complete, a brilliant light shone from Obito, a powerful brightness that erased even the darkest shadows. Then it cleared, and Obito stood alone.

His skin had now turned a light green, almost alien-like in texture. Massive spikes jutted out of his body, and he sported a pair of uneven horns and a fresh set of black pants. Armed with a staff and several orbs floating behind him, Obito had taken on the powers of a Juubi Jinchuuriki, the mightiest power in the Shinobi world.

Flexing his muscles, Obito gazed across the void of eternity, witnessing the carnage firsthand. Then, his senses went into overdrive, detecting a dark presence from a distant island.

Thousands of miles away, a massive army battalion lined up, all coated in ancient armor and demonic helmets. And at the front, clad in a new silver helmet, was-

“Garmadon. His persistence is becoming intolerable. It’s time to stamp out his short, miserable life with the powers of a god.” 

Taking to the air, Obito began flying at light speed towards the Island of Darkness, as black clouds and thunderbolts stained the once-pristine skies.

The Dark Isle…

Garmadon took the time to glance over his newly reinvigorated Stone Army. It had taken some doing, bringing an entire legion through the timestream and under the Overlord’s nose, but at last, he commanded the full power of the army that once nearly laid the First Spinjitzu Master low. He was ready.

“Even the Megaweapon wasn’t enough to put him down. It’s times like these when those ‘children’ of mine would have come in handy…Harumi…”

Lost in thought, Garmadon spared only a moment to think about how his careless actions had robbed so many of their lives. Some he had no regrets about (I mean, come on, who’s going to care about every single random citizen, right?), but all the ninja he had slain back there…some of them might have had families, just like him, that they would never return to.

He wasn’t crying, of course not. Lord Garmadon never cried. But it did strike a chord in his twisted, shriveled up heart. 

Perhaps if he had the time, he would send a nice gift basket to their homes. Something feng shui, maybe a poison-spitting viper or two.

All musings that Garmadon snapped out of, as he felt a familiar aura across the horizon. An unmistakable power, enhanced beyond comprehension.

“He is here.”

“General Kozu!”

The tallest among the army, a red-clad general, snapped to attention. 

“Prepare your men for war! The final battle has arrived.”

“Yes, my lord.” Kozu acquiesced, turning to his troops. “Stand at the ready!”

“HOORAH! HOORAW! HRRAGH! KRRAGH!” the army roared, slamming their weapons against the ground in unison. It was quite an intimidating force to come up against, and Obito even grew a little rattled seeing the size of the army.

“Well, three may be a crowd, but 10,000 makes a wonderful dance.”

With his staff, Obito conjured forth thousands upon thousands of white-skinned warriors, along with a few hundred miniature copies of the Juubi. Altogether, his force presented a seemingly impenetrable wall of white purity, a force truly worthy of one with the mantle of Jinchuuriki.

“Now we have a true clash!” Garmadon roared, as the waves bashed against the island’s beaches and the trees whipped around in the hurricane-force winds. 

“Stone Army…charge!”

The warriors borne of rock let loose a battle cry before charging headlong into the action. Obito responded in kind with a flick of his hand, sending the Zetsu and Juubi spawn into the heart of Garmadon’s attack force.

As the two sides threw their first blows, the atmosphere quaked and rippled with every trading of hits. Air shockwaves burst out, forcing back the ocean time after time, and leaving the island isolated amidst weathered bedrock.

As his troops fought below, Garmadon took to the air to face Obito. Wielding the Megaweapon once more, he began clashing with Obito’s staff, the two trading blows at a mind-boggling pace and darting through the skies as blurs. Their speed was so potent, it even began to distort space, causing small cracks to appear in reality as they danced.

As Obito swung his staff again, Garmadon flipped overhead and used the Megaweapon to call upon a black aura, surrounding him completely and lacing his atoms with maligned energy.

As he clashed with Obito once more, small chunks of the ninja’s staff turned into blooming tulips with every strike, until Obito was essentially left with a blunt stick, which he promptly threw at Garmadon’s face.

The samurai dodged, but the brief lapse in focus allowed Obito to conjure a new staff from one of the orbs.

“How resourceful.” Garmadon conceded, before deactivating the aura as he charged in again.

“‘Ah, maybe that’s a weakness, his weapon has a finite power limit. I can use that…'” Obito pondered, as he released several of his orbs to home in on Garmadon.

Desperate to escape harm, the lord flitted from tree to tree, as the orbs whiffed one by one and reduced their targets to dust.

“Alright then, do not want to get hit by those.” Garmadon noted, firing off several elemental spells that were immediately reflected by Obito’s staff.

Some of the shots turned their targets into giant winged tigers that swarmed around Obito, while others created miniature black holes that began sucking anything nearby to other dimensions. A few of the Zetsu got too close to one and ended up in a realm of endless night, helpless as several mud monsters closed in.

The bloodthirsty wildcats tried to leech off Obito’s blood, but the powerful Bijuu chakra within immediately made all of them drop dead. Their rotting flesh, however, seeped into the ground, melting the dirt and creating a massive chasm.

From within, an army of undead hands and skeletal harpies burst forth, clad in bone armor and wielding electricity-tipped tridents. The deadly hordes joined together with the Stone Army, and began an assault on Obito, flinging their weapons into his sides while infused with arcing electric bolts.

Obito merely shrugged them all off, extracting the instruments from his skin and sending the orbs to wipe out the hordes en masse. He wasn’t even wounded.

“‘That’ll make things difficult. Elemental attacks and stabbing wounds have no effect! He must have some weakness. Perhaps its tied to those orbs…I’ll know soon enough.'” 

While Obito was distracted by the summoned infantry, Garmadon cast a spell with the weapon to turn himself invisible, quietly sneaking around until he was in backstabbing distance. 

The orbs were right there. With some finesse, Garmadon cast a barrier spell around the orbs, ultimately throwing them into the jungle right under Obito’s nose.

Except, the Obito quickly disappeared into a smoke cloud, and the real ninja lord revealed himself high in the clouds!

“Oh, give me a-“

FWOOSH

One of the orbs zipped by Garmadon’s sight and collided with his arm, the impact instantly annihilating the limb on an atomic level.

“Hehe, nice try. But you see, any second now my arm will be restored.”

…

“Just give it a minute.”

…

“Are you done?” Obito questioned.

“Yes, I’m guessing that arm’s not coming back. That’s fine, its okay.”

Garmadon blasted a rock with the Megaweapon, transforming it into an arm he struck onto his body.

“Problem solved.”

“Then, I’ll just have to erase you completely. The Truth Seeking Orbs will find you, wherever you go. Your Spinjitzu is worthless.”

Obito commanded four of his orbs to chase after Garmadon, who attempted to run away into the ongoing skirmish below. Weaving through the various battles, Garmadon finally spotted General Kozu slicing away at a Zetsu.

“Kozu!”

The stone warrior turned, his eyes looking strangely narrowed.

“Buy me some time while I think of a way to stop him!” 

Kozu said nothing for an agonizingly long time. Then, he raised his sword.

“Attack!”

“Hehe, excellen-wait, did you just speak?”

“Your time is up, Garmadon!” ‘Kozu’ snidely remarked, as his form changed into that of a White Zetsu.

All around, many of the Stone Army grabbed hold of their comrades and transformed back into Zetsu, restraining Garmadon’s troops and backstabbing them.

Literally, stabbing through their stomachs, and tossing their lifeless bodies aside.

The Kozu impersonator tried to grab Garmadon too, but his other two arms grabbed the Zetsu’s shoulder and judo-flipped him overhead, throwing him into a tree with a resounding crack, as the trunk split and fell over.

“After him!” Obito commanded, as a Zetsu squadron branched off and chased the fleeing Garmadon. 

Desperate to escape, the lord hit his head on a tree branch, causing the Helmet of Shadows to be knocked loose. With no time to lose, he picked himself up and continued running.

The Zetsu chased him further into the jungle, but one lagged behind upon seeing the discarded helmet. Picking it up, he raced back to Obito’s side, and presented the artifact.

“Hmm…this may be useful.” the ninja murmured.

…

In the forest, Garmadon could barely keep ahead of the Zetsu tide. He flipped over a fallen log, limbo’d under a canopy of leaves, and circled around another tree. 

Grabbing the branches, he stretched them back to their farthest point before letting them go, allowing them to recoil and smack two of the Zetsu across the face, flinging them away into a leaf pile.

Garmadon was about to keep running, but then-

“Wait, what am I doing?” 

Garmadon raised his weapon and cast a spell on the forest, before retreating into the shelter of a nearby cave. As the remaining Zetsu ducked under the branch-

KAZAM!

Three of the nearby trees shuffled out of the ground, their roots wiggling around as they barreled towards the Hashirama spawn. As the Zetsu frantically tried to reverse course and flee, their legs were tangled up by more of the living tree roots, leaving them helpless and dangling in the air.

Without mercy, the trees began spanking the Zetsu across their back, leaving bleeding gashes as they cried out in pain, squirming and writhing in an attempt to break free. But, to no avail.

As Garmadon exited the cave, he took a moment to admire his handiwork and chuckle, as the Zetsu ran screaming for their master.

“Hmm…they don’t seem to like those trees. And…”

As Garmadon looked closer, he saw that the scratches on the Zetsu’s backs weren’t healing.

“Could it be that, trees are his weakness?”

“Well, I don’t have any other options, so…”

With Megaweapon in tow, Garmadon raced back to the field of battle, the trees and plants saluting him as they parted.

Racing through the wilds, pricking his feet and skin on thistles, tripping over every root and getting dirt meals every 5 seconds?

“THIS is what I’ve been missing!” 

At last, Garmadon burst through the greenery, and took in the sight of…

…thousands of soldiers, all aiming their weapons at him. 

“Brilliant…wait, General Kozu!?”

Yes, even the Stone Army commander was there, his blade inches from Garmadon’s throat, and backed up by his legion.

“Yes, Garmadon. See how even your most ‘loyal’ subordinates all turn on you when they meet someone with real power.”

There, floating casually above the ground, was Obito, with one key difference: he now bore the Helm of Shadows as a crown.

“Thanks for leaving this behind, it adds that nice flair of irony to destroying you.”

“I wouldn’t get too comfy, if I were you. I have a personal attachment to that helmet, and I don’t like sharing.”

“Then come get it.” 

“Oh, I will.” Garmadon mocked, appearing behind the ninja and walking on air. 

Before he could react, Obito was struck by a fist and smashed into a horde of Zetsu and Stone Army, flipping over and over before sliding on his face a few dozen yards.

Before Obito could get up, Garmadon was there, grabbing him by the neck and flinging him into a rock, then leaping up and stomping hard on his back.

He was about to step on Obito again, but the ninja managed to summon one of his orbs just in time, causing Garmadon to dive directly into it and lose half his leg before he could pull out.

In the brief time he’d earned while Garmadon recreated his limb, Obito regained his balance and his breath, before noticing Garmadon’s hands and feet were coated in…wood?

“‘Impossible. How could he have figured out senjutsu?'”

Anxious to escape capture, Obito dodged the next set of blows from Garmadon, trying to make for the air-

Only to be stopped by several gnarled tree branches, extending quickly and grabbing hold of Obito’s four limbs. Quickly, they pulled him to the ground and began thrashing him around, slamming him into stone and dried mud ad nauseam, before finally throwing him into a field of tall grass.

Grass that quickly began pulling on Obito’s face, attempting to rip his flesh off.

The missing-nin thrashed around and dug his staff into the soil as leverage, slowly pulling himself free until he could finally breathe…albeit, with chunks of his skin removed.

“Uurgh…” Obito groaned, touching his freshly bleeding wounds and wincing.

“‘Finally, some progress.'” Garmadon pondered.

But it was too hasty, for Obito’s wounds began to close up the instant he retracted his fingers, and in a few seconds he was fully rejuvenated and charging straight at Garmadon, staff outstretched.

“Oh, this is gonna sting.”

KABAM!

CRASH!

BOOM!

Obito’s staff continued to smash into Garmadon’s head, with the lord being saved only by his protective wood helmet. In defense, Garmadon tried to use Spinjitzu and knock Obito away, but the truth seeking balls canceled it out and left Garmadon with half a leg and a missing arm.

Immediately, however, Obito was hit with the butt of the Megaweapon, disorienting the ninja and allowing Garmadon to trap a couple of the orbs with a wooden cage, bolted to the earth.

Then, he tried to recreate his limbs, but only managed to finish crafting the leg before Obito struck back, his staff missing Garmadon by inches as the dark lord sashayed underneath, sweeping his leg out to trip Obito before flying a safe distance away.

Seeking refuge, Garmadon took to the air and hid among the clouds, as the sky glowed orange with the coming of evening twilight. Obito wasn’t far behind, making a mad dash for the upper atmosphere and breaching the cloud barrier with a mach cone.

The skies slowly turned dark as Obito reached his destination, forcing him to rely on the Mangekyo Sharingan to detect his foe.

Something raced between clouds behind him.

Another movement diagonally upwards.

Coming dow-

CRACK!

A blow to Obito’s head, before the interloper fled to the safety of the clouds. He turned around and-

SMACK!

Instantly reversed to nail Garmadon with a well-placed kick, sending the lord reeling into the heart of another cloud.

He was about to pursue, when he noticed that the last traces of light peeking out from above had died. The winds carried an unmistakable chill, and the telltale sign of nightfall.

“The hour of reckoning…is nigh.”

Flying higher, Obito broke through the cloud ceiling to be greeted by open skies, and the shimmering, resplendent full moon.

“At last…”

Obito focused, and began performing a flurry of jutsus, his fingers flying back and forth as he prepared to summon forth the ultimate weapon.

From below, a rumbling shook the ground, toppling trees and splitting boulders with ease. The army was unbalanced, unfocused.

Some fell into pits, fated to never return. Others tried to run, but kept stumbling with every impact.

It was then that hell broke loose.

A massive root escaped the confines of the earth with a powerful KATHOOM, snaking upwards until it touched the sky. Then another root joined it, intertwining in midair.

Then another one, this time trailing along the ground until it found an ideal spot to dig in, sucking up nutrients.

More roots came out, following their three predecessors, until at last the creation was complete: a massive tree, lined with several dozens of branches, all with a giant bud on top.

Then, he turned his gaze to the moon, and concentrated. On his head, the skin flaps parted, revealing a hidden third eye reflecting on the moon.

From far away, the moon took on a new pattern, with the layered rings of the Rinnegan and the asterisk stars of the Sharingan, before taking on a malicious bloodred tone.

Without warning, the tree’s roots began snaking all over the island, wrapping around the soldiers and encasing them in cocoons.

“KLATA BUO!?” Kozu screamed, before he was encased along with the rest of the Stone Army. But the roots didn’t stop there.

They spread out over the oceans in all directions, reaching land in no time. They searched tirelessly in every nook and cranny, looking for the few survivors of the shinobi war and those still cowering in their homes, and captured them as well.

The roots spread across the entire world in a matter of moments, locking the planet in a state of seemingly everlasting imprisonment, while the moon observed everything high overhead.

Except Garmadon, who remained hidden behind the clouds as he probed Obito’s thoughts. The ninja had set up formidable mental barriers, but the Megaweapon’s holy energy finally penetrated the blocks, revealing-

Snarling. Howling. Growling. Unearthly, feral roars. 9 furious beasts raged within the Jinchuuriki, threatening to rip Garmadon’s mind to shreds the further he delved. 

He pulled out just in time, his brain about to come undone.

“Is this what he has to control, all the time? What enormous strength of will…perhaps I misjudged him.”

Unfortunately, it was around that time that the God Tree’s roots finally sensed Garmadon in the sky, and bolted upward in a moment to grab his leg. Without even getting to make a smart remark, Garmadon was sent careening into the base of the tree at terminal velocity, his head spinning too fast to react to the tree’s roots encircling him.

Garmadon tried to scream when his head cleared, but his mouth was already gagged. Soon he felt himself nodding off, drifting away into the aether.

“No…no, gotta…stay…awaaah…awaahke……”

…

When he finally awoke, Garmadon found himself staring at a tall building, surrounded by mountains and waterfalls. A gong rang out, echoing far into the distance.

“My old monastery.”

Then he looked down, and saw that his outfit had changed. He was adorned in his old robes as a temple master, and carried a wooden staff along with him, much like his brother.

“Have I…gone back in time?” Garmadon questioned, walking deliberately up to the front gates, which magically swung open.

“Hmph. A good try, Obito, but I won’t be caught off guard so easily.”

Leaning on the staff as to appear weak, Garmadon forged ahead, seeing a girl ahead of him, looking quite familiar. Closing the distance only made the resemblance stronger.

“Harumi?”

Yes, it was her. But not the one who led the Children of Garmadon many years ago, the one full of hatred and bitterness, trying so desperately to resurrect the darkness.

This Harumi’s eyes sparkled with joy and innocence, and her pure beauty shone through in her simple makeup and platinum blonde hair. She wore the traditional robes of ninja.

“Master Garmadon, where have you been? It’s almost time for your lesson!” Harumi giggled, grabbing the lord by the hand and dragging him along.

“Lesson? Ah, yes, of course…to whom?”

Harumi smiled as she opened the door.

“Hey dad!”

Another ninja, this one clad in green, waved hello.

“L-Lloyd?”

Then he turned, and saw an older woman grasping the boy tightly.

“Misako?”

“It’s good to see you again, my love.” Misako crooned, as she stood up and walked over with the green ninja.

“And I am more elated than anyone to have you two with me again.” Garmadon replied, giving his family a tender hug.

“Room for one more?”

An old man with a long white beard and similar master’s gi to Garmadon walked up, wrapping his arms around his brother.

“Wu!”

“I hope you don’t mind, brother. I brought the ninja with me, they were excited for your teachings.”

On cue, the doors burst open, and five more ninja burst in, all of different colors.

“Jump up!”

“Kick back!”

“Whip around!”

“And spin!”

“Do it again!”

The 5 Spinjitzu masters all dogpiled on the Garmadon family, and everyone fell in a heap, laughing to their heart’s content.

Eventually, Garmadon managed to extricate himself and stand up, tapping his staff against the matted floor.

“Alright, alright, settle down. I am still your teacher, and you will learn a lesson before the day is through.”

“Alright, ‘Master’ Garmadon. We’re waiting.” Kai, the ninja of fire, insisted, sitting on his knees in anticipation.

“Mmhmm, alright then. Today’s lesson will be the creation of the Golden Weapons, and how Ninjago was formed.”

Even though half the class had heard the stories beforehand, they all paid extremely close attention as Garmadon weaved a tale about the Oni, the Dragons, the First Spinjitzu Master, his journey to the Golden Peaks, and his creation of a realm from an empty void. He noted the great battle between the Overlord and the Spinjitzu Master, his giving birth to two sons, and finally his passing.

Garmadon was so absorbed in the lecture that he didn’t notice the gong banging to signal the end of the lesson until its fifth ringing, and the students getting up.

“Alright pupils, good lesson! Your assignment is to write a report on how you would utilize the Golden Weapons for a practical function. Two thousand words!”

“Aw, man!” Jay groaned. “But I’ve already used one of them!”

“Then you should have an easy time writing.” Garmadon retorted, chuckling a bit to himself.

“Relax, Jay. I’ll help you out.” the water ninja, Nya, interjected.

“Th-thanks.”

“Goodbye to you all. I will see you tomorrow!” Garmadon called out, as the ninja, Harumi  and Wu waved back before bowing through the door.

“Oof, I’m starved. Let’s eat!” Lloyd pleaded, as his parents laughed.

Night fell as the three Garmadons gathered around the table, dining on a feast of noodles, pork buns, and fried rice, plus some savory sweet and sour soup for good measure. 

They downed four plates full before their stomachs could take no more, and ultimately retired for the night. Garmadon crawled into bed with Misako, the two cuddling together and pecking each other on the cheek with kisses.

“I have missed you every day, Misako. Please, promise me we will stay together.”

“Of course. I don’t care if you didn’t write that letter, you’re still the bravest, most honest man I’ve ever met.”

“Good night.” the two said to each other, turning off the light.

“‘Why bring up the letter?'”

It was peaceful for an hour. 

Then, silently, Garmadon crawled out of the covers, changed into his robes, and tiptoed out of the temple, into the biting night air. There, he took in the serene, masterfully composed view of the landscape, and breathed out.

“Everything is perfect. I have the life I’ve always dreamed of living, my family by my side once more, teaching the youth of Ninjago. So, why do I still feel so empty?”

Thinking back across his long history, Garmadon knew the answer even before the words instinctually burst from his lips.

“Because it’s unearned. This life is for one who has done the ultimate good, for one whose soul is clean. Not me.”

As Garmadon’s vision clouded with tears, he took another long look at the moon. What was once pure and white was now stained red, with the telltale Rinne-Sharingan emblazoned upon it.

“That Obito…he believed a perfect world would rob me of my will to fight. And it almost worked. But now, I swear…”

“I will NEVER bow to the will of a false god!”

With Garmadon’s words, he radiated a powerful energy, cracking the world of glass and paper, before finally shattering it with a decisive blow. Everything collapsed into a black void, as Garmadon fell into infinite darkness.

Back in reality, Garmadon’s eyes snapped open, as he wriggled around to try and escape his root prison. 

At last, his hand got a grip on his Megaweapon, and he began sawing the tendrils in half one by one, until finally…

SNAP!

The bindings broke, and Garmadon rocketed out of the cage and into the island’s skyline, turning to face Obito.

“Garmadon is BACK, baby!”

“You…you actually escaped the Infinite Tsukuyomi?”

“I’m just full of surprises, don’t you know?”

Obito, rather unfazed, took one of his orbs and began reshaping it. Not into a staff, but rather a curved blade, DNA helix strands elongating into a twin-pointed edge, coated in all black.

“So am I.” the ninja countered, brandishing the Sword of Nunoboko with a deadly flourish.

“Well, that’s one way to make a statement.” Garmadon grumbled, paying particular notice to how his Megaweapon was dwarfed by about three feet.

“And this is another!” 

Garmadon had no time to react before he was forced to counter a stab from Obito, the blade mere inches from his throat. Lashing outward, Garmadon swung the weapon at Obito’s head, releasing a satisfying thunk as the weapon made contact.

The ninja’s head reeled for a moment, but he quickly bounced back, using his Rinnegan to pull Garmadon in for a slash with the sword. Undeterred, Garmadon limbo’d under the blade and delivered a brutal strike to Obito’s stomach, one that caused him to hunch over in pain.

The small window allowed Garmadon to slam down hard with the Megaweapon’s head, smashing Obito into the ground and giving him a splitting headache.

Obito barely recovered in time to activate his eye and summon-

“Misako?”

There, with her eyes sparkling, was Garmadon’s lover once again, her arms outstretched to give a hug.

In that moment, the dark lord hesitated, moving his weapon away for just a moment-

KAPOW!

And leaving him open to Obito’s sucker punch!

The powerful blow unbalanced Garmadon, knocking him back and allowing Obito to fly up and meet him, dispelling the illusionary Misako simultaneously.

As Garmadon tumbled head over heels through the clouds, Obito zoomed past and delivered an axe kick right into Garmadon’s spine, then meeting him at the receiving end to perform a downward stab into Garmadon’s heart!

Unexpectedly, Garmadon used his momentum to reshape into a Spinjitzu tornado, traveling at hyper speed to nail Obito with a powerful right hook!

The force caused Obito to drop his sword, and Garmadon seized the chance to grasp it in his palms.

“GYAAH!”

The sword stung with the force of ten thousand deathstalker scorpions, but Garmadon hung on with boundless determination. Even as his hands began to turn to dust, the lord of shadows clung harder to the weapon, his eyes burning with cold fire.

At last, the weapon’s will seemed to cower before Garmadon, and he could hold the blade with gusto.

“Wait, wait, hold on-“

SHING!

The blade pierced Obito’s stomach, annihilating his heart and rupturing the rest of his organs as it burst through his back.

Garmadon leaned close, and whispered in Obito’s ear-

“Sweet dreams.”

-before twisting the blade and slicing Obito cleanly in half.

The ninja’s two pieces fell to the ground below, disintegrating in the air as they plummeted, until the only remains were specks of ash lightly powdering the grass.

Twirling the blade around, Garmadon sheathed both his weapons, and breathed a sigh of relief.

“What…a match. I may never find someone of his level of might, ever again. It makes me almost, depressed, watching his remains scatter across the earth.”

Finally, the war could be put to rest. And Garmadon could continue his journey, and find his true pa-

SCHLICK!

A lime-green hand ripped through Garmadon’s stomach, grabbing hold of his heart and lungs.

“Ngh!”

“Im…possible…”

It was true. There, behind Garmadon’s back, was Obito, looking as healthy as ever, an evil smirk on his face.

“Izanagi. With this, even my death becomes undone, merely a figment of the imagination.”

“So…you kept it hidden…this whole time-“

“I was hoping I could finish you without it, but I realized when you tamed the sword that you are no ordinary warrior. You aren’t even on the same tier as the sannin of Konohagakure. You are something much greater, a master who could rival even the great Hashirama and Madara with his potential.”

“For that, I give my highest esteem, Lord Garmadon. And I will be sure to pay some meager respect at your grave.”

“You can go ahead and shove your respect right up your-“

Obito merely ripped the organs from Garmadon’s chest, leaving naught but a gargantuan, asymmetrical hole behind.

While Garmadon clutched his nonexistent heart, Obito took back the sword, and tried to make a play for the Megaweapon. But as soon as he touched it, he began to feel his existence disrupting.

“HRRAGH!” Garmadon lashed out, using his waning pools of strength to pull back his weapon, and stand against the Jinchuuriki.

“‘This isn’t good. I was hoping to finish him off quick, before the Izanagi takes my eyes. Seems like we’re in the endgame, now.'” Obito thought, matching Garmadon’s stance.

Immediately, Garmadon rushed in, putting all his weight into a strike with the Megaweapon. But his movements were sloppy, uncoordinated, and predictable.

Obito effortlessly sidestepped Garmadon’s blow, kicking him in the back and sending him blasting away, the lord yelling an audible curse. 

“‘He must be struggling more than I am, to make such desperate moves. This’ll be over soon.'”

As Obito rushed in, though, Garmadon unexpectedly took some of the blood welling out of his chest, and hurled it right into the ninja’s eyes, blinding him!

“Gyaah!” 

The ruby-red liquid stung as it permeated Obito’s corneas, allowing Garmadon to try and swing for a powerful hit. Unfortunately, the Izanagi kicked in just in time, wiping away the blood.

“Wha-“

Another hard SMACK with the Nunoboko Blade slammed Garmadon into the God Tree, as it tried to entangle him with its roots again.

“Ngh-not again!” Garmadon grunted, clutching his chest to hold back the pain as he hacked through the roots. He tried flying at Obito, but he moved even slower than before, stopping in midair every five seconds to cough up blood.

Before he could reach Obito, Garmadon was struck by another bout of torturous pain, so horrible that it forced him to land and curl into a fetal position to stave it off.

“Oh, Garmadon. You’re so pitiful, lying on the ground. At least face your demise like a man…demon…creature.” Obito taunted, summoning his blade and holding it up.

Garmadon flipped around, witnessing his final demise right overhead, and acted quickly!…

…he flipped to the left, missing the blade by inches.

Then he flipped to the right, as Obito stabbed up and down once again.

Over and over, the ninja missed with his blade, as Garmadon made pained spasms in all directions, complete agony racking his muscles as he flopped around.

“Stay still!” Obito commanded, performing a jutsu and summoning an open-top wood cage around the Spinjitzu lord.

“Now, prepare to di-“

KER-CRACK!

Garmadon’s foot abnormally shot out like a bullet, nailing Obito right in the jaw  and cracking some of his teeth!

The ninja fell to the ground in a daze, but the stunt had broken Garmadon’s leg outright. It dangled in a sickening limp fashion, swaying in the wind like wet paper, and Garmadon could only barely bring himself to one foot with all his injuries.

However, it seemed like his stalling was paying off, for Garmadon could see one of Obito’s eyes close up, and cease all blinking.

“‘That must be the weakness of his Izanagi technique! Every five minutes, he loses an eye. Ten more minutes, and he’ll be defenseless. I’ll have a chance to win, if I just play defensively. Time to use my secret technique!'”

“Alright, Obito.” Garmadon goaded, curling his fingers in a taunting gesture, “Come and get me, if you’re so superior.”

Furious, the ninja looked at his sword, and ultimately threw it aside before blindly rushing in, his eyes consumed by a pure, unbridled hate.

As he attempted to strike, Garmadon casually returned the favor by sidestepping himself, allowing Obito to slam into a tree full-on.

The blow didn’t stop him long, though, as Obito performed a series of jutsus.

“BLAST WAVE WILD DANCE!”

The hungry spiraling flames licked with their orange tongues at Garmadon, but the master simply used his Megaweapon as a foothold, balancing on its tip and allowing the fire to pass harmlessly underneath.

The weapon was scorched, but intact. 

“Hot Hot HOT!”

The same could not be said for Garmadon’s palms after touching the weapon again, as he flailed his hands around.

Obito took the chance to perform a stab attack with his hands, but Garmadon deftly jumped over, landed on Obito’s head, and kicked off. He slid under Obito’s next backhanded sweep, then performed a handstand to dodge a stomp attack.

The next axe kick was stopped by a high block, unbalancing Obito. The ninja tried a last-ditch spin kick, but Garmadon swiftly spun with the flow of the kick to arrive behind Obito as he fell down, pleased with his progress at slowing the ninja’s recovery.

“Why…can’t I hit you!?”

“I was hailed in my time as ‘Master of the Silent Fist’. To fight, without fighting, and wear the opponent down. And ‘eye’ see that it’s working.” Garmadon joked, as Obito’s second eye began to close.

“You…RRAAGH!” 

Obito screamed, all his pent up rage, frustration, and darkness bursting out after years of suppression, as he let loose blow after blow with his fists, with no target. Just a single-minded goal to cave in Garmadon’s face and rip his head off.

Unfortunately, now that he was blinded in two eyes, half of Obito’s strikes were aimless, thrashing through the air and using up his stamina. But none of that mattered.

He was close.

Garmadon was managing to dodge all of the attacks for now, but he still felt his strength reserves draining, and his movement slowing. Every second, the blows from Obito got closer and closer to hitting their target. And worse still, Garmadon had little charge left in his Megaweapon. A single blast more would likely end him, if not timed correctly.

Needless to say, things looked grim.

“‘I’ve got…one shot, at this. I…pant…need to…remove the beasts from within him, and stop his Truth Seeking Orbs. Then it can be finished!'”

Picking up his Megaweapon, Garmadon used one last surge of energy to perform Spinjitzu, creating a gap between him and Obito in order to enact his plan.

“Say goodnight, Juubi Jinchuuriki!” Garmadon exclaimed, as he shot a powerful beam out of the Megawaepon’s head, blasting Obito directly.

“What are you playing at here, Garmadon!? You cannot hurt me, you’re too weak!”

“Well, it’s a good thing I’m not trying to do that, is it?”

The intent was somewhat unclear, but after a strong tugging feeling in his chest, Obito understood.

“Never! You will NEVER rob the Bijuu from me! Their power, the power of the God Tree, is MINE!” 

With the force of his will, Obito pulled back against the energy of the Megaweapon, entering a pseudo tug-of-war with the Spinjitzu master as the Bijuu lay trapped in the middle. 

The melee continued for a minute, neither side fully giving in. But it was clear from the shifting power dynamic that Garmadon would not last long.

His bleeding chest and missing organs left his vitality close to nothing, and the energy rope rapidly began backpedaling in Obito’s direction. His sheer power and determination was easily trumping Garmadon’s remaining options.

“No No NO! Lord Garmadon never surrenders!”

“Then…power…relinquish…”

“Eh?”

“Then…relinquish…power…”

“Are you…speaking to me?”

“You must relinquish your dark power to the Megaweapon. Only then, can you solve this crisis…” noted the Megaweapon’s spirit. It was as if the First Spinjitzu Master himself had returned, using the golden scepter as a mouthpiece.

“But…but then, I’ll die!”

“That is what must be done…deliver retribution, Garmadon. For the good of all……” the voice whispered, trailing off into silence.

“‘I must be crazy, weapons don’t talk.'”

“Right?” Garmadon asked the Megaweapon, leaning in.

Nothing but dead air.

“Of course I’m right.”

“But…I am going to die anyway. If this is my only chance at victory, I will claim it!”

Garmadon strained against Obito’s power once more, but this time he began feeding his own life force, his own essence, into the weapon. No, more than that. He forced the energy in, pushing it away, allowing the Megaweapon to drink it in, satiating its limitless greed.

As he continued to fuel the Golden Weapons, their power increased exponentially, their beam widening until it was surpassing even the God Tree’s roots in size. Its relentless power battered against Obito’s flesh. So potent was its energy, that the clouds began rotating at tremendous speeds, and large quakes ravaged the island. 

Obito strained against the power of the Megaweapon, even trying to use the Rinnegan’s Preta Path to absorb and redirect the energy. But his constant use of Izanagi had already robbed too much of his sight.

Eventually, he could no longer hold back the blast, and it struck him dead-center before fusing with him.

As the energy wormed its way through Obito’s systems, it encountered each of the Bijuu one by one, and completely overpowered them as they tried to fight back. Garmadon’s dark influence quickly outclassed and intimidated the beasts, refusing to listen to their conversations, and showing complete disinterest in the idea of friendship.

Eventually, the Megaweapon’s essence towed all the Bijuu with it, straight out of Obito’s body. It seemed like a clean exit…or, it would have been, if Obito didn’t still try to put up resistance.

“Nrragh! I…won’t…succumb!” Obito roared in desperation, calling forth all of his remaining power to pull the snarling Bijuu back into his soul.

“Oh, no you don’t.” Garmadon countered, dropping the weapon and running over.

Obito tried one last fireball jutsu, but Garmadon was fast enough to barrel into Obito’s stomach and grab him tight, pushing him to the ground and beginning to choke him.

“Give…in!” Garmadon groaned, his fingers clenching tighter around Obito’s windpipe.

“Ah…gah…nev…e..r…”

Finally, Obito lost consciousness, and the Bijuu were at last free to escape into the night air, loosing themselves from Obito-

KABOOM!

And releasing a massive explosion from behind!

As the shrapnel scattered around in heaps, Garmadon and Obito lay on their backs, completely spent.

Garmadon had lost his dark complexion, his four arms, his exposed skeleton, and his oni facade. All that was left was an old man, tired and broken.

Obito, robbed of the Bijuu, was slowly dying too.

There was nothing left. Nothing, but the great beyond.

“‘Rin…I did everything I could. But, I just wasn’t strong enough.'” Obito confessed, as a small tear was shed.

Meanwhile, Garmadon tried to stand up, and found that his arm was beginning to disintegrate. He had given all he had to the Megaweapon. Now, he had nothing to keep him going.

Nothing, that is, but determination.

“Hah…Obito…are you still able to fight?”

Wiping the grime from his face, Obito stood up, holding his knees.

“Yes…but I don’t have much left in me.”

“Me neither…but I know a solution.”

“You do?”

“We finish this. The winner leaves with the loser’s soul.”

“High stakes, indeed.”

“I can sense you want to accept.”

“Hmph, reading my mind again?”

“Your heart.”

Despite the immense pain, Obito couldn’t help but smile.

“Alright, show me the power of ‘Master’ Garmadon!”

Garmadon too, let loose a toothy grin as he charged forth, Obito following suit.

Well, charging as fast as their damaged legs would allow.

The two met under the shadow of the wilting God Tree, and began throwing punches and kicks back and forth at an agonizingly snails’ pace. Each attack felt like it was traveling through molasses.

Their bones cracked, and their muscles snapped, but the two warriors continued to clash, delivering solid blows into each other’s cheeks, stomachs, chins, and ribs. But soon, the impacts began to have less and less force behind them, and every strike stopped halfway.

With one last round of heavy panting, the two raised their fists up, and began running into each other at full speed.

“RRRRRRAAAAAAAGGGGGHHH!!!” 

As the blows struck their marks, an audible crack reverberated through the air, a sound loud enough to hear around the world.

For a few tense moments, there was silence.

…

At last, Garmadon crumpled over, his fist revealed to have only grazed Obito’s chin, and lay in defeat on his stomach.

Obito, to his credit, managed to slam his fist into the dirt sturdily enough to avoid a similar fate, and stared Garmadon in the face.

“…hhh…hhh…so…you’ve…won.” Garmadon rasped.

Obito opened his mouth, but ultimately did not reply.

“Most…impressive. I see now…why you were such…a formidable ninja.”

“And you…a truly exceptional samurai.”

Garmadon delivered a wide smile, no longer filled with pain. Just quiet acceptance that he had lost.

“Obito…”

“Before I pass along my energy to you…promise me one thing.”

For the first time, Obito was compelled to listen.

“Yes?”

“Promise me, that you will change your course. Abandon this path of shadows you tread upon…before you end up as I have: broken, and alone.”

Obito paused for what seemed like an eternity. Then, he cleared his throat.

“I will try.”

“Good…”

With that, Garmadon began to dissipate, his body transforming into golden flecks.

“Garmadon.”

The former samurai stared back.

“You were never alone. You always had those who cared for you, who would risk everything, and bring the entire world to ruin, for a chance to save you. I…envy you, in that regard.”

“Do…do not give up hope. I can see, beyond the scope of this battle…an old friend, ready to see you again.”

His face initially a mask of confusion, Obito ultimately smiled, and nodded. Garmadon’s head and shoulders at last turned to dust, and the remaining scraps of Garmadon’s warmth and light floated into Obito.

With his condition stabilized, Obito stood up, and walked to the edge of the cliff.  He heard several gulls, likely flying south over the water, and pint-sized trout and mackerel flitting under the water’s surface. The sun had finally come out, too, and its warm rays felt inviting on Obito’s skin.

He didn’t know what was in store for him in the future, or if he even had a future. He didn’t know if his former allies would accept him, or how he could atone for his crimes if he wanted redemption.

But he did know that today was a new day. And he would not waste his chance.

The wind picked up again, and a single cherry blossom petal floated on the breeze to land on Obito’s cheek softly, cool against the rough texture of the artificial Zetsu skin.

“‘Rin…please, guide me.'”

As the petal caught the wind again and floated towards the east, Obito followed. His feet magnetized to the water with chakra, and he began walking.

Toward the rising sun.

---

:Aw, what?! I’m calling bullshit on that.

:The research does not lie. Now, hand over that 20 dollars.

:Alright, alright…was pretty poorly put-together research if you ask me.

:You’ll have plenty of time to debate the logistics after we explain the result, okay?

:Fiiiiiiiine.

:Honestly, this fight was really tricky to analyze, mainly just due to the nature of Garmadon’s Megaweapon, and his statistics without it. Although, we should add a disclaimer that Garmadon realistically should not have his oni powers, his undead status, and his Megaweapon all at the same time, as he acquired them in different bodies. Obito is surprisingly the easier of the two to cover, so let’s get into that.

:Starting with speed, Base Obito should at least be on par with Orochimaru, given his ability to scale to other Akatsuki members and fight Minato, a Hokage on par with Hiruzen, who also fought Orochimaru. Orochimaru was capable of dodging a beam of light, which is pretty impressive. Obito also scales to Itachi, who can perceive events at speeds 300 times lightspeed, or 17 times lightspeed in terms of reactionary capabilities (thanks Phantom).

:However, when Obito ascends into his higher forms, gaining the Rinnegan and his Juubi Jinchuuriki transformation, his speed increases dramatically. Most notably, he was able to keep up with Kyubi Chakra Mode 1 and 2 Naruto, who was able to easily outpace A, the Fourth Raikage, in speed. The Raikage is noted multiple times to be able to fight and move at the speed of light, effectively making Obito at his strongest capable of blitzing lightspeed to some degree.

:In terms of power, again, Base Obito should be comparable to the rest of the Akatsuki, including Kisame, who was noted to possess Jinchuuriki-tier levels of Chakra, and was even noted to have power on the level of the Tailed Beasts themselves at his strongest, being referred to as a “Tail-less Beast”.

:One Bijuu was capable of creating a massive explosion with its Bijuu bomb so potent in scope, it easily dwarfed entire mountain ranges. When noting its destructive power, a single Bijuu bomb can likely generate power up to 60 petatons of TNT! That’s enough to outclass the Tsar Bomba over 250 million times over!

:And that’s just base Obito. Upon ascending into his Juubito form, he got strong enough to contend with Naruto channeling the full power of Kurama’s chakra! This would easily put Obito above base form Naruto (heh), whose chakra tore a hole in the moon, reaching up to 18 zettatons of TNT. That’s almost planet-busting right there, folks. And it probably would have been, if it weren’t for some damn mistranslations.

:Moving on to Garmadon, pinning his power level down is…tricky. At minimum, he should scale to Morro due to overpowering Lloyd upon his rebirth, with Lloyd and the other ninja being able to fight Morro. Morro could make storms, reaching a peak of 732 kilotons of TNT. Seemingly weaker than Obito…until we factor in elements like the Megaweapon.

:The Megaweapon is essentially a fusion of the four Golden Weapons, and is far more powerful than the sum of their parts. The Golden Weapons were used by the First Spinjitzu Master, long ago, to create Ninjago after he left the realm of Oni and Dragons.

:Now, there is some debate on what exactly the Spinjitzu Master created. Some argue the master created the entire realm of Ninjago, but this seems to not be the case. As revealed in the latest season of the series, the realm of Ninjago already contained an ocean long before the First Spinjitzu Master even created the Golden Weapons, so it’s impossible for the First Master to have created everything in the Ninjago realm. Along with that, it’s stated that most of the Spinjitzu master’s actions have occurred on the island of Ninjago, like how he split Ninjago Island into two halves in order to escape the Stone Army.

:Along with that, the Temple of Light and the Golden Peaks used to create the Golden Weapons, which created Ninjago, already existed prior to the arrival of the Spinjitzu Master. Even in the flashback Misako tells of the creation of Ninjago and the Stone Army, we only see things like trees, rocks, and streams being created, rather than anything stellar. A later story told about Ninjago’s creation also leans towards it being island creation, with the portrayal of the new “world” being shown as a combination of light and dark, yin and yang. Exactly like how the island of Ninjago was first created.

:All of this combined together makes it seem fairly likely that the Golden Weapons only created the island of Ninjago, rather than the entire realm.

:On the bright side, while it could be argued that Garmadon only scales to this level of power with the Megaweapon, the fight with the Golden Master may show otherwise. The master possessed all the power of the past Golden Weapons and the Megaweapon, making him equal in potency to the First Spinjitzu Master when he created Ninjago. And Zane was able to destroy the Master’s body by releasing all of his power at once, with Garmadon being on Zane’s level.

:It does seem like an outlier for regular tier ninja to even be in the same league as the Golden Master, but it is backed up by each of the ninja being able to wield the power of a single Golden Weapon, and the fact that the four Ninja with their elemental swords were able to give Lloyd the power he needed to transform into the Ultimate Spinjitzu Master, equal to the Overlord and the First Spinjitzu Master. So, Garmadon downscaling from the four Golden Weapons’ power on his own is feasible.

:Moving onto speed, Garmadon can keep up with ninja on the level of Nya, who could fight Nadakahn the Djinn. Nadakahn was capable of dodging 8 close-range Nindroid lasers, putting him at an impressive pace of reacting within 9.06 nanoseconds (which is quite fast, don’t you know). However, it reaching just under relativistic speeds is no match for Obito being able to casually blitz the speed of light.

:There is something else to note, though. The Golden Weapons and Megaweapon actually have a fairly impressive feat, where they traveled into space extremely quickly after they collided in the past. We know they went to space, because an entire plot point was about retrieving them from a comet to revive the Golden Master.

:Looking at the scene, the weapons seemingly travel so far, they become completely unseen, even when compared to the other stars in the night sky, before exploding and creating a new light source. Originally, it appeared as though the weapons had made a new star, something that was even clarified by the co-creator of Ninjago as late as 2016. However, the episode “The Void”, released in 2014, showed that instead they had landed on the comet Delta V.

:It’s hard to say which version is most accurate, as Andreasen and the writers of the episode have had a number of disagreements on Ninjago lore in the past. But considering that Andreasen’s statement was made after the episode where Delta V first appeared, there is weight to the idea that the Golden Weapons did actually create the star, and then potentially landed on Delta V afterward, since the light they created still exists in the present after the events of “Wrong Place, Wrong Time”. Especially since said writers have never come out and said the Golden Weapons creating a star was untrue. 

:Granted, it could be argued that the star in question was the Delta V comet, but when looking at the portrayal of the light at the end of the episode, it doesn’t match the depiction of a comet that one can see from Earth, lacking the distinctive tail. The light could also just be a planet, but the depiction of the light more closely resembles the stereotypical depiction of a four-pointed star.

:With that in mind, the nearest star from Earth is about 4.2 light years away, meaning that in order for the Golden Weapons to create a new star in as short a time as they did, they likely would have to travel millions of times the speed of light!

:And this actually would make sense if they fell to Delta V afterwards, because the Golden Weapons were fused together when they were found on the comet (likely from intense heat), and the comet would have had a few years after that to travel to Earth and be found by the ninja later.

:So, the Golden Weapons can reach a theoretical maximum of Planet to Star level and MFTL+. But, would this scale to Garmadon himself?

:Well, with the Megaweapon, he could possibly reach those speeds. This was the Golden Weapons and Megaweapon in their death throes, so potentially, a normal Megaweapon should be able to amplify Garmadon’s speed to match that level…but only in theory. In practice, Garmadon still has to make wishes on the Megaweapon in order for its power to activate, so a faster opponent can still likely blitz Garmadon before he used the weapons’ power. However, he should be able to reach the supposed stellar levels of power, due to downscaling from the Golden Master.

:So, Obito generally takes AP and speed, unless you use the higher end scaling of things like the Golden Weapons (and speed is still in Obito’s favor most likely, due to his reactionary feats being superior to Garmadon’s). Which normally would end the debate quickly, but there is another aspect to go over: their abilities.

:Garmadon actually has quite a few abilities of his own, but most of them are seemingly countered or rendered inferior to those of Obito’s. Garmadon can make shadow clones? Obito can make more clones. Garmadon has the element of destruction to erase existence? Obito can do that while also nullifying Spinjitzu itself, due to its similarity to ninjutsu. Garmadon has a colossus? Obito can summon the Juubi. Garmadon can summon the Stone Army and command them with the Helmet of Shadows? Obito can potentially steal the helmet to command that army, while also still having his own army of Zetsu.

:This isn’t to mention that Juubito himself also possesses solid counters to Garmadon’s options, such as being able to resist Garmadon’s power nullification and existence erasure due to having the Juubi chakra within him and scaling to ninja resisting the Truth Seeking Orbs due to said chakra.

:However, Garmadon does actually possess some of his own counters to Obito. Because of his oni heritage, Garmadon does negate the power nullification abilities of the Truth Seeking Orbs to an extent, because he can simply regain his powers through continued battle, or by concentrating. Obito could potentially counter this by not fighting Garmadon, and weakening his powers like Lloyd did, but more than likely Garmadon would catch onto this strategy and resort to sneak attacks to get around the Kamui. Or just avoid having to deal with it altogether when Juubito shows up.

:And because the TSO negate regeneration via nullifying ninjutsu, it’s possible Garmadon could still use his regeneration even after being hit by the orbs. And even if he couldn’t, he can simply use the Megaweapon to create new limbs.

:He also nullifies the abilities of the Sharingan, due to being able to defy the fate and predictions of the Sword of Sanctuary and the Writers of the Cloud Kingdom as an Oni, and the Sharingan hasn’t been shown to have layers of precognition in the same way its mindhax has functioned. Garmadon can even resist the existence erasure properties of the Truth Seeking Orbs, as he is strong enough to hold the Megaweapon and all four Golden Weapons without being wiped from existence, unlike most other characters in the series. It could be argued that Garmadon lost this resistance after being resurrected, since he was no longer in his original body. But since Garmadon was resurrected in his four-armed form, the same form he got in the Realm of Madness to control the four weapons to begin with, it would make sense if he at least kept that power, in spite of being fully revived.

:Speaking of the mindhax, there is an irony in that Garmadon’s strongest form is actually the least able to deal with elements like the Genjutsu, and the Infinite Tsukuyomi. If Garmadon was still in his undead state prior to his return as Master Garmadon, he would actually fully counter the Infinite Tsukuyomi, just as the Edo Hokage did. However, Garmadon did not access his Oni heritage while he was undead, so there is no reason to give Garmadon both sets of abilities from both his bodies. And if Obito did cast the Infinite Tsukuyomi, Garmadon wouldn’t have knowledge of the need to be undead to counter it until it was too late…unless he used the Megaweapon.

:And now, we finally get to that. Garmadon’s without a doubt, ace in the hole. The Megaweapon is a tool that, in the right hands, can theoretically accomplish almost anything. It’s only true limitation is that it can only be used for creation, not destruction, but otherwise we’ve seen it do things like revive the dead, create portals through time, create enormous fissures, and even create entire stars in its destruction (arguably).

:However, it’s main weakness is the biggest nail in the coffin for Garmadon: its need for wishes in order to activate its reality-bending powers. Without that, the weapon is merely just a big beater Garmadon can use to overpower others. So, theoretically, Garmadon could do things like gain the power to read minds to counter Obito’s strategies, or wish Obito into a frog, or anything else. But more than likely, Garmadon would get blitzed before he could do any of those things.

:And all of Obito’s tools just help enhance his survivability even further. Not only can he phase through dimensions with Kamui to make it easier to access his higher forms (something that Garmadon has no way to counter naturally), but Obito has a natural speed advantage, can more easily access his most powerful equipment (as opposed to Garmadon losing much of his arsenal as he progresses through his story), and Obito can summon an army of clones to further disorient Garmadon, along with Izanagi to reverse his death and any misfortune that comes his way for 10-15 minutes, giving him ample time to simply land a Genjutsu or the Infinite Tsukuyomi, and incapacitate Garmadon permanently. Izanagi in particular is a great counter to one of the biggest pieces of Garmadon’s arsenal that Obito doesn’t resist: the ability to de-age others. With his eyes, Obito can simply reverse the age change, and continue the fight as normal.

:Ultimately, what the debate comes down to is who is more likely to get off a solid win condition first: Garmadon being able to theoretically one-shot or use some extremely specific ability with the Megaweapon, or Obito being able to simply use Genjutsu or the Infinite Tsukuyomi to trap Garmadon in a permanent mindhaxxed state. And in all honesty, even with the speed disadvantage, it might have been possible for Garmadon to take it due to his resistances, if it weren’t for the Genjutsu and IT being very in-character options for Obito to use that current Garmadon doesn’t resist, or even Obito being able to fall back on the Human Path’s soul manipulation (another thing Garmadon doesn’t resist). In fact, Garmadon even getting the Megaweapon or the Stone Army should not be allowed, as he lost those elements fairly early on in his story and has no realistic means to re-obtain them. They were mainly used for the purposes of a more interesting fight scene.

:Without them, Garmadon may still be able to one-shot, but the reduction of hax means he has even less opportunities to finish Obito off before the Uchiha lands his mind control abilities. In fact, without the Megaweapon, Garmadon loses his only way to deal with Obito simply leaving Garmadon in the Kamui dimension for eternity, ending the fight right there (although this last point could be discarded if Obito began the fight as a Jinchuuriki). Garmadon’s biggest flaw here was that he technically had most of the resistances he needed, but they were all spread out amongst forms that he couldn’t have all at once, meaning he could only have a select few resistances at any time, while Obito (for the most part) could have all of his abilities available to use at any time, with the exception of Juubito lacking Kamui.

:The fight was truly close, and could have gone either way, but Obito’s speed, survivability, more convenient access to his arsenal, and control over his opponent’s mind and soul gave him just enough to scrape the win, whether Garmadon was star level, universe level, or island level.

:You could say Garmadon was Garma-gone after this fight!

:The winner is Obito Uchiha.

————————————————————–

As Obito continued to cross the expansive ocean, he was suddenly stricken by a horrible pain from his right side.

His lapse in focus caused his chakra control to suffer, weakening the cohesive bond between his feet and the water.

“GAAH! What’s…happening!”

“Why, just what’s supposed to happen…” a nasty voice responded, somewhere within Obito himself.

Half of Obito’s body began morphing, growing eyes, a nose, and a mouth as it unfurled.

“Zetsu!”

“Yes. You didn’t expect everything to be magically fixed, did you? I won’t let you abandon the plan, or escape. Everything must go exactly as envisioned. Fortunately, you’ve already helped speed the plan along by raising the God Tree. Soon, the time will be ripe to summon the godd-“

Zetsu decided to shut up before he said anymore.

“What are you…the goddess? The goddess Kaguya?”

The Zetsu continued to manipulate Obito’s right half, draining the chakra from his foot, and ignored him.

“So…the Infinite Tsukuyomi, the God Tree, that was all just to resurrect Kaguya? You manipulated me, and Madara, just to summon her?”

“Yes, that’s right. I guess you’re not as stupid as other mortals. I am trying to revive Mother Kaguya. In fact, it’s already starting! Can’t you sense it?”

Obito extended his chakra sensing back a few miles, and noted the pulsating Bijuu mass that was growing exponentially more powerful as it absorbed the God Tree’s chakra.

“You were such a good little pawn, Obito, moving around the board in just the right way. But unfortunately, your usefulness has come to an end. So, it’s time for you to be removed from play…permanently.”

With the gauntlet thrown, Zetsu attempted to force Obito down into the water. Desperate, Obito scanned for anything to secure himself on, and ultimately sensed a beach. Quickly, he hopped across the water on one foot, and dug his fingers into the sand.

“Oh, come on. Do you think such a pathetic attempt at survival will help you?” Zetsu jeered, as he pulled harder on Obito’s flesh, the ninja clinging to life.

“You’re so pitiful. Despite all your desperate clamoring for power, you’re still the same sad little waste of skin, crushed under that boulder. You can’t help yourself, and you can’t help anyone else. So just give up, and do the first intelligent act you’ve ever done!”

It was then that Obito snapped.

“Fine, Zetsu, I’ll throw myself into the ocean.”

“Very go-“

“And I’m taking you with me!” 

Obito let go of the beach, and flung himself into the water.

The two floated down to the depths, as Obito took his free hand and clutched the right side of his body. With tremendous force, he began tugging and yanking on it, ripping apart the muscle and skin keeping his two halves together.

“Blub…blub…Obito…think of what you’re doing…I might change my mind, you ARE useful…please…”

“It’s just like you said, Zetsu. I’m making the first intelligent decision of my entire life.”

With one great final tug, Obito wrenched the Zetsu half of his body off!

As he began spilling blood like a firehose from the open gap in his flesh, Obito spun the Zetsu around and threw him even further down. Then, he sensed a giant rock on a ledge.

Using his waning strength, Obito swam over to the stone and began pushing. It was slow going, but eventually he felt the sand underneath shift, as the rock got closer and closer to the edge of the cliff.

Finally, he did one last push, and the boulder fell off the side and crashed into the Zetsu, forcing him down even faster.

“Obito! I’ll destroy youuuuuuuuuu!”

The Zetsu smashed into the ocean floor, trapped by the rock. His fingers twitched, and then moved no more.

Satisfied with his handiwork, Obito began swimming for the surface. But by this time, he was far too weak, and had lost too much stamina. He couldn’t stroke fast enough with just half his body, and was out of breath.

And so, he drifted down to the deepest trench, delivering a half-smile.

“Rin…I’ll…see…you…s.o..ooo…n…”

The last thing Obito heard before he blacked out was the sound of a familiar voice.

————————————————————–

When he came too, Obito found himself in a white void, with nothing around for miles. He could also see again.

“Is this…heaven?”

“Not quite.”

Obito turned to see a young woman, with beautiful raven black hair and kunoichi garb. Although her face was young and pure in appearance, her eyes betrayed millennia of knowledge and wisdom.

“Rin…”

She didn’t respond back, merely standing there.

After a little while, Obito attempted to run up and deliver a passionate embrace, but every step he took pushed him further and further back, widening the gulf between them by several miles.

“Rin, what’s happening?”

“You don’t belong here.”

“What?”

“It’s not your time. You haven’t done enough to earn your place here.”

“I don’t understand. I stopped the Black Zetsu!”

“And you left Kaguya to resurrect, and plunge the world into further destruction. That, and the God Tree’s roots are still active!”

“I’m dead, what do you expect me to do about it?”

“Obito Uchiha, I thought you wanted to be the Hokage. Do you think Hiruzen or Hashirama or Minato would have accepted death like this? They would have made sure the world was safe and that the future generations would be able to keep the peace!”

“Well, I-“

“That’s just like you, crybaby. When things get tough, you just give up. You’ve run away from your past, your friends, and your honor as a shinobi. If you want to become Hokage, you’re doing a poor job at it.” Rin reproached, her gaze steely.

“She’s right, you know.”

Materializing next to Rin was Garmadon, reborn. His hair now took on a pristine chestnut sheen, and his master robes shimmered as if they’d been freshly pressed.

“When I gave you my powers, I expected you would use them to counteract your crimes. Instead, you’re content just dying and not avenging the lives of the shinobi you’ve slaughtered.”

“And you, the lord of darkness who committed countless atrocities against Ninjago and the rest of the world, is going to lecture me about morality and rectification?”

“I never claimed I was innocent. That’s why I’m trying to help you, to atone for my crimes. But I can’t do that without you.”

“Fine. Let’s say I did want to stop Kaguya. My body is resting at the bottom of a trench in the Hagoromo-forsaken ocean.”

“Well…not exactly. Let’s just say, your old friend gets around.” Garmadon replied sheepishly, rubbing his head.

“Now, go back, and make up with everyone as best as you can. And prove yourself fit to be Hokage, Tobi.”

With that, Rin and Garmadon began to disappear. But not before Rin floated over to Obito, and planted a passionate kiss on his lips.

It only lasted a few seconds, but the moment lived for eons in Obito’s mind.

“‘Is…is this what true love feels like? I need to experience it again, someday.'”

Finally, Rin’s lips parted from Obito, and she smiled.

“Save the world, and I might give you another one.”

With that, she disappeared, and Obito’s world whited out.

…

(stop music)

When he came to, Obito noted how he was blind again. 

“‘Maybe using Izanagi wasn’t worth it.'”

From what his chakra sensing could tell him, Obito was in an encampment filled with ninja. In his immediate vicinity, he detected four of them: One with the Rinnegan, one with a Kamui Sharingan, and two with the Byakugo.

“‘Kakashi…and three others.'”

“I still don’t understand why we have to keep him alive. He’s blind, and no use in combat.”

“Sasuke, I know that you hate him. I do too. But, at least try to show some compassion.”

“You’re annoying.”

“WHAAA!”

“Sakura! Behave yourself!” said an older voice, slightly disoriented in tone.

“‘Tsunade…just as commanding as ever.'”

Racked with agony, Obito tried to sit up, only for a Kunai to be jammed into his throat, just a few millimeters from the jugular.

“Don’t even try it.” Tsunade ordered.

Obito lay back down.

“Looks like our ‘honored guest’ is awake.” she muttered, sheathing her weapon. “I don’t have time to deal with him right now, the Kage are holding an emergency meeting and I have to be there.”

Obito listened to her footsteps as she walked, lifted the tent flaps, and left.

“Why don’t you two go with her? You could use the experience.” noted the third voice, much smoother in tone.

Obito could sense a fair amount of unease and hostility, but finally the two teens withdrew, leaving Obito and Kakashi alone.

Once the others were out of earshot, Kakashi leaned in close, his breath warm on Obito’s face.

“Alright, start talking. What do you know about what’s happening with the God Tree?”

“More importantly, how did you escape its roots? They’re supposed to home in on anything with chakra.”

“Sasuke’s Susano’o, it protected us.”

“That’s impossible, unless…six-paths chakra, that must be it.”

“You knew this would happen?”

“I always sensed that Sasuke would grow into a powerful fighter. He is Uchiha in blood and spirit.”

“He had a good rival as well.”

Now the conversation had shifted into more awkward territory.

“Kakashi, I-“

“Don’t. I haven’t forgiven you for murdering my student, my friend. I don’t take loss easily.”

“I know. I saw you every year by my gravestone, delivering touching eulogies. Sometimes, I almost wanted to come out of the shadows, and meet you face-to-face. Then I turned back.”

“Obito, I did everything I could for Rin-“

“I know, you did what you had to do.”

“Then why go through all this?”

“Because, you had to do it.”

Silence, as Kakashi looked on in sorrow.

“Imagine what would have happened if the Hidden Mist, or Madara, or anyone, didn’t have the motivation to commit these heinous acts. If they could be forever satisfied with their lives, and never feel greed, sorrow, hate, or pain. If they never needed to change their position through illicit means. This is what the Infinite Tsukuyomi would have provided. An eternal safe haven for all.”

“Until Kaguya destroyed it.”

“Yes, I’m aware of that now. But, you understand, Kakashi. The need to give up so much, and throw away promises to one person, in order to save many other lives. That’s why you pierced Rin’s heart, isn’t it? And you hated that you had to put duty above your friendships.”

As much as Kakashi didn’t want to admit it, there was truth to the statement.

“I know that what I have done cannot be undone. And I know that it can’t be made up for with simple apologies. This is a long-term atonement I’m willing to undergo. The past is the past, and Kaguya is about to be reborn. So I will find a way to stop her. You cannot deter me. You need my help.”

Kakashi gave off waves of anxiety and distrust, but remained silent. His Sharingan seemed to bore a hole right into Obito’s mind.

“Need I remind you that you owe your status of copy ninja to me first giving you that Sharingan.”

Another long pause, uncomfortably so. But at last, Kakashi sighed.

“Fine. You can help.”

Obito smirked, before attempting to get up. But he was stopped by Kakashi’s hand on his shoulder.

“Only on a trial basis. And you need to swear on your life that you won’t betray us if we restore your sight.”

If Obito still had his eyes, they would be rolling. But, he sensed there was no other way to move on.

“I swear on my life.”

“Good. Because if I ever believe your allegiances will shift for even a moment, I will be personally responsible for gutting and eviscerating you.”

Obito nodded, before putting his foot-er, feet, on the ground.

“We restored your body already. We’re not that heartless.”

Somewhere behind that mask of his, Obito could tell Kakashi was grinning.

Obito attempted to stand up, only for his legs to falter, causing him to stumble. Desperate, he grabbed Kakashi’s shoulder to right himself.

“You must be overjoyed to see me like this, Kakashi. Weak, helpless, so dependent on others. Just like back when you first became a jonin.”

“If you really want to relive old times, there’s a rock on a hill nearby.”

“Haha, let’s just get to the Kage meeting.”

Obito leaned on Kakashi as the two ninja limped out of the tent, before Obito let Kakashi fully take over as they headed to the Kage tent.

Along the way, Obito felt ripples of hostility, fear, and undisguised hatred in the muttering directed at him.

“‘Let them jeer.'”

At last, the two made it to the tent, and lifted the flaps to walk inside.

“…need to strike back now!” the Raikage roared, his booming voice dominating the conversation as always.

“Now, now, hold on.” another voice, much more mischievous and wise in delivery, retorted. “If this Kaguya is as dangerous and powerful as you say, then we need a plan. Only fools would rush into a battle with nothing but weapons.”

“Why should we listen to an outsider like YOU?!”

“And what’s HE doing here?” the Raikage demanded, making sure to put every ounce of venom he could into the words he spat at Obito.

The other ninja finally noticed his presence, and let out a collective array of hisses, boos, and jeers.

“Kakashi, I hope you have a good explanation for storming into this meeting with that traitor.” Gaara ordered.

“Great Kage, Obito Uchiha is here under my protection.” Kakashi insisted. “But that’s not important right now. I see we have guests?”

“Yes.” Onoki replied. “They came from the far east, farther than any country we have known about. They say they can help us with this crisis.”

Then, one of the guests stood up, and began walking slowly towards Obito, his staff clattering on the floor with every move, until he stood level. He began a thorough examination all over, before gasping-

“Garmadon!?”

The other ninja stared with looks of abject shock.

“What have you done to my brother!?” the old man threatened, his staff aimed right at Obito’s heart.

“Sensei Wu, please stop this!” the white-clad ninja insisted.

“You should listen to your protege, Sensei. Your brother just graciously donated his essence to me for a more important cause.”

“And why should I believe yo-“

To assuage his fears, an imprint of Garmadon appeared next to Obito, placed his ghostly hand over Wu’s head, and rubbed his hat.

As the silhouette vanished, Wu’s mask of shock faded, once more replaced by his typical cool head.

“Very well. We will work with you.” 

Immediately, the Raikage bolted upward and stared with a look of defiance.

“Since when did YOU start making the decisions!?”

Slowly, Wu turned and fixed the Raikage with the coldest, most master-ly look he could muster.

“I have lost a brother today. I am not in a good mood. Do not push me over the edge, or you WILL regret it…A.”

The mighty willpower of the Spinjitzu master was potent enough that even the mighty Raikage bowed his head and sat back down.

“Now…” Wu continued, turning back to Obito. “Can you lead us to where this Kaguya was forming?”

“It was an island, with a giant mountain…and some kind of temple at the peak.”

“The Dark Island.” muttered Cole, the ninja of earth.

“Well, that’s great! You four can go back to the island and give Lloyd his golden power back, and win!” noted Nya, the water-elemental ninja.

“Not that simple. When the Golden Master took Lloyd’s golden power, it left us with just a fraction of it. Our strength isn’t enough to restore his energy.” Kai explained.

Everyone hung their heads upon hearing the depressing news, but Obito stepped forward.

“I have another alternative. Your friend Garmadon possessed a golden weapon of his own, able to change reality with seemingly no limit.”

“The Megaweapon? It’s back?” Jay exclaimed.

“Shh!”

“With his spirit, I should be able to possess the weapon to fight back against Kaguya…provided you restore my sight.” Obito offered, throwing down his last ultimatum.

“Absolutely not. You cannot be trusted.” Tsunade retorted.

“Maybe not. In that case, feel free to charge in and exact justice on Kaguya. I’m sure it will work out.”

“You insolent-“

“Whelp? Snake? Stop me if I’m getting warmer. The fact is, you can either trust me, or be destroyed. Your choice.”

“We wouldn’t have to trust you if you hadn’t murdered Naruto.” Gaara cut in, his fingers crushing the sides of his chair.

“I know, everyone keeps coming back to that. I never claimed to be innocent. But the past is gone. Only the future matters, and how I can help you.”

Everyone in the tent was silent, pondering the best course of action.

“We will adjourn to discuss this in private.” Onoki concluded, as the five Kage retreated to the back room.

The other ninja began conversing amongst themselves, some still shooting angry looks at Obito. But others nodded in approval.

“You spoke well.” Kakashi said.

“I learned from some excellent teachers.”

“Such as?”

“Humility, life, Madara, Minato…you.”

If Kakashi was surprised, he did a good job hiding it.

After a little while, the Kage returned.

“We have reached a decision!” the Raikage barked.

“We will help you reclaim this…Megaweapon, and destroy Kaguya.” the Mizukage concluded.

“And we’ll help too!” Sakura exclaimed, dragging a clearly uncomfortable Sasuke in for a hug.

“About time you all saw it my way.” Obito muttered.

“Tsunade, fix his eyes.” Kakashi insisted. “A deal’s a deal.”

The busty kunoichi still seemed rather uneasy with the agreement, but she ultimately conceded, using her healing prowess to reopen all of Obito’s eyes.

“Ah, to see once more. No feeling quite like it.” 

“Now, we must make haste. Time is not on our side.” Sensei Wu insisted, as he, a select few ninja, the Kage, and Obito left the tent.

Once they were safely out of range of the camp, Obito used his Kamui to teleport everyone to the Dark Island.

There was no need to look for Kaguya. Her form blotted out the moon, as her dress flapped in the wind.

Glancing around, Obito spotted the Megaweapon lying in the dirt, still shining as bright as ever. Tentatively, the ninja picked up the weapon, and felt a comforting warmth from the shaft. He had been accepted.

Using the weapon as a crutch, Obito walked forward, standing side-by-side with Kakashi.

“Are you sure you’re ready, old friend?” the masked ninja questioned.

“You’re looking at the future Hokage. Just try to keep up.”

“That’s my line!” 

The two exchanged a small grin, before Kakashi stepped back, leaving Obito as the sole fighter heading the force.

“Lead us, then, Hokage.”

Obito turned, and saw that everyone else, albeit begrudgingly, was nodding their heads in respect to his power, and his authority.

“Then…”

“CHARGE!”

The ninja alliance leapt into battle, Obito aiming the Megaweapon at Kaguya with the spirit of Garmadon by his side.

…

…

It had been a few years since that final battle with Kaguya. The world was at peace, and the God Tree was no more.

Oh, sure, a lot had happened since then. Obito was incarcerated, obviously. Life in prison for mass genocide against the Hidden Villages and starting a war.

But slowly, Obito began to earn back the favor of Konoha. He helped in fending off raids against the Hidden Leaf, assisted with jobs whenever he could, and saved the lives of many ninja with the powers he’d gained from Garmadon.

He proved himself a popular figure among the ninja, telling stories of his time in the Akatsuki and in ninja skirmishes. Everyone began to look up to him.

And all too soon after, Tsunade announced that she was retiring as Hokage. She said it was to get back into her life of gambling and booze.

When the voting process for the next Hokage came around, the votes were surprisingly mostly in favor of Obito. There were a couple votes for Sasuke and Kakashi, but the public definitely had a favorite.

There was some outcry from a vocal minority about a wanted criminal becoming Hokage, but Obito worked tirelessly in the coming years to relieve their doubts. He organized several village improvement campaigns, coordinated successful territory gains, and created a new memorial shrine to honor all those who had died in the Fourth Shinobi World War. He even established trade routes and communications with the ninja of the far east.

And now, he stood at the head of a particular gravestone. One for the Nine and Eight-Tails Jinchuuriki, 25 years after that final battle.

He placed several flowers next to the stone, before standing up and paying respects.

“Obito.”

The ninja turned to see Kakashi, striding over to him.

“I knew I would find you here.”

“I figured I’d take a page out of your book, and honor a comrade.”

The two men stood silent, watching over the grave. Then-

“Thank you, Obito. For…for taking good care of this village.”

“It’s still not enough to erase my crimes.”

“Maybe not. But your determination to right your wrongs is reassuring.”

“I know I can stay on the correct path, as long as I have you, and the others, to keep myself there.”

Kakashi simply patted Obito’s back, as the two stared into the endless blue sky. His friend couldn’t see it, but Obito noted three silhouettes in the sky, all smiling down at him.

“‘Thank you…my friends.'”

---

Obito Uchiha vs Lord Garmadon: Smackdown Warm-Up!

:Morality is a fickle concept. One that can’t so easily be split into good, and evil, and can’t be predetermined for the entirety of a lifespan.

:Despite the earnest attempts of many to do good, excel, and protect those they care about, some men are twisted, reshaped, and corrupted, turning into dark inversions of who they once aspired to be, serving under malicious influences and discarded when necessary.

:But ultimately, they break free from the malevolent hold on their psyche, and embrace the light before passing on.

:Such as Lord Garmadon, the dark overlord and son of Ninjago’s greatest warrior.

:And Obito Uchiha, the masked ninja and devout follower of the Moon’s Eye Plan.

:Both of these fighters are incredibly powerful in their own right, but today they will meet on the field of war, and decide who among them is truly worthy of the title of “Lord”.

:I am Clank.

:I’m Junior!

:And I’m JJ. And it’s time…for a smackdown!

---

:Long ago, before the land of Ninjago was even conceived, there existed two races: the Oni, and the Dragons. They constantly fought each other, as the yin and the yang, with seemingly no way to ever come to peace.

:That is, until a child was sired of both bloodlines. Initially, it seemed like this would be the perfect way to come to a resolution, but eventually both sects began fighting over the boy. Annoyed, he left the realm of Oni and Dragons, and journeyed to a new realm.

:There, he forged four mystical weapons in the Golden Peaks and Temple of Light, and used them to create a new world to call home: Ninjago.

:However, his creation of a light world also brought forth the dark, in the form of the Overlord and his army of stone. Unable to beat them after a long seige, the great master split his island in two, trapping the Stone Army and Overlord on the other half.

:Eventually, he grew old, and realized he needed to train successors. So, as in accordance with the balance, he gave birth to two sons, each with one quarter of oni DNA. One was a boy named Wu, and the other…was Garmadon.

:Aw, that kid? He looks so cute! No way he’s the bad guy.

:Well, he wouldn’t have been…if he hadn’t been bitten by an immortal venomous reptile that turned every cell in Garmadon’s body to evil.

:Oh.

:As the years passed, Garmadon met a beautiful woman named Misako, and sought to make her his. So, in what would be one of the greatest mistakes he ever made, Garmadon stole Wu’s letter to Misako and presented it to her as his own, ultimately winning her favor and marrying her. They even gave birth to a boy, Lloyd Garmadon.

:Garmadon had many more adventures with Wu and without, either training as a disciple of the heartless Master Chen to destroy the Anacondrai Serpentine, or fighting the ruthless time twins Acronix and Krux to save the timestream, or trying to be a good father to his child.

:Eventually, however, Garmadon’s heart became too far gone, and he attempted to steal the Golden Weapons from the wall, putting him in conflict with his brother. Light and dark met in battle, and in the end the dark Garmadon was sent plummeting into the depths of the Underworld.

:Undeterred, he defeated the Skulkin general Samukai in one-on-one combat, and took control of the entire Skeleton army, seeking to gain the power of the Golden Weapons for himself.

:Wait, was that his entire arc?

:Nooope. Just everything prior to the formation of the four Ninja.

:What the hell is Ninjago lore, I’m so used to NINJAGO, NINJAGO COME ON COME ON, COME ON AND DO THE WEEKEND WHIP!

:Yes, well, it’s not all about jumping up, kicking back, whipping around or spinning. Garmadon was a true menace, a powerhouse fighter unlike any other. He was already potent enough in the Underworld, but upon traveling to the Realm of Madness, he gained an extra set of arms, allowing him to control all four Golden Weapons! An impressive feat, considering that Samukai, another four-armed fighter, was erased from existence completely.

:And Garmadon quickly put his newfound power to work, using the four weapons to kill the Great Devourer, a snake the size of several city blocks, and create a brand new Megaweapon by fusing the Golden Weapons together. This “Megaweapon” was incredibly potent, being able to warp reality and create almost anything Garmadon could think of, with the only caveat being its inability to destroy anything directly.

:Just like a genie!

:No, that’s later. Anyway, the big cheese somehow found a way to screw that up, and his Megaweapon crashed into a far-off comet. Luckily, he found a nice substitute in the form of the Stone Army, a massive fighting force to take over Ninjago, alongside a special tank known as Garmatron. This mech allowed the lord to shoot concentrated evil bullets all over, shifting the balance in Ninjago to the side of darkness…and allowing the Overlord to possess his body.

:Whoops.

:Well, after a good old final battle, Garmadon was restored to his human self, and became a sensei again. His favorite art form was the Silent Fist, allowing him to fight without fighting. This technique was so potent, it even allowed Garmadon to defeat Ultimate Spinjitzu Master Lloyd! You know, the guy who beat the Overlord, a rival of the First Spinjitzu Master? Yeah, pretty impressive.

:And it seemed like everything was gonna be hunky-dory…until Garmadon was revealed as a pupil of Chen, turned into an Anacondrai, and sealed himself in the Cursed Realm to set the Anacondrai Generals free to stop Chen. And then he died when the Preeminent was drowned in Ninjago’s ocean. Shame.

:So, after all that heartache, you’d think they’d just let Garmadon rest peacefully and have a nice legacy, but NO. He gets revived AGAIN by the Children of Garmadon, except now he’s evil again, takes out Lloyd in a 1 on 1, and becomes the Emperor of Ninjago. Until he’s defeated by Lloyd again, using the Silent Fist technique. Nice wraparound, admittedly.

:But even after he’s sent to jail, Garmadon’s STILL not done, because he gets brought back in order to stop the Oni from conquering and destroying all of Ninjago’s realms. And after awakening his oni powers and heritage, Garmadon teams up with his son one last time, using the reforged Golden Weapons to make a Tornado of Creation, destroy the Oni, and then just…left. Off to parts unknown, in self-imposed exile. A sort of tragic end, to a character with such a storied history.

:Speaking of that oni form…

:Eeurgh! It’s hideous! It’s lovecraftian, it’s…the Nega Chin!

:Garmadon himself is no slouch. Due to controlling the Element of Destruction, he can erase people from existence. Due to his time in the Underworld, he can manipulate darkness and shadows to aid him in battle. He can spin like a Beyblade with Spinjitzu to increase his power, he can drain the powers and life force out of his opponents, he can defy the will of fate itself written by the Sword of Sanctuary as an Oni, and (when push comes to shove) he can summon a building-sized Colossus!

:And finally, there’s his ultimate Megaweapon. Although he hasn’t shown its full capabilities before its destruction, he could use it to erase those who touched it from existence, revive the dead, make giant chasms, travel through time, and de-age anything. Pretty impressive, especially since he can swing it pretty fast, being able to keep up with characters on the level of laser dodgers like Nadakhan the Djinn!

:Ah, see, there’s the genie.

:However, in spite of Garmadon’s power, he isn’t perfect. His Megaweapon drains him of stamina quite severely, and although he has reduced its cooldown from a full day to just a few seconds, it is still notable. He’s also fairly arrogant, feeling the need to taunt his opponents when he has the upper hand, and it often costs him, such as when he lost his Megaweapon because he failed to move it out of the way of the Ninja’s Golden Weapon attacks in time.

:Arguably his biggest shortcoming, however, is that as an Oni, his power can be drained by an opponent refusing to fight him, as shown in his final battle with Lloyd atop the Colossus. And while his powers can return after some time if he battles with other opponents, that scenario is less likely to occur in one-on-one skirmishes.

:Still, Lord Garmadon is a force to be reckoned with. Oni, Dragon, Spinjitzu Master, Brother…many roles, all taken up by one called Destroyer.

“Garmadon is BACK, baby!”

---

:Many years prior to the birth of the Nine-Tails Jinchuuriki, there was a four-man team in the village of Konoha. The Yellow Flash Minato, the white-haired jonin Kakashi, the beautiful kunoichi Rin, and a goggled crybaby with the moniker of Obito Uchiha.

:The Uchiha clan was one of the most powerful ninja sects in the world, for only they were gifted with the power of the Sharingan, an ocular enhancement that let them predict the movements of any foe, and allowed them to use the Genjutsu to top opponents in an illusory world. A power that Obito had…failed, to obtain at this point.

:No matter how much the young ninja struggled, he could never keep up with his contemporaries, Kakashi and Minato, the latter being next in line to take the role of Hokage, leader of the entire village. A role that Obito sought after himself, to prove his bravery, and to win the heart of Rin.

:On his last mission as a Konoha ninja, he tried to reach a raid rendezvous near a bridge, but ended up getting Rin captured by the enemy. Desperate to go after her, he disregarded the orders of his superior, Kakashi, and attempted a rescue. During the journey, his bravery finally earned him Kakashi’s respect, and the Sharingan…but at a heavy price.

:To save his friends from a rockfall, Obito pushed himself into danger, and ended up crushed. His wounds seemingly fatal, Obito ultimately passed on a gift to Kakashi: his left eye, bequeathing Kakashi with his own Sharingan, and a request to keep Rin safe.

:But, as fate would have it, he ended up surviving due to the timely care of an old man in a cave, and a set of cells from the great ninja founder of Konoha, Hashirama Senju, attached to a curious creature known as a Zetsu. As it turned out, the man was actually (get this) Hashirama’s old rival from decades ago, Madara Uchiha! Who was supposed to die, but didn’t because of time reversal bullshit.

:OK so try to follow here. Madara wanted to do a plan called Eye of the Moon to summon an Infinite Tsukuyomi and create eternal paradise on Earth. But he knew he was about to die, so he gave up his Rinnegan eye to a boy named Nagato, planning for that eye to eventually be stolen by another boy, being Obito. Then, he allowed Obito to heal up, then created a faked scenario where ninja from a rival village kidnapped Rin to turn her into a Jinchuuriki, forcing Kakashi to kill her, and having that happen right in front of Obito in order to drive him over the edge and make him more willing to follow Madara’s instructions.

:Then, when Madara died, Obito grew up and took on the name Tobi, where he took control of a giant Tailed Beast named Kurama to attack the Hidden Leaf, forcing his former mentor Minato to seal the Kyuubi into himself and his newborn son. But, no worried, Obito helped found a gang known as the Akatsuki in order to collect all the Tailed Beasts in order to eventually put them inside a statue known as the Gedo Mazo, all while allowing Nagato from earlier to act as a puppet leader of the group with full intention to rip out his Rinnegan later and plant it into himself, giving him both an upgraded Sharingan and a Rinnegan. Then, he started a shinobi world war to draw the last two Jinchuuriki out of hiding, steal their Tailed Beast chakra, put it in his statue, and absorb the Juubi within to become the Juubi’s Jinchuuriki, allowing him to activate the Moon’s Eye Plan himself!

Heh…heh…wow…

:But what Obito didn’t plan on was the power of friendship coming together to literally rip the Bijuu chakra out of him, leaving a broken husk behind. A husk that was confronted by his inner demons, and an optimistic Hokage-to-be. And with a new resolve, he attempted to resurrect those unfairly slain by his han-

:Uh oh!

:The Zetsu attached to Obito revealed it was just using him the whole time, and redirected Obito’s resurrection spell to revive Madara instead.

:The Zetsu kept Obito alive long enough for Obito to be able to witness the rebirth of Kaguya, and allowed Obito to assist his friend one last time, granting him the gift of two temporary Mangekyo Sharingans before passing on to Rin in the afterlife. A heartwarming end, really.

:That being said, don’t take Obito’s nature as a stepping stone to Madara to mean he’s weak. Far from it. In fact, Obito possesses some of the most potent abilities of any ninja.

:Starting with his most famous ability, the Kamui. This handy jutsu allows Obito to warp parts of his body between different dimensions when they come under attack, effectively turning him into an untouchable foe…mostly. He can even use this ability to transport himself and others fully into the Kamui Dimension, potentially leaving them there for eternity.

:As an Uchiha, he possesses the powerful fire-style jutsus, extremely potent in the field of offense. Such techniques like Great Fireball are nothing to scoff at, as long as he performs the appropriate hand signals.

:But with some of Hashirama’s cells within him, Obito also knows some basic wood jutsus, allowing him to create wood constructs to disorient targets. However, he is by no means as potent with the art as Madara, or Hashirama.

:His eyes are also extremely notable, with his Genjutsu being able to cast the aforementioned illusions by tapping into a target’s chakra receptors and manipulating them. Chakra is essentially a target’s spiritual energy, so most foes Obito comes across will have some variation of this. The eye also allows Obito a sort of pseudo-precognition, letting him know when and where an opponent will strike next. The Sharingan can even be upgraded to the Mangekyo Sharingan if the user kills someone they once loved (which Obito has done).

:Then, after the incident with Pain destroying Konoha village and the death of Nagato, Obito revealed the final tool he had access to with the eye: Izanagi. Named after the Japanese god, this technique is something of a gamble, where Obito must sacrifice one of his eyes after five minutes of continuous use, but can undo any event he pleases by making it no longer real. Death, illness, injury, all fades away under the scope of Izanagi. Unfortunately, Obito never quite demonstrated the ability of Amaterasu’s fire control, or the enhanced mental powers of the regular Tsukuyomi, but he’s not exactly starving for options.

:Upon killing Konan, another Akatsuki member, Obito yanked the Rinnegan from Nagato’s eye, giving himself a Rinnegan. With it, he gains access to all the abilities of the Paths of Pain, ranging from relatively simple abilities like the Asura Path’s mechanical augmentations or the Preta Path’s ability to absorb energy, to more destructive elements like the Animal Path’s summoning or the Deva Path’s gravity control and ability to create giant meteors in the form of the Chibaku Tensei, to more otherworldly and terrifying powers in the form of resurrection with the Outer Path, and knowledge of the opponent’s mind and control of their soul with the Human Path. It’s quite a versatile ability, no wonder Pain was so hard to stop.

:And we’re not quite done yet, either. For Obito still had one more trick up his sleeve: by absorbing the Gedo Mazo’s Juubi, Obito became a Jinchuuriki himself, and gained access to one of the most terrifying abilities in the entire ninja world: the Truth-Seeking Orbs.

:These Orbs are no mere balls. They can be reshaped into staves, chakra control receivers, and blades (most notably Obito’s powerful blade of Nunoboko), and have the uncanny ability to erase any ninjutsu they come across, and even erase parts of space-time entirely! Yes, space and time itself cower before ninja magic and a 70 meter radius. But there’s more. These orbs are even potent enough to stop the regenerative capabilities of entities who can regenerate from complete body destruction. If you get erased by these orbs, chances are you’re not coming back, and all they have to do is touch you. That’s quite a scary proposition.

:With all these abilities combined, Obito has some truly impressive feats. He’s gone toe to toe with the legendary Fourth Hokage Minato, and he can compare to Akatsuki like Kisame, who was powerful enough to be considered in the same league as Bijuu who can carve away mountains. He’s stronger than Pain, who killed Jiraiya, who can do the same. He’s faster than Itachi, a ninja who can perceive time in nanoseconds. He summoned a giant tree from the ground without breaking a sweat, and he even lived through the Rinnegan’s resurrection ritual (which is supposed to kill you). Needless to say, Obito Uchiha is one of the shining stars of his clan.

:But sometimes, he goes dim a little bit. While his Kamui is very impressive, opponents who can attack in other dimensions, or who can take advantage of Obito’s brief window of vulnerability after his attacks, can hit the ninja just fine.

:The Izanagi, as previously stated, closes Obito’s eyes after five minutes of use, preventing him from using any abilities of that eye afterward. His Juubi form gets rid of his Kamui ability altogether, the Human Path’s soul manipulation doesn’t work on opponents who are already living souls, the Naraka Path only works if the remains of someone else are around, and Obito can potentially leave himself open to attack while summoning the God Tree and activating the Infinite Tsukuyomi (although this can be mitigated with the use of Izanagi).

:Finally, Obito’s Jinchuuriki form is vulnerable to being taken away if the Bijuu chakra within him is removed, something very easily done by opponents who can absorb Obito’s energy. Thankfully, the Preta Path does help with this by absorbing and redirecting energy attacks to keep Obito safe, but much like the most of his other abilities, it does need to be manually activated, something that might not happen if he gets outsped.

:With all these factors in mind, Obito Uchiha is still one of the most potent members of the almost-extinct Uchiha clan, and someone who works tirelessly to meet his goals and save people in his own fashion. His ninjutsu is truly unparalleled.

“I’m no one… I don’t want to be anyone. All I care about is completing the Eye of the Moon Plan. This world is completely worthless… there is nothing left in it but misery.”

Alternate Altercations #1

So yeah I’m stealing this from AdamSandlerTheFifth, but I changed the name so it’s different. Plus he stole it too, so blame him.

Death Battle is a show that I’ve watched for, oh, many years. I’ve been a fan of it for awhile, but…I don’t think it’s much of a secret to say some of the ideas DB has done, and some of the ideas people request them to do, don’t really tickle my fancy. So, that’s what this list is gonna be about, me counting down 6 Death Battles that feature an opponent with another request that’s popular. Why 6?

I couldn’t think of any more than that.

Now, I just wanna say that I don’t really think these ideas by default are better, or worse, than the popular ones. Just ones I would be more interested in personally. I wanted to say that all of them featured at least one new character, but I got one that features two and was just too good to pass up. Sorry.

Oh, and for the part where I say who wins, I’ll be looking at both characters at their peak in stats. DB does that, so I’ll do it as well here.

With all that said…let’s begin.

1. Master Yoda vs Master Oogway (Star Wars vs Kung Fu Panda)

Yes, I know that Yoda’s opponent was already revealed as King Mickey. I still like this idea better.

OST Title: Masters of Masters

Connections:

-Both are old, green, wise martial arts masters, who were among the first and best practitioners of their craft.

-Both took in an apprentice who later turned on them (Taotie and Count Dooku)

-Both trained a new generation warrior to defeat a great evil, before passing on to the afterlife

-Both maintained such a great spiritual connection to the universe, that they were able to continue offering advice after their death.

-Both have a habit of speaking in abstract metaphors and philosophies, and are generally rather mischievous.

Why I like this match:

-They’re basically the same character.

-There’s a lot of potential for fun banter.

-Their abilities can clash really well with each other.

-It gets an unorthodox new character onto the show in Oogway, one I really like.

Why it probably won’t happen:

-Yoda already got his match lol.

Who I think wins:

On paper this seems like a massive stomp for Yoda, but depending on how you scale Prime Oogway it could be really close. Oogway has the same Hero’s Chi that Po does, possibly allowing him to scale to the universal Kung Fu Panda feats from Paws of Destiny due to Po using Hero’s chi to accomplish said feats. With that said, he would AP-stomp and stonewall Yoda with chi augmentation, but get speedblitzed. So Oogway could end the fight in one hit, but Yoda has mindhax to act as a wincon, and can also resurrect like Oogway can with his chi. But since Oogway can hurt ghosts, and his wincons are overall simpler, I lean towards him.

2. Darth Vader vs Lord Garmadon (Star Wars vs LEGO Ninjago)

Yeah, you’re gonna notice with this list that there isn’t a lot of variety in the franchises. I didn’t have a ton of matchups I really wanted.

OST Title: The Darker Lords…yeah I got nothing.

Connections:

-Both were once kind-hearted martial arts masters who trained alongside a “brother” (biological or otherwise), until they were corrupted by dark power (The Great Devourer’s Venom and Sidious’s influence)

-Both served under a greater evil to rule the world (The Overlord and Sidious)

-Both threw themselves into the depths of dark power to grow stronger.

-Both sired children that ultimately defeated them (Lloyd and Luke)

-Both sacrificed themselves to stop a great evil, redeeming themselves in the process.

-Both later had their legacy carried on by the Children of Garmadon and the First Order

Why I like this match:

-Star Wars vs Ninjago is just really funny and cursed to me in spite of how thematic it is.

-Garmadon’s hammy dialogue clashes really well with Vader’s no-nonsense attitude to make for some possible really fun exchanges.

-They could incorporate Stormtroopers and the Stone Army, along with the Death Star and the Megaweapon, to raise the stakes even higher.

-Potential for really cool sword combat.

-Introduces Ninjago to DB with arguably the best match for the series.

Why it probably won’t happen:

-Matches like Vader vs Miraak and Vader vs Obito are just as thematic, and get more people interested.

Who wins:

Probably Vader. He blitzes and one-shots since the Megaweapon doesn’t increase Garmadon’s physicality. You can also argue Vader’s exposure to dark power would allow him to control the Megaweapon without disintegrating, but I’m not sure about that.

3. Po vs Goku (Kung Fu Panda vs Dragon Ball)

God this was a bad idea

OST Title: The Dragon’s Wrath

Connections:

-Both were abandoned by their parents as a baby after their home was attacked by someone who wanted to destroy their entire race after fear of a prophecy.

-Both were found by old men in humble settings and raised without any knowledge of where they came from

-Both quickly mastered martial arts under the guidance of an old master.

-Both rely on chi techniques to engage in combat.

-Both have a dragon motif.

-Both have an ample stomach and a love of food.

-Both eventually took on a mentorship role of their own to the next generation of their species (Saiyans and pandas).

Why I like this match:

-Kung Fu Panda is really cool.

-It’s a Goku match that isn’t boring or shit or Superman 3.

-The animation potential and setpieces are endless, with stuff like Po’s dragon form, the Saiyan transformations, Po’s mind and soul hax, Goku’s hakai countering Po’s resurrection, etc.

Why it probably won’t happen:

-Po vs Iron Fist exists and is more popular.

-Goku has already appeared twice.

Who wins:

Genuinely not sure, this is the closest fight on this list I think. Depending on how you argue scaling it could go either way, and their abilities and hax act as great counters to each other. Have to think about it.

4. Goku Black vs Black Shadow (Dragon Ball vs F-Zero)

We’re not done with DB yet lol

OST Title: God in the Machine

Connections:

-Both want to rid the universe of anything imperfect and create a new universe from scratch.

-Both are evil characters who mirror the main protagonist and match them in strength

And that’s all I could think of.

Why I like this match:

-It’s arguably one of the closest Goku Black fights.

-The potential for dialogue and interactions is massive with the great ego these two have and the general malicious personalities they sport.

-Seeing Black fighting a car is absolutely hilarious to me.

-Their powers could interact in fun ways, like Black cutting his way out of the Dark Zone after Black Shadow BFRs him there.

Why this probably won’t happen:

-It’s not very thematic.

-Black vs hsalF is practically guaranteed at this point.

-It’s a bad match, I just like it.

Who I think wins:

I said this was one of Black’s closest matches, and I stand by that. Both get to Universal and MFTL, and Black Shadow has some decent hax with the Reactor Mights that could help him win. That said, Goku Black generally outstats the Black Bull fairly hard regardless.

5. Ryuga vs Frieza (Beyblade Metal Saga vs Dragon Ball)

I swear this is the last Dragon Ball match

OST Title: Emperors of Destruction

Connections:

-Both are the first of three major antagonists in their respective series (Beyblade Metal Saga and DBZ).

-Both are frequently referred to as Emperors.

-Both have a purple color scheme.

-Both were considered the strongest in their series at the time they were introduced.

-Both had a hand in the disappearance of the protagonist’s father.

-Both never trained until their first encounter with the protagonist, and after being beaten by the protagonist both trained for real for the first time to grow stronger.

-Both helped the main character defeat a larger threat later on.

Why I like this match:

-This is literally my most wanted fight.

-Beyblade is a cool franchise I desperately wanna see get on DB.

-Beyblade Metal Saga and Dragon Ball are just too thematically connected not to consider at least one matchup between them.

-Probably the most fair opponent for Frieza.

-Ryuga is memed a lot.

-Seeing Frieza fight a literal flaming dragon with his fists is such a cool fucking visual image.

Why this probably won’t happen:

-Frieza vs Megatron

Who I think wins:

Not sure. Both shitstomp all over universal characters and have massive scaling chains, but I think Frieza’s might be higher with volume scaling, and he has way better speed. That said, Ryuga haxstomps and L-Drago’s regen might be enough to help Ryuga win. I’m 50/50 on it.

6. Sol Badguy vs Shadow the Hedgehog (Guilty Gear vs Sonic the Hedgehog)

Yeah, this was that match with two returning characters I was talking about. Credit to Agent on Discord for the idea and I’m a Bizarre One/Mythra for the TN

OST Title: Big Bang Chaos Dragon Force

Connections:

-They’re cocky, and angry anti heroes who went under science experimentation to be an ultimate life form.

-Lost a loved one of theirs to an organization.

-Both have magical powers they use in combat, and are associated with the color red.

-Both have blue or blue-themed rivals with electric motifs who fight for freedom and justice (Sonic and Ky Kiske). The rivalry started off much more negative, but has evolved into a much more balanced and respectful one.

-Both have DNA of another monstrous race (Black Arms and Gears), and hold back their power through limiters that are a type of clothing (wrist rings and headbands).

-Both also initially started as world threatening monsters, but got changed for the better by the many friends they made along their ways. There’s a lot more for Shadow vs Sol I can say too

-Avenging loved ones with their power.

-Have mighty Super forms (Super Shadow and Dragon Install).

-Started off rebelling against the government, before eventually working alongside them.

Why I like this fight:

-I saw it on Discord and it sounded so dope.

-Prolly’s Shadow’s coolest matchup (Vs Ryuko is pretty mid ngl)

-The track could be an absolute BANGER.

-Seeing Dragon Install Sol and Super Shadow fight in a clash that could potentially reach crazy levels of destruction would be so hype.

-Dialogue could be a dumb edge-fest and I would adore that.

Why it probably won’t happen:

-Ryuko vs Shadow exists.

-Don’t think they’ll bring Sol back.

Who I think wins:

Probably Sol. Depending on how you scale them both could theoretically reach the same level (Low Multiversal and Immeasurable), but Sol haxxes Shadow to death. And if you buy Multi+ GG that’s just salt in the wound.

Bubsy vs Jake Conway: Smackdown!

JJ: Hmm…are we really going through with this? Are we REALLY?

Bowser: It was your shitheaded idea, so you’re gonna finish it.

Shadow: And if you don’t…

Bubsy: Eh, what could possibly go-

JJ, Bowser, Shadow: Shut up, Bubsy!

Bubsy: Oh sure, let’s all torch the Bubster!

Jake: I’d rather be polishing boots than sit through-

JJ: And don’t think you’re any better, asshole. Fuck you too. Hmph. Anyway, combatants are set, yadda yadda, time to see who would win maybe possibly not really. It’s time…for a SMACKDOWN!

In the Green Plains…

Play Music

It was a day much like any other. The sun was shining, the grass was glistening with dew after a grueling rain storm the night before, and the wildlife were busy roaming from left to right in a ceaseless cycle. And in the midst of all this, in the midst of this pleasantry and happiness and genuine peace, was a house, and a bobcat within. His fur was orange, with a more yellowed muzzle, and he was clad in an ! mark T-Shirt. This freak of nature was known as Bubsy the Bobcat, and he was, put simply, bored out of his mind.

“Arnie, I’m bored out of my mind! It’s been so long since our last adventure, and I’m still TINGLING with excitement!” Bubsy said in an annoyingly shrill voice.

“B-Bubsy, its only been about 1 day since you last beat the Woolies. Can’t you just relax and stop putting me in danger, hmmmmmmm?” pleaded Bubsy’s sidekick, Arnold the Armadillo.

“Hey, snap to it, Mr. Basket Case. It’s me, the Prince of Purrsonality, BUBSY! And we are going on an adventure for the ages. Come on Arnie!” Bubsy said, excitement in his tone

Arnold was about to make a hopeful yet ultimately pointless plea towards Bubsy to leave him in safety, when they heard a knock on the front door. Bubsy went to answer it…only to be smacked in the face and tossed into a wall by the impact. 

In stepped the source of the knock-knock-knocking, that being Bubsy’s nephew Terrence and niece Teresa. They rode in on their skateboards and said, in annoyingly shrill voices, “HEY THERE UNCLE BUBSY!”

“Oh, hey kids. How’s it going? I thought you were with your mom?” Bubsy inquired.

“Well, uh, she said we should come here! She said it would be a…a…what was it again?” Terrence asked, turning his head to his sister.

“An ed-u-ca-tion-al expe-rience?” Teresa answered.

“Didn’t you know we were coming, Uncle Bubsy?” The twins asked.

Bubsy put his finger to his long, bushy chin and thought about it. Suddenly, he flash backed to a couple hours ago, when he received a strange phone call…

“Bubsy? BUBSY ARE YOU THERE!?” The twin’s mother screeched over the phone.

“Yeah, yeah, hold your litterbox, woman. I’m coming.” Bubsy said, rubbing his ears to try and clear out the ringing as he jumped off his couch and walked over to his phone. “Hello…?”

“Oh, thank god. Bubsy, listen, these twins are goddamn insufferable. They’re destroying everything and making the rudest insults and flipping animals off left and right! I think their last visit with you caused this! I’m bringing them over to you, and you better goddamn fix them, or I swear I will claw out your fur and make a catskin rug! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!”

“Don’t worry…The Bubster is on the case. After all, I’m brave!”

“I’m TOUGH!”

 

“I’M A HERO, FOR CRYIN’ OUT LOUD!”

 

“So yeah, I can watch your kids.”

“Oh thank you Bubsy! You don’t know how much this means to me!”

“No problem. Those little tykes will love it here! Okay, buh-bye” Bubsy said, hanging up and jumping back on the couch to read more magazines

Bubsy then flashed back to the present, turned to the kids, and said, “Yeah, I have no idea what you’re talking about. But hey, as long as you’re here, go nuts with Arnie, he loves it!”

“Oh god, please no…” Arnold pleaded, but the twins heard him and turned over the couch, revealing the poor armadillo underneath. They snatched him up and began tossing him around like a beach ball, laughing all the way.

“Wow, this is great! THANK YOU UNCLE BUBSY!” The twins shrieked.

“Bubsy, I swear, when I get out of this I will kill y-” Arnold tried to say, before he was tossed into a pile of bowling pins.

“Play nice with them, Arnold, or I’m getting the truck!”

“Ooh, ooh, the truck! Hide me, hide me!” Arnold yelped, panicking as he retracted into his shell.

“Oh come on, Arnie! Do we have to go through this every single morning!?”

“D’woah!”

“Look, we got a pattern here. I’m the hero, and you’re my sidekick.” Bubsy said, attempting to reassure the frightened armadillo.

“B-but I don’t wanna be your sidekick. I just wanna live!” Arnold retorted.

“Eh, get over it. Maybe you’ll feel better if we go on an…adventure!”

“N-no, please…”

But it was too late, for Bubsy had already grabbed Arnold by the tail and was dragging him outside to a nearby rocket ship. The twins, in the meantime, had noticed and went outside as well.

“Can we come Uncle Bubsy?” The twins pleaded, their eyes going as large as dinner plates.

“First of all, that’s really creepy. Maybe go ask your mom we’re not gonna give a name to to drive you to the doctor. And second…I don’t know, I don’t think your nameless mom would like me dragging you into danger.” Bubsy answered.

“We’ll be good! We promise! We promise!” Bubsy’s kin responded, tears forming in their eyes.

“Ahh…what the hell. Come in!” 

And with that, Bubsy and his entourage stepped inside the rocket ship and shut the door.

“So, Bubsy, do you even know how to start this thing?” Arnold snidely commented.

“Of course I do Arnie, remember that time I went to Rayon?”

“Of course I do, Bubsy!” Arnold replied. “‘It was the happiest time of my life. 3 straight weeks of peace and quiet. If only he’d never have come back…'”

Bubsy began flipping numerous switches and hitting every button he could get his paws on, causing the rocket to flip and twist and contort into all sorts of shapes and orientations, giving everyone inside a major upset stomach.

“U-uncle Bubsy, we’re ready to get off the ride now!” The twins protested.

Then Bubsy noticed a big red button on the center of the console, conveniently marked LAUNCH. So Bubsy slammed down on the button, causing a rumbling to start underneath their feet. Black clouds of smoke and fire billowed out from under the rocket, and in a few seconds it blasted off, headed for parts unknown.

“U-UNCLE BUBSY, WHAT’S HAPPENING!?” The twins screamed, barely able to hear themselves.

“We’re headed out into space, kids! So hold on tight!” Bubsy replied.

“DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHERE YOU’RE GOING!?” Arnold chimed in.

“NOPE!”

Meanwhile, in a place far, far away…

Play Music

Dead End was a relatively quiet town. It had its quirks, like a drug shop, a weapons truck, and so on, but otherwise it was relatively normal for a desert outpost.

That is, except for its star attraction, that being the man who single handedly took down the most feared biker gang around, the Devil’s Hand. Despite his legendary status, he still lived a relatively modest life with his girlfriend in the house where he used to live with his uncle and brother before their untimely deaths. He was a tall man, with a brown mustache and beard combo, along with a biker’s jacket with his gang’s crest. This…was Jake Conway.

He was lounging on his couch, enjoying a nice bottle of beer, and reminiscing about all his past experiences. He thought back to when he had returned from the Vietnam War, how his brother had been shot before his very eyes, how he had pinned Colt to the ground before ending his life, how he had seen his uncle hanging on a hook with an empty gaze in his eyes, and how he had finally ended Caesar, the cause of all his troubles. And now here he was, finally able to live in peace with his wife.

All his reminiscing suddenly filled Jake with a desire to visit the site where his family was left to rest. So he got up, and made his way to the door. Just as he was turning the handle, making a creaking noise, Ellie stepped into the room.

“Jake? Where you going, sugah?” Ellie asked.

“Just…gotta make a pit stop. You understand, right?” Jake responded.

“Goin’ to see the family again, huh?” Ellie pieced together.

“Hmmhmm…never could get anything past you, huh Ellie? Alright, you caught me. I’ll be back soon to help with dinner, I love-“

“I wanna go with you.” 

Jake stared at Ellie. “Huh?”

“I mean…now that we’re together…your feelings are mine, right? I wanna see. You know, so we can be closer.” Ellie revealed.

Jake stared for a long time, before finally clearing his throat and nodding his head. “Alright. But be careful. If you fall off the bike, well…it’s not gonna be fun.” 

“Hmph, don’t worry about me, I can hold my own, mrrow.” Ellie retorted sarcastically.

Jake just kinda rolled his eyes and hopped on to his motorcycle, Ellie settling in right behind him and hugging his chest tightly to avoid falling off. Jake shifted into gear and started the engines, merging onto the open lanes and heading for the old graveyard. It was a long two hour drive, and the majority of it was spent in silence. Neither of them dared to open their mouths for fear of disturbing the calming tranquility of the open road. It gave them time to ponder about their future life and what they would do if they ever had children.

JJ: Uuuurgh…

Shadow: I know man, I’m disgusted by the thought too. But…just try to block it out.

But at last, they had arrived at the graveyard. A haunting ambience filled the air, as the wind sent leaves skittering across the ground and piled them neatly around the weathered tombstones. The trees arced and twisted like gnarled fingers, and there weren’t any signs of life around except for them. The two lovers stepped off the bike and slowly ambled into the yard, their feet making a squelching sound as they traipsed through the nearby mud to get to the cobblestone. It took a bit of time, but at last they made their way to the twin stones marking Jake’s brother Mikey and Uncle Mack. They kneeled down in reverence and began making a prayer to the gods above, they heard a whining sound in the distance.

The two scratched their heads in confusion, wondering where the intrusion originated from. Unfortunately, they didn’t have to wait long, as they looked up to see a twinkling in the sky, gradually getting bigger, and bigger, until it was finally revealed to be…a rocket ship.

“Oh my god, what the FUCK is that?!” Jack yelled, turning around to run back to his bike. Ellie tried to follow him, but she barely took 2 steps before the rocket crashed into her body and caused the poor woman to erupt in a shower of blood. The rocket skidded a few miles, crushing all the tombstones in its path, before finally coming to a rest.

When the dust settled, Jake took his hands off of his eyes and looked at the path of destruction left behind. “E…Ellie? Are you there?” Jake called out, before he noticed the pool of crimson liquid lying a few feet in front of him. It didn’t take long for Jake to put two and two together.

“N-NO! ELLIE! ELLIE! You…you can’t leave me!” Jake screamed, both to his dead wife and the heavens themselves. “I…I love you.”

Jake pounded his fists on the ground, filled with despair beyond measure. Then, he slowly transition from mourning to burning hatred. His eyes betrayed a look that would absolutely kill if it had the power to do so.

“When I find the fuckin’ bastard that did this, I’m gonna-“

Jake didn’t get to finish his sentence though, as the rocket opened up and Bubsy staggered outward, a confused expression on his hairy mug. After him came the twins and Arnold, all equally as stunned as Bubsy.

Play Music

JJ: Waait…that doesn’t seem right.

Bowser: Of course it is.

JJ: …Yeah, I’ll roll with it

With the murderous gaze never leaving Jake’s face for a second, he stood up and stared Bubsy down. He opened his mouth and hollered, “Hey, fucker! Fuckin’ look at me when I’m goddamn talkin’ to ya!”

Bubsy was still somewhat dazed, but he managed to shake his head and intercept Jake’s glare. “I knew I should have taken that left turn at Uranus! Eh, sorry, man. Looks like my rocket crashed into your place. Hehe, my bad.”

“My bad? Is that all you can say, after you fucking MURDERED my WIFE AND desecrated the graves of my family!!!??” Jake countered, a crazed look in his eyes.

“Eh, what’s the big deal? All heroes have a few casualties every now and then. I mean, what could possibly go wrong. Besides, if my rocket specifically crashed into this dump, it must mean it was destined to kill them. They must have been evil people. And evil people deserve to be wiped out by Bubsy, hero of the people!”

Jake was about to open his mouth, but then he smiled. “You know what, you’re absolutely right. They were awful people, and I never liked them. I’m glad they’re gone. I’m gonna go home and think about all my terrible life choices now. Good-bye.”

“Yes…and maybe someday, you can be my sidekick!” Bubsy called after Jake as the human made an about face.

“I thought I was your sidekick?” Arnold inquired.

“Well then, you gotta use it or lose it, Arnie, I can’t have a wishy-washy for a sidekick!” 

Arnold was about to open his mouth and respond, when all of a sudden Jake turned around and began running full speed at Bubsy and company, ready to strangle them to death.

“Uh-oh, time to go.”

“Uncle Bubsy, shouldn’t we stay to try and help him?”

“Nah, heroes got a busy schedule. Besides, what could PAWSSIBLY go wrong?”

Unfortunately, Bubsy wasn’t able to get inside the rocket and close the doors before Jake squeezed his way through and began wrapping his meaty fingers around Bubsy’s neck.

“A-Arnie…start the rocket…please…” Bubsy choked out. Arnie, however, just stood there. “‘You’ve had this coming for a long time, Bubsy. Time to say goodb-‘”

A loud rumbling started once again, for the twins had pushed the launch button. “‘DAMMIT!'” Arnold angrily thought to himself, before he was suddenly sent tumbling around the rocket’s cargo bay along with the others. Unfortunately, the ship’s guidance system hadn’t been properly set with coordinates, so the rocket simply flew higher, and higher into the sky, until it finally breached the exosphere and made it into space.

“This is the end for you, you fuckin’ piece of shit!” Jake roared, ready to end Bubsy’s life once and for all, but before he could he suddenly found himself clasping his neck and gasping for air, due to the lack of oxygen. Bubsy, however, was perfectly fine, and he stood up so he was face to face with Jake.

“Ah-ha, not so tough now, are ya? Time to finish you like a true hero!” Bubsy boasted, rearing back his fist, but he wasn’t able to let it fly loose before a beeping sound erupted from the cockpit.

“Uncle Bubsy?”

“Yeeees?”

“What happens if this gauge shows the needle is on E?”

“Oh, well that means the rocket is out of fuel and is about to crash into the planet and maybe kill us all.”

Everyone looked content at that for a few seconds…until they realized what that meant.

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDGE!!!!!” Bubsy swore as the rocket began falling back down to Earth. Soon, flaming trails began to leak off of the burning metallic exterior of the rocket as it engaged in reentry. It was a bit hard to see out the window at first, but eventually Bubsy looked out the window and saw what looked to be…the Pyramids of Egypt?

“Everyone brace yourselves…!” Bubsy yelled to the others, as the rocket finally reached ground and smashed into the sand, erupting into a gaseous fireball that could be seen for miles in every direction.

When the smoke vanished from their eyes, the group arose from the ashes of the crash site and staggered forward. Bubsy’s T-Shirt was in tatters and his fur was stained with ash, Jake had lost his jacket, Arnold had chips in his shell, and the twins were covered in dust.

“Guys…are you okay?” Bubsy asked.

“We’re fine, Uncle Bubsy!” The twins answered.

“Peachy.” Arnold said.

“Good, cuz if you guys died there would be no one to be my entourage. And every hero needs an entourage.”

Jake, meanwhile, had noticed that the jacket containing the last memento of his father, the memory of the gang Retribution, was gone, and never coming back.

Bowser: Wait, couldn’t he just make a new jack-

Shadow: Yeah, but it’s part of the story. Call it PiS I suppose.

Jake turned towards Bubsy. “Now, where were we?”

“Look, I know you wanna do the whole hero-villain fight, but I’m not in the mood to play games right now. I have to be a hero and get these kids home.”

Jake pulled out a gun.

“Like I said, I’m not in the-“

A shotgun blast sounded at that moment, and a small indent appeared right next to Bubsy’s feet.

“Takin’ me seriously now?”

“…If that’s how you want it…”

Bubsy’s niece and nephew, and Arnold(albeit reluctuantly) stepped up next to the annoying cat, their fists raised in the air.

“…then this will be the last time you ever see the sun.”

Jake lowered his gun and stared at Bubsy. “What?”

Bubsy stared, confused. “Whattya mean, what?”

“You’re siccing your kids and pet on me in a fight?”

“Technically they’re my niece and nephew, but yeah. Got a problem with that?”

“You…you are without a doubt the most heartless bastard I’ve ever seen. Devil’s Hand ain’t got shit on you.”

“So what, you’re not gonna fight me? ‘Cuz if you do, you’ll have to kill these kids. And I’m willing(albeit with a heavy heart) to make that sacrifice if it means stopping you from spreading evil.”

“Stupid hypocrite. But as far as I’m concerned, you’re all guilty of murder. So I’m more than happy to kill all of you if it means vengeance will be served. BRING IT ON!”

Jake started things off by rushing towards Bubsy and delivering a devestating 3 hit combo to the cat’s midsection. The ferocity of the attack made Bubsy recoil, doubling over and clutching his stomach. Unfortunately, this gave Jake the perfect opportunity to deliver a powerful roundhouse kick to Bubsy’s head. A satisfying crunch could be heard as Jake’s foot made contact with Bubsy’s skull, sending the cat sprawling onto the sand. 

Jake then leapt into the air, raising his foot and preparing to thrust downward with a powerful axe kick. “THIS IS FOR MY FAMILY, YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!”

Bubsy managed to open his eyes just in time to see Jake falling down at an incredibly fast speed. Using his, ahem, catlike reflexes, Bubsy managed to swiftly dodge the attack just in the nick of time, as Jake’s foot crashed into nothing, the soft sand cushioning the fall. 

Now it was Bubsy’s turn, as he rushed up to Jake’s backside and delivered a quick series of slashes with his long, tapering claws, leaving crisscrossed scratches on Jake’s biker threads. Backflipping to avoid Jake’s hook punch, Bubsy landed on his hands and then thrust forward upon hitting the ground, slamming into Jake’s midsection with his oversized feet and sending the savior of Dead End flying several feet away, crashing into a nearby cactus.

Jake sat up, rubbing his head, and started to rise to his feet, until he felt a stinging pain in his rear. He looked behind him to see that his butt was covered in about 50 cactus needles, and it was only then that the full pain set in.

“YEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!!!” Jake yelled, jumping up and down, rubbing his butt on the ground, scratching it with his hands, and doing everything he could to remove the stabbing pain from his behind.

“And the Bubster…escapes unharmed. Maybe next time you’ll think twice before messing with the Cat o’ 9 Tails, The Prince of Purr-sonality, BUBSY!” Bubsy taunted, laughing as he watched Jake make a fool out of himself.

Unfortunately for Bubsy, his grandstanding had left himself completely wide open. He was so busy rolling on the floor and laughing hysterically, he failed to notice Jake standing up and pulling out his carbine.

“Duck Season? Rabbit Season? I’m partial to Bobcat Season, myself.”

Jake fired, his shot coming out so fast that Bubsy didn’t even have time to react before a hole was shot in his ear, causing a spring of blood to erupt from the hole and stain Bubsy’s face in crimson liquid. Bubsy rubbed the blood from his eyes, only to see Jake make another shot right as he opened them. Bubsy ducked just in time, but the shot still grazed his T-Shirt, ripping it and revealing his orange fur.

Not playing any more games, Bubsy stood up and slowly took the T-Shirt off of his body, revealing his naked self to all of the world. Fortunately for Bubsy, he and Jake were completely alone.

“Man…If you think that getting naked will distract me from killing you, you must be even more stupid than you lo-Hey, what are you doing?”

For as he spoke, Bubsy started getting closer and closer, a malicious smirk forming on his face, his claws extending to their full length.

“There’s no one here, buddy. It’s just us, alone in the wild. And in the wild, do as the wild ones do. There are no rules out here but the one. And that one…” Bubsy spoke menacingly, slashing at Jake, with Jake barely able to dodge in time.

“Is the law of the jungle!”

Bubsy tackled Jake and wrestled him to the ground, where they began tossing and turning like animals in a cage, each fighting for dominance over the other. Neither would back down, as Bubsy scratched at Jake’s face in an attempt to gouge out his eyes and Jake constantly kneed Bubsy in the groin. But as Bubsy was finally about to hit Jake’s eye, Jake kicked upwards and flung the cat several miles into the air, Bubsy getting smaller and smaller until he finally was little more than a speck in the sky. Then the cat began falling back down.

Bubsy turned to the fourth wall and said “You’re probably thinking I’m screwed here right? Not the case. Dos reasons for this, you wanna hear ’em? Really? Really Really? Really Really Really? Really Really Really-“

Shadow: Mother of Chaos, just fucking say it already!

“Jeez. Now where was I…” Bubsy said, producing a set of notecards out of hammerspace. “Lessee, talk about me being a hero, kill some guy’s girlfriend and desecrate his family, have a badass shirtless moment, ah! Here we go! Okay, so, I’ll be fine because 1. Cats always land on their feet.
And 2. I got Wall level durability.”

So Bubsy got on all fours, prepared to hit the ground. Jake, meanwhile, had taken out his Albatross A-40 Rifle and aimed it upwards towards the free-falling feline, prepared to fire.

Bubsy noticed this, so he reached back into his hammerspace pocket and pulled out an opaque black hole, his teleportation hole, and held it in front of him. Jake, cocking the rifle, licked his lips and placed his finger on the trigger, ready to fire at any time.

Bubsy came closer…closer…closer…

“You’re MINE!” Jake triumphantly yelled, pressing the trigger and shooting a lightning fast metallic bullet right at Bubsy. It seemed like the end…

until the bullet was simply absorbed by the hole!

“What the hell?” Jake questioned, wondering why his bullet didn’t hit its intended target and win the day. Unfortunately for him, he got his answer in a way he didn’t exactly intend, as Bubsy threw the hole so that it was right over Jake’s head, and the bullet came out at blazing speeds, aimed right at Jake’s head.

“Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck FUUUCK!!” Jake swore as he dove out of the way just in time, preventing him from dying to his own weapon, but at the cost of getting a very useless foot, and a mouthful of sand.

“As I said before, you simple minded fool, this is the law of the jungle…

…And my rule is law.” 

“But we’re in a desert!”

(It’s desert themed and I wanted to make a reference so nyeh)

Jake tried to stand up, but found he couldn’t move very far due to his busted foot. So he simply attempted to inch his way towards his fallen weapon. Slowly but surely, he made his way across the desert wastes, passing a cow skull-

(stop music)

Doofenshmirtz: Seriously, I never got an answer to this in the episode, but why are there always cow skulls in the desert? What logic does that make? At least stick the whole body there to be more realistic.

JJ: Doof? What are you doing here? I mean, not that I’m complaining, but…

Doof: Well…I was talking with Perry the Platypus, and he was just kinda bored waiting for you to make that fight you promised with him, so he asked me to come here and ask you when it would happen.

JJ: If the crossover would just come out faster, then it would have happened faster.

Doof: Oh right, the crossover! I got my newest -inator all ready for it. I’m gonna call it the…uh, let’s see…okay, okay, I got it, I’ll call it the Boom-Boom-inator!

JJ: Didn’t you already make that?

Doof: No, that was the Bum-Bum-inator. This is different. It will TURN EVERYTHING IN THE TRI-STATE AREA INTO POOP!

JJ: Okay, but who’d want to rule a nation of poop? 

Doof: Well, duh, I’d just make a reverse switch.

JJ: I’m surprised you’re actually forward thinking for once. But I thought you were supposed to be a good guy now?

Doof: I guess the crossover is gonna be before the timeskip.

JJ: Ah…well, since you’re here, you wanna stick around? Might be fun seeing someone die. 

Doof: Eh, I got a couple hours.

-past a cow skull, a cactus, and some other various desert items, and was about to grab his trusty weapon, when all of a sudden Bubsy hopped on his head, giving him a major headache, before swooping in to snatch the gun.

“Hehe…now it looks like the gun is on the other anthropomorphic foot, my angry little nihilist! Any last words before I shoot you and restore justice to the galaxy?” Bubsy taunted

“Yeah…you got it pointed backwards.” Jake responded.

“Hmph…the Bubster is not so easily fooled, villain.”

“No, no, I’m serious. I’ve seen the error of my ways. I know that I am truly an evil person, and that I need to be slain in order to bring peace to myself. My family is gone now. The love of my life is gone. I have no further reason to live. So…just finish me off.” Jake calmly spoke, seemingly defeated.

“So, you’re trying the exact same thing you did earlier, where you tricked me, expecting it to work this time?”

“Well, you are kind of an idiot, so I was hoping that would be the case, yeah.”

Bubsy stood there for a good long time, completely motionless, pondering what Jake had said. Then he swallowed, and complied. Pointing the gun in the opposite direction, he prepared to fire.

“Goodbye, Jake. I hope your next dream, is a more pleasant one.”

Bubsy fired, the shot ringing in the air.

…

…

And staggered to his knees, a gaping hole now in his chest, blood spewing forth in a ceaseless tide. “B…Bakana? N-NANI?”

“Hmph. I can’t believe you fell for that. But then again…as the old saying goes, there’s more than one way to skin a cat. Or in this case, kill it in cold blood. Enjoy the last 5 seconds of your life, you bastard.” Jake said with a nasty grin.

Bubsy, seemingly about to keel over in pain, suddenly smirked, and stood up, seemingly completely unharmed.

“What the fu-“

“Allow me to explain. You see, I knew you were trying to trick me. I will always be three steps ahead of you, Jerk Cumway. So I decided to use my Invincibility Shirt to shield myself from the attack so you would let your guard down. Then I used ketchup to fake the appearance of blood. Pride comes before the fall, after all. And in this case, I mean that quite literally.” Bubsy explained, looking very smug all the while

Confused, Jake looked around, and then at his feet to see that Bubsy had tossed the black hole portal underneath while they were talking.

“I’ve decided to take this bout to someplace more…familiar. What could possibly go wrong?”

“SON OF A BIIIIIIIIIIII-” Jake screamed as he fell through the hole.

“And now…as for you three…get here THIS INSTANT!!” Bubsy yelled, and his companions rushed to his side.

“Why didn’t you help me against that guy!? Sidekicks are supposed to act as meat shields when the time comes so the hero can save the day unscathed! I am very disappointed in all of you!”

“Uncle Bubsy, we’re just kids…” whined the Teri twins.

“Wimps! When I was your age, I was FEARLESS!”

“I faced every challenge head-on!”

 

“I-“

“Hey, wait a minute! You’re just using the same clips from earlier to disguise your lack of creativity!” Arnold butted in.

“What, no…The Bubster is 100% original, no stealing to be found here. Sure, I run, and jump, and collect things to get extra lives, and have power-ups, and move really fast, and I’m a walking, talking animal, and…huh, I forgot where I was going with this. Uh…let’s just get to the rocket.” Bubsy muttered sheepishly, as he and the others raced to the rocket, punching in a set of coordinates.

“Bubsy, do you even know where we’re going!?” Arnold yelled.

“Home, Arnie. We’re goin’ home.”

Hours later, in the Green Plains…

Jake, after being stuck in the teleportation hole for some time, finally was spat out next to a blue house with a red roof. He sat up, dazed and wondering how he had gotten there, before getting up and holding his arm in pain. He looked around, and immediately wished he hadn’t, for everything looked about as weird as one of his drug trips.

He tried touching the leaves of one of the trees and bounced back 50 feet. He tried getting candy from the gumball machine and it shot out like a machine gun. He noticed some cute animals that looked like bunnies, so he tried to pet one and they attacked him with yarn balls. Even the cars were deadly.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS PLACE!!” Jake yelled to the heavens, completely oblivious of the fact that Bubsy was coming in the rocket outside of his peripheral vision. As the familiar spark of rocket fuel appeared, Bubsy’s rocket descended from the heavens and began making its way back down to Earth.

“Uncle Bubsy?”

“Yeah, kids?”

“How’d we fix this rocket so fast?

“Well…it went a little something like this…”

“Just replace all the boring shit with building a rocket. And by building a rocket, I mean revoking your kids and pet’s salary until you built it for me.”

“Uncle Bubsy, we don’t have salar-” The twins started, before being cut off by a nasally voice.

“Okay, At this point, I just hope that guy kills you to relieve my nightmares. I don’t even care you can hear me, I fucking WANT you to hear me, you degenerate piece of catatonic trash! I FUCKING HATE YOUR GUTS! I WANT TO TURN YOU INTO A CATSKIN RUG! I WANT TO ROLL OVER YOUR BLOODY CORPSE AND PISS ON YOUR GODDAMN GRAVESTONE AND LAUGH ALL THE WAY SO MY SICK LIFE HAS SOME SORT OF STUPID CONCLUSION AND I NEVER HAVE TO SEE YOUR SMUG FACE EVER AGAIN!” Arnold vented to everyone

“Are you done, Arnie?”

“Yeah…yeah I’m done.”

“Good, then off ya go!” Bubsy said, opening the cargo door.

“Go whe-“

Suddenly Arnold was kicked out of the rocket, becoming a speeding death comet heading towards the surface. He may have been small, but the sheer Kinetic Energy of his descent created a giant crater spanning several miles in every direction, a veritable sinkhole, if you will, that even swallowed Jake in its maw, as hard as he tried to escape it.

And in the middle of it was Arnold, who managed to escape unharmed due to his protective shell. “Ohh…when I see Bubsy again I’m gonna give him such a whooping!”

He didn’t have to ponder his vengeance long, for there was suddenly a very audible sound only a few meters away, along with a reddish-orange mushroom cloud. It was the rocket, having made its last and final crash. There was simply nothing left, no doors, no boosters, nothing…except three, blackened, soot-stained bobcats, shaking themselves to be free of the grime.

“Well…that was a thing that happened, right Uncle Bubsy?”

“First of all, stop calling me Uncle Bubsy, it’s annoying. Call me Bubsy, THE HERO! Second…I suppose you two deserve some credit for acting as excellent shields to prevent my death. So you get a reward.”

“What is it, Unc-er, Bubsy THE HERO!?”

“I said you’ll get it, not get it right now. I’m not made of money, for Accolade’s sake!”

They got up and walked around, calling out for their “faithful” armadillo companion, but to no avail. They searched all over the enormous crater with no luck, calling out for the hard-shelled hater, until finally they spotted him, lying facedown on the ground, unmoving.

“Arnie!” Bubsy yelled, racing down the slope to get his armadillo buddy. For at the end of the day, despite all his jabs and jives at the armadillo, he still appreciated and needed him as a friend, and as a wingman to make himself look better. But as soon as he got close…

BANG!

The sound of a gunshot rang out in the air, and Bubsy found that his leg had been shot clean through. More shocked than in pain at first, Bubsy clutched at his leg, confused at how this happened, until he noticed Arnold get up and stand next to Jake.

“A…Arnie?”

“Hmm…yeah. I’m done. You’ve pushed me too far, Bubsy, too far. No longer will I suffer under your idiocy. I’ve found a new partner, one who respects me for who I am, and not just as a punching bag. So I fooled you, fooled you into coming after me so we could end you.” Arnold monologued, an evil smile appearing on his once gentle face.

“Any last words, murderer?” Jake asked.

Bubsy was furious. He had spent so long raising and taking care of that traitorous arma-dilldo, and he turned on him for some asshat biker! 

Well…

“Arnie, you just made the last mistake you will ever make. That, I promise.”

Suddenly, Bubsy took out one of his weapons, that being his Nerf Gun, and cocked it at the duo opposing him. 

“Hasta la vista, babies.”

Bubsy began his ferocious assault, coating the ground with a storm of nerf bullets in an attempt to intercept the fleeing Conway, who was rapidly dodging in between the bullets and around them, Matrix style, Arnold doing the same, until at some point both stopped.

“Hey…hang on a minute. These bullets are NERF darts! There’s literally no danger that can come from th-“

Jake didn’t get to finish his sentence, for Bubsy fired a dart at one of the nearby rocks, turning it into a trading card depicting the visage of Glass Joe.

“The Bubster is always prepared for any eventuality, and all roads lead to BUBSY!”

The battle raged for 59 days, in the prairie of Prax, as those five stubborn Zax stood unbudged in their tracks. Shooting, throwing, tossing and turning, a brawl between them had already been churning. Gunshots were fired, bombs were thrown, until only 2 fighters were standing alone. Their heads held up high, their eyes locked and squared, they edged forward, as close as they dared. They raised their guns, their hearts beating fast, then Bubsy opened his mouth, and said…

“Sorry Conway, you’re DEAD LAST.”

And shot Jake straight in the arm, turning the now useless limb into a trading card.

“RRRRAAAAGGGHHHHH!! You’re dead, you stupid cat! Fight me like a man, and not a pussy!”

“I am a pussy, genius. Is your brain just made of stupid or…”

Unfortunately, by the time he had opened his eyes after his little tirade, Jake was already running away, Arnold hot on his heels.

“Note to self: save dramatic speeches for AFTER you win battles.” said Bubsy, writing on a sticky note he pulled out of nowhere and attaching it to Terrence’s chest, right next to the 500 other ones already there.

“OK, Jake, you may be strong…” Bubsy said, pulling out his jetpack and strapping it to his back. He flipped the switch, as the rocket boosters prepared to lift him into the air.

“But are you FAST ENOUGH!?” Bubsy concluded, as he spread his arms out wide, only for…this to happen.

This went on for a full minute, and it was just incredibly uncomfortable to look at. The jetpack, strapped onto Bubsy’s arms, was threatening to pull them off of his body in its desperate attempts to fly into the sky. Bubsy’s fur bristled and he screeched in agony as his whole body was racked with pain by the upward momentum of his own tool. And all the while, Bubsy’s niece and nephew just stood there, munching on their popcorn as they watched their uncle suffer.

“‘Hmph…they learned from the best, alright.'” Bubsy thought to himself in between rounds of pain, before he finally cleared his throat and yelled “HELP ME STOP THIS JETPACK YOU LITTLE TW-!”

“Jetpack system, deactivated.” said a monotone mechanical voice, and the boosters shut off, allowing Bubsy to kneel and recuperate.

“Sorry for not helping, Uncle Bubsy.” Terrence said.

“Yeah, it’s just you were so funny!” Teresa chimed in.

“When…when we get home, I am going to put you two in a SERIOUS time out!”

“Before you do that, how about you GET A LOAD OF THIS!!”

“Huh…Deja Vu…maybe I’ve been playing too many of those Sonic games for thiev-I mean, inspiration. Yeah, inspiration, that’s it.” Bubsy reminisced, as he looked around to try to find the source of the noise, and found his answer moments later when Jake suddenly flew into the air via hang time from a nearby dirt pile, riding his trusty motorcycle.

“BANZAIIIII!!!!” Jake yelled, his trademark battle cry, as he took out a set of throwing knives. Using his immense strength, Jake held the handlebars with one hand and began chucking knives with the other, throwing with intent to kill. He wasn’t just blindly throwing them either, as the first knife pierced Bubsy’s skin and lodged itself in his rib cage, drawing immense quantities of scarlet blood and drenching the once beautiful greenery with its taint.

“Ack! It’s a TRAP! I’ve been…wounded! It appears that…my time has come! And so…it is about time I share the will to my awesomeness in voice.”

“To my most beautiful girlfriend Oblivia, I give you…my fidget spinner, my golden yarn ball, and half my estate, along with my entire collection of vintage Claws Encounters cartridges. To my pet armadillo before he TURNED INTO A BIG JERK, I WOULD have left my regular yarn balls, my collection of killer disguises, and my toy truck (“OOOOOOH, the TRUCK! Hide me, hide me!” Arnold said in the background).

And to my pride and joy, the thing that makes life worth living, the thing I care the most about…”

The twins leaned in.

“My T-Shirt! I leave you the key to my billion dollar stash, and everything else.”

“What about us, Uncle Bubsy?” the twins complained

“What are you, crazy? You’re like 8 years old, what the hell are you gonna do with inheritance?” Bubsy retorted, before grasping his sides and slowly falling to the ground to lay on his back.

“You know, Uncle Bubsy, you don’t really look that hurt. I think if you just take the knife out and apply some ointment, you’ll be just fi-“

“SSSHHHHH!! THIS IS MY SUPER BIG DRAMATIC DEATH SCENE AND YOU’RE RUINING IT! SO PIPE DOWN!” Bubsy roared.

“Sorry, Uncle Bubsy.”

Jake, meanwhile, was looking over the entire scene with a gaze of equal parts confusion and satisfaction. Swinging his gun over his shoulder, Jake jauntily sauntered forward with a merry gleam in his eye, basking in his victory in stride, Arnold at his side.

“Ooooh…I’ve been waiting for this for a long, LONG time. Time for Bubsy to run out of lives…permanently, hehehe. HAHAHA. AAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHH! Oh, that feels goooooood.” Arnold ranted.

“So, bobcat,” Jake said as he finally closed the gap, “any final requests?”

“Yes…can I eat my corn dog?”

“E…excuse me, what?”

“I’m starvin’ over here, it’s been about 12 hours since I last ate some day old kibble, and muh food tank’s runnin’ on empty. Help a brutha out here, man…” Bubsy pleaded.

“Rrrgh…very well. But make it fast, I’m not a patient man. And I still gotta make you suffer for what you’ve done. I wanna draaag out your punishment for a good long time, until you’re begging to be put down like the mangy fursack that you are.”

Bubsy reached into his pocket and pulled out a corndog, and took his sweet time taking it out of its wrapper. When he finally did, it revealed a very nice looking foodstuff, golden brown cornbread surrounding a delicious hot dog center.

What was decidedly not so nice was the fuse, hidden from sight from all but Bubsy.

“Catch!” Bubsy said suddenly, flinging the corn dog at Jake and hitting him in the head, stunning him for a bit and preventing him from firing a shot into Bubsy’s heart. While Jake was distracted, Bubsy gave a loud whistle that seemed to echo up into the heavens.

From the clouds came Bubsy’s summon, a toy airplane that fired a storm of…yarn balls?…at Jake and Arnold, who were forced to scatter to avoid the storm of ammo. Once the coast was clear, the plane landed on the ground, awaiting Bubsy’s tushy in the seat. Bubsy sat up and brought out his backup plan: A new T-Shirt, healing Bubsy and allowing him to take a little bit more damage so he could set the stage for his master plan to win the fight and become a hero.

Strapping on his aviator’s cap and goggles, Bubsy sat in the pilot’s seat and flicked some switches to restart the propellor, allowing him to once again take to the skies and begin raining more yarn balls on his unfortunate prey.

Bubsy’s assault was relentless. No matter where Jake hid, be it behind a tree, under a house, even in the sewers, Bubsy still flushed him out and peppered him with a thready barrage of doom. But eventually after much running, so much that his heart was giving out, he found his motorcycle and shifted into first gear, popping a wheelie and racing away at lightning fast speeds to avoid the oncoming assault. Reaching into his jacket, he pulled out yet another of his trusty firearms, his S91 Magnum, and fired it behind his back into the sky, trying not to take his eyes off the “road”. Yet Bubsy called upon his inner flight experience and performed a series of corkscrews, curlicues, barrel rolls, and other fancy tricks to dodge all the bullets, or just shoot them out of the sky, creating a series of small explosions that peppered the horizon.

It seemed like the battle was due to end in a stalemate, until Jake fired his very last round. Miraculously, it snaked its way through all of the oncoming yarn bullets, twisting and turning and rebounding until it finally collided with the plane’s fuel tank.

“Uh-oh.” Bubsy said, deadpan. “Looks like the Bubster is going down…down…DOWN!”

As the plane spiraled out of control and began its rapid descent to the ground, Bubsy managed to hit the eject button just in time, rocketing out of his plane like…this.

Just as Bubsy began falling downward, he took off his T-Shirt and stretched it above his head, creating a makeshift parachute and allowing him to float down safely. Or at least he would have, if Jake hadn’t started shooting at him at an incredibly fast rate with his Bull Shot TT1. Bubsy swerved his body left and right in an attempt to avoid the deadly metal shrapnel coming his way, but the bullets were simply too fast to dodge completely, and soon Bubsy felt his body being grazed by the bullets, drawing significant patches of red on his once pristine orange fur, before finally puncturing the T-Shirt and creating a hole, letting in the air and once again allowing Bubsy to fall to the ground at incalculable speed to presumably create a giant furry stain on the ground.

“See, that’s how it would normally go, Mr. Ambiguous Block of Text…” Bubsy began, “but you seem to have forgotten one detail. I’m anatomically disproportionate!”

And with that, Bubsy spread out his limbs and began to slow down, using his Glide ability to reduce the damage of falling so he could live to tell bad jokes another day, using his teleport hole to stop the bullets from hitting him once again, although this time Jake had wizened up to that tactic and began dodging the bullets a la Matrix style, like this:

But while Jake Paul-I mean Jake Conway was busy dodging, Bubsy was able to sneak attack from above, jumping on his head and dealing some minor chip damage, as well as stunning Jake so Bubsy could safely land on the ground, doing a 180 turn and pouncing through the air to land on Jake’s stomach, slashing his claws and making enormous gashes on Jake’s fragile belly, causing blood to spew out in droves.

However, Bubsy was too busy slashing like a maniac to notice how Jake had prepared his own weapon, a stone hatchet, which he slammed into Bubsy’s midsection to send the bobcat crashing into a nearby wooden house, splintering the walls and cracking a support beam, causing chunks of cement and plaster to fall on Bubsy’s exposed head, covering him from head to toe in dust and creating a large, rather cartoonish bump on his head.

Jake was ready to assume that Bubsy was out of the fight, but his own experience today had taught him to never assume the opponent is out until their life points are ou-oh, wait, wrong show.

So Jake edged into the house, gun at the ready, and began kicking at the loose floorboards, looking for any signs of life, until he reached the one at the foot of the stairs, where Bubsy was sitting peacefully, his eyes closed.

Jake pointed his gun without making a sound and prepared to fire, his finger slowly pushing on the trigger…

when Bubsy suddenly sprang to life and WHAM!!!! Hit him on the head with a shovel!

Jake was flung back onto his rear end, blood seeping out of a newly formed welt on his head. Bubsy went to attack with the shovel again…only to be intercepted by Jake’s new crowbar. Bubsy pushed downward as hard as he could, but Jake simply would not give in. They kept pushing, and pushing, until Jake finally heaved Bubsy off of him and made him crash into a barstool. Standing up, Jake leveled his blunt instrument at Bubsy, ready to fight.

Bubsy stood up, also raring to go. He steeled himself, and then uttered the immortal words:

“EN GARD-AY!”

And so the fencing match began, both sides vying for supremacy. Bubsy slashed with his pseudo-saber with such ferocity, but all of his strikes were perfectly countered by Jake’s crowbar. They tussled all around the room, a sequence of parries, thrusts, and overhead slashes accompanying them. The clang of steel on steel was audible to all within a five mile radius, and the shockwaves of their battle shook the earth and created large chasms, lava spewing from them and scorching the landscape

It seemed like a bout that would last for eternity, but eventually Bubsy got cocky and tried to go in for a killing stab, which Jake was easily able to parry, knocking the shovel out of Bubsy’s hand and catching it. Leveling both tools at the now defenseless feline, Jake performed a leg sweep to knock Bubsy off his feet, before swinging both weapons in his hands and pointing them directly at Bubsy’s heart.

“Now…prepare to die, at long last, you annoying sack of fur, to finally bring me peace.”

“Hehe…you say that, but…

OMAE WA, MOU SHINDEIRU.” 

“Dafuq?!” Jake replied.

(stop music)

“Aw…CUT! CUT!“Bubsy yelled, confusing Jake long enough for Bubsy to stand up and stare him in the face.

“What was that? That was all wrong, you ruined the scene!” Bubsy complained.

“Wh-what scene, what are you talking about? Did you hit your head too many times or were just born with a bad case of the stupids?” Jake asked, confused as to why Bubsy was saying more off the wall things than usual. Unbeknownst to Jake, this was simply Bubsy’s-

Bubsy: Ooh, ooh, can I introduce it this time?

JJ: Bubsy? Get the fuck outta here!

Bubsy: Aw, come on, what could PAWSSIBLY GO WRONG!? Besides, you let the egghead nerd in here!

Doof: Hey, I have a name, you know. It’s Heinz. Heinz Doofenshmirtz.

Bubsy: Sorry, Hans Doofenblatz.

Doof: No, Heinz DOOFENSHMIRTZ! What is so hard to get about this name, everyone gets ROGER’S name right.

Bubsy: No need to be touchy, Hals Dookenbert!

Doof: That’s Doofenblatz-I mean Doofenshmirtz! Ah, forget it, that’s why I needed the whole aerosol ozone depletinator thing.

Shadow: Bubsy, just get the fuck out of here or-

Bubsy: My fourth wall awareness allows me to interact with the world outside the screen. Like that guy with the red spandex and twin katanas, who totally ripped me off BTW.

Bowser: Your first appearance was almost 2 years after his, dipshit.

Bubsy: Ooh, check it out! I control the horizontal, I control the vertical, do not attempt to change the channel, I am so spooky nyeh. 

Bowser: …End me. Fucking please, just kill me now. Let me just rewind time and have Ganon explode me about 50 more times.

JJ: Is this going somewhere?

Deadpool: HellloOOOOOOOO!!

JJ: Mmm, I had to ask.

Deadpool: Hey, don’t worry, this time I’m on your side! Can’t have this jackass cramping my style. Pretty soon he might even rip off my catchphrase like he ripped off everything else!

Bubsy: Chilichambos!

Deadpool: He’s not even saying it right, goddamn it!

Bubsy: And now, back to the show!

Jake was still confused as to what the fuck was going on, when Bubsy suddenly stopped talking and turned to face Jake.

“So, you got what I was trying to say about the Omae wa thing?”

“Not a clue.”

“Well…it’s my cue to bring out my ultimate weapon, one I’ve been saving all this time to finish you off in a spectacular blaze of glory. Do you wish to see it?” Bubsy crooned.

“Well, considering you dragged this fight out for as long as it has, I’m sure me and your old pet armadillo here would fucking LOOOOOOVE to see your so called trump card. So go ahead, bring it out, I’ll still stomp your ass into the dust.

“Well then…”

Bubsy got on the ground, face down, and lifted his head up to Jake, with a…rather unsettling look on his face.

“DO IT.”

“W…what?”

“Stomp me hard, baby. Give me a good hard stepping on with your foot.”

“What the fu-“

“STOMP ON ME, ONII-SAN! GIVE ME MY HEART’S DESIRE! DO IT JAKE-SENPAI!!!”

“Fucking NO!”

“Huh?”

“Look, I may be in the market to fuck everyone I see, but even I have standards. And bestiality isn’t really my thing!” Jake said firmly, stamping his foot to make his point clear

“‘Unless Ride to Hell: Route 66 ends up being made. Be grateful it never will.'” Bubsy thought in his head, making sure the then unknown audience could hear it. He then stood up and faced Jake with a look of cold, steely determination.

“Very well. I offered you one chance at amnesty, and you hath rejected it. Forsooth, you shall be swiftly and harshly annihilated by the full force of the Bubsy Empire, mortal. Behold…the prognosticus of your doom.”

From within his pocket, Bubsy took out a strange helmet. It was red, with a visor that covered the eyes and was adorned with two mismatched eyeholes, along with a jumbled mess of coils and tubes on top. This was the Virgil Reality Helmet, Bubsy’s ultimate tool.

“Hey…wait a minute! I thought that thing was destroyed a long time ago!” Arnold said.

“Eh, the egghead built another one and I swiped it, what did you expect? Anyway, now that I have this…your time is up.” Bubsy said, a note of finality edging into his voice as he, with much grandeur, placed the helm atop his noggin, and stared at Jake with a look of triumphant contempt.

“OK, so now you got a funny lookin’ hat. Am I supposed to be intimidated?”

“Maaaybeee…once you see what it can do.”

“So, how about you fill me in, Mr. Great and Powerful Hairball King?”

“Let’s just say…it’s been real nice knowin’ ya.”

Bubsy blinked his eyes twice, and when he opened them, something was…different. Everything seemed as it was before, except for one, rather conspicuous element: Jake, who was now encased in some kind of grey void, and turned into a bunch of rectangular parts held together by only the loosest pixels. Like this:

“&$*#*#*!!!)$)))#!!!” was what came out of the void, in a sort of bubble form, visible to all around.

Doof: Well, at least you’re referencing GOOD media this time…

Shadow: Had to happen eventually, I guess.

Bubsy: C’mon, who could say no to this face?

Even a bastard like me knows to show respect from time to time.

“If you’re wondering how you got in there, it’s really quite simple. You ever heard of a Phantom Zone or Dimension D? Well, this is kinda like that. I call it the 8-Bit Bubsy Boomhouse!“

Bowser: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! Now you’re just making shit up!

Bubsy: Of course! It’s a way to make me seem more exciting, come up with clever action setpieces, and stretch out the reading time of the average viewer, all in one! Aren’t I clever?

Shadow: Not the first word to come to my mind. Roadkill sounds more your thing to me.

Bubsy: Look, if it makes you feel better, this won’t be in the results at all. It’s just nice filler.

JJ: Eh, I’ll let it slide.

Bubsy: Really?

JJ: NOPE! You’re a piece of shit.

Bubsy: Seriously not cool, man. 

JJ: Oh what, being a dick on April Fools isn’t acceptable anymore? What has this world come to, I wonder…

“Basically, it’s another dimension you’re stuck in until I let you out, dingus. And now I’m just gonna sit here and point at laugh at you because this is EXACTLY what heroes do, right? Right?” Bubsy asked for reassurance, blinking twice to summon a lawn chair and some microwaved popcorn in a bowl, as he took a seat and stretched his legs so he could finally relax after a long, hard day of fighting.

Or could he…?

—

Play Music

Jake, struggling to comprehend what had just happened, groggily sat up and looked around through half-shut eyes. But at that point they might as well have been closed, because he couldn’t see anything. Nothing surrounded him but a black void that stretched for seemingly endless miles.

“Oh, great, guess I’m stuck in this damn rat hole forever, huh?” Jake whispered, as he got to his feet and felt in the inky darkness for some kind of solid handhold.

Unexpectedly, his fingers groped something fleshy, organic, and responsive to the touch, making the biker recoil as the object grabbed him and pulled him in close, before whispering deadly poison into his ear.

“Why did you let me die, Jake? Was your revenge worth getting me killed? I could have had my own life, Ellie coulda been mine!”

“M-Mikey?”

And just as quickly the figure changed, and a much gruffer voice came out. “Yeah, you just had to take down Caesar, din’tcha? Even though it cost me my life, the life o’ your poor uncle!”

“Mack? I-I’m sorry, I just couldn’t sav-“

“Couldn’t save me, sure. Just like you couldn’t save anyone. You’re perfectly happy to let people die if it means you walk away scot free with your pretty girls. Well what about now? Where are yo girls now? Gone, just like you’re about to be, you ungrateful l’il piece o’ shit!”

“Mack, Mikey…I’m sorry!” Jake bawled as the angry spirits circled him and formed a titanic storm, scraping away at his skin and drawing blood in a pool around him, which the hapless biker was helpless to stop from sucking him in, his arm disappearing below the surface in seconds.

Despite drowning in a tide of his own blood, it felt strangely cold, floating in an icy blackness like he had never known before. He struggled to hold his breath, but soon his lungs began to give out, and he knew that he was done for unless some sort of miracle happened, like that light that had just appeared above his-

“MMMMMM!!” Jake mumbled, as he desperately flailed his arms in an attempt to reach the surface. Thrashing and kicking as hard as he could, he just managed to breach the surface before his lungs gave out. Hacking and coughing as he tried to get air back into his body, he cleared his eyes and now saw nothing but bright orange tongues of flame, licking away at the town of Dead End in front of him, threatening to destroy everything he cared about.

“No, no, no, no, no…What have I done?” Jake whined, as he put his hands into his face and moaned. But then, miraculously, he heard a familiar voice yet again.

“Hey, Jake.”

“Mack?”

“Yeah, it’s me. Listen, I know you’re still beatin’ yourself up over what happened, but…you gotta realize it wasn’t your fault. You did everything you could. If you keep doubting yourself, you’re never gonna be happy. And that’s what you gotta be, for Ellie’s sake.”

“I don’t know…I’ve done lots of terrible things.”

“Look, I brought Mikey here too.”

“Hey bro. I know you’re still kicking yourself over what happened with the Devil’s Hand, but you couldn’t have done anything. And you avenged me! You avenged our family! You did it.”

“Well…” Jake responded, “I guess I have been kinda thinking about this too hard. I should just let it go, move on…Thanks guys, I love you.”

“We miss you too, Jake. Now wake up. Wake uuuuuppp…” Mack’s voice faded away as the burning world turned black.

Meanwhile, outside of the Bubsy Boomhouse, Bubsy was playing paddleball with a stick and Arnold’s shell, whacking the giant ball back and forth as the poor armadillo was puking his guts out from within the shell.

“Eh, ya know Arnie, I’m kinda thinkin’ that maybe I made this trap a little too good. I mean, how is he gonna break out and continue his villainous deeds in an epic battle outside of some deus ex machina whatchamacallit that bad writas stick into their plots to artificially increase tens-“

Right there, the Boomhouse exploded into millions of pieces which rained down over the battlefield, the wind force tipping Bubsy over onto his back. And from the dust emerged Jake, a bit battered in places but still cocking his trusty shotgun with a look of hatred.

“You’re fucking dead, cat!” Jake yelled as he began firing a spread of shotgun blasts in Bubsy’s general direction, with the bobcat frantically struggling to get to his paws as he leaped and vaulted between every single blast by the skin of his teeth, eventually landing atop a hill as Jake’s gun gave a click, signifying its spent ammo capacity as the biker sighed and pulled out another cartridge.

“Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoa…whoa! WHOA! Hold it right there buddy, I’m not done with my tricks yet! You’re supposed to let me use all my trump cards, that’s how it’s done!”

“This isn’t a game. It’s a deathmatch. And you’re the prey.” Jake deadpanned, loading the cartridge and preparing to fire.

“Then maybe a change of scenery’d be good!” Bubsy responded, as he began concentrating, the Vergil Reality Helmet vibrating and dilating until it finally emitted a powerful blast of light that absorbed Bubsy, Jake, and Arnold.

In another universe, far, far away…

The sound of clashing fists echoed across the empty space, as two gloved fists met in the center of a plain linear arena, belonging to longtime rivals and friends Mario and Sonic, getting in an early training session before the grueling day of tournaments that was about to commence.

“So-a…I heard-a you’re gettin’ a movie next-a year!” Mario offhandedly remarked as he performed a breakdance kick, with Sonic leaping over it.

“Well, yeah, but…kinda wish they hadn’t bothered. At least your movie doesn’t look like garbage.” Sonic remarked as he stomped downward and bounced off Mario’s head, leaving the plumber scrambling to pull his cap back up off of his eyes as Sonic prepared a powerful punch.

“I’m-a sure it’ll be a-ok-“

A blinding white suddenly struck Final Destination, sending the two fighters back a long ways as out of the light came Jake and Bubsy, tumbling to the ground with an audible thud.

Quickly, Bubsy rose to his feet and looked around, letting out a low whistle. “Ya see, THIS is a good place to have a scrap!”

“Oh no…” Sonic mumbled as he springboarded himself into the air by his hands and landed right in front of Bubsy. “Look, man, we already told you you can’t be in Smash Bros.!”

“Ah, don’t worry, we ain’t stayin’! We’re just here to settle a little problem and move on, ain’t that right friend?”

“I hate you, so much.” Jake replied.

“See, we’re all friends here!”

Mario and Sonic exchanged a reproachful look before turning back to Bubsy. “So, you gonna let us stay and duke it out?” Bubsy questioned.

“No-a wa-“

“Absolutely!” Sonic replied, placing his hand on Mario’s shoulder. “Stay and fight as long as you want.”

“Wha-” Mario began, only to be cut off by Sonic’s hand over his mouth as he turned the plumber away and started walking, letting the two fighters get out of earshot before uncovering the plumber’s mouth.

“What-a are you doing?” Mario whispered, as Sonic looked back in apprehension before turning to face him.

“Look, if they fight each other, there’s a very good chance they may make themselves so exhausted they’ll never wanna come back here. Problem solved.” Sonic replied.

“But what-a if they try to-a kill each other?”

“Then we’ll…eventually step in and stop it. No big deal!”

“Okay…that does sound nice as a possibility…” Mario responded, as the two self-destructed to go back to the Smash mansion.

“Well…now that we’ve got this place to ourselves…it’s time to finish this!” Bubsy triumphantly boasted, as he tapped into the power of his helmet and miraculously grew about 10 times his size, until a giant bobcat was staring Jake down with a catlike grin.

“Wuh-oh.” Jake commented, as Bubsy extended his claws and prepared to strike, Jake taking out his pistols in response.

Jake started by firing his twin pistols at Bubsy’s head, but the bullets were so insignificant next to the titanic tom that they bounced off and clattered to the ground, Bubsy no worse for wear as he patted his shirt.

“Oh, fu-” Jake started, only to get a haymaker right to the face that sent the biker sprawling to the ground. He touched his nose and realized it was bleeding, and his anger rose even more. No matter what, he was going to finish this bobcat off, once and for all.

“Hehe, is that all ya got, buddy?” Bubsy taunted, making an L on his forehead.

“Not…even close. Get a load of this!” Jake yelled, as he pulled out a rocket launcher and fired it at Bubsy’s chest, creating a large explosion that sent shockwaves all throughout Final Destination as the enormous cat toppled onto his back, the helmet atop his head dropping and landing next to Jake’s feet, with the biker picking it up out of curiosity.

“Time to take this baby for a test drive!” Jake excitedly remarked as he placed the helmet atop his head, and began concentrating as hard as he could while Bubsy tried to find his footing and gazed with a sense of apprehension and intrigue over what was to come next as huge jets of flame surrounded Jake and closed in on him.

Soon they evaporated into cinders, and Jake was still there, but now seated atop one of the most badass motorcycles you would ever see. It was black like ash, with bloodred accents, tailpipes emitting more exhaust than the average New Jersey turnpike, and adorned with a skull emblem with devil horns.

“I call it the Ride to Hell. Like it?” Jake taunted.

“Yeah! Now we got ourselves a fight for the ages! Show me whatcha got!” Bubsy replied, excitement on his face over his first true challenge. Jake, however, was just annoyed. 

“You kill my girlfriend and desecrate my family’s tombstones and that’s how you wanna do this? Alright, but don’t expect any mercy, shitbag!” Jake roared, as he revved up his bike’s engines and took off at high speed, ramming right into Bubsy’s chest and leaving a defined wheel mark on his T-Shirt as the cat was forced to cling to the side of Final Destination to survive.

Not giving up, Bubsy hoisted himself up and performed a breakdance kick that sent Jake flying away at high speeds as he crashed into the platform, with Bubsy running towards him as fast as his giant frame could allow. Jake barely had enough time to dodge out of the way before pressing one of the buttons on his new ride, unleashing twin gatling guns that blasted away at Bubsy’s skin with no remorse, rocking the cat’s body back and forth before finally unleashing one last concentrated stream that slammed right into Bubsy’s chest and knocked the bobcat far away from the stadium, riddled with bullet holes that spurted blood like a sprinkler, until it disappeared from sight with a pillar of light and explosion signifying his knockout.

“Last train to hell. Hope you like the express.” Jake joked, as he looked around in an attempt to find a way out. However, unbeknownst to him…

“IT AIN’T OVER YET, PAL!” 

“What?” Jake mumbled, confused as to how he was still talking. But then, all of the space around Final Destination began collapsing in on itself, with even the stars and galaxies in the background swirling together into one place, until there was nothing but blank white space all around them. Then all of the galactic matter condensed together and solidified in order to form Bubsy’s body once again, only this time he was about the size of a planet, and was nothing more than an ethereal mass of cosmos.

“Do you see these atoms all around us? There’s plenty of ’em in each level! Aren’t these Death Battle writers wonderful!?” Bubsy boomed, his voice shaking the entire void world they now found themselves in.

“Ah, fuckin’ hell, shut up! My god, just give me a few damn seconds of silence, is that too much to fucking ask!?” Jake yelled, holding his ears in pain over the loud noise.

“AHAHAHAHAHAHA!” 

Bubsy laughed in sarcasm as he kicked around like a kid on crack as Jake struggled to avoid the sweeping leg movements. Finally, the killer of the Devil’s Hand leaped over Bubsy’s leg, took out his trusty combat knife, and stabbed downward, miraculously cutting deep into solid matter as he twisted the knife deeper into the…flesh?

Unfortunately, the pain was little more than a beesting to Bubsy as he picked Jake up and flicked him into the ground at lightspeed, creating a massive crater.

“Ow.”

As Bubsy maniacally cackled away, Jake painfully got to his knees and felt his rib cage. He swore, right then and there, that he could feel them cracking beneath his gentle touch, and he knew this next round would be the last, win or lose.

“So…let’s get to it.” Jake muttered in a low tone, as he concentrated with the helmet one last time, and felt the energy of years of technological blood, sweat and tears pour into him all at once, until he too was of a planetary class in size, standing eye to eye with the giant bobcat with a look of undisguised hatred.

“Let’s go.” Jake said with finality.

“Eh, sure why not, bub…sy?” Bubsy replied, even now continuing to crack jokes nonstop, despite the fact that the ensuing clash could very easily tear the world apart.

…

…

And then the two charged.

Bubsy attacked first, throwing a light jab that still generated enough wind force to create miniature tornadoes all around them, smashing into Jake’s jaw and making the biker recoil. Without a second to lose, Jake retaliated with a powerful headbutt right to Bubsy’s skull that forced the bobcat a few hundred meters back.

Pressing his advantage, Jake grabbed hold of Bubsy’s legs and began spinning the enormous cat around in a circle like the world’s largest top, before hurling his quarry into a remaining moon, shattering it and splintering Bubsy’s back with enormous moon shards that stung like venom.

“Ah, that smarts!” Bubsy grimaced, as he ripped one of the shards out of his back, celestial blood gushing, and drove it right into Jake’s side, causing the desert warrior to reel back and clutch his wounded hip and stare with a look of anger.

“You fuckin’ asshole!” Jake screamed as he grappled with Bubsy and wrestled the cat to the ground, before beginning a brutal series of downward punches straight into Bubsy’s face, not relenting even when his fists became coated with blood and Bubsy’s features looked more akin to squashed meat than a face. As Jake reeled back to deliver the death blow, Bubsy used his powerful hind legs to kick upward straight into Jake’s midsection, sending the road fighter into the air. As he came down, Bubsy leaned his foot back, and with a strength he had never utilized before, kicked Jake in the stomach so hard that it almost tore a hole through his chest, as Jake smashed his head on a nearby galactic cluster and fell over, unconscious.

“Aha, yes! Booyah!” Bubsy shrieked, as he walked over lazily and picked Jake up by the throat and held him tight. With the other arm, he extended backward and charged it with powerful orange energy, strong enough to create a singularity around Bubsy’s country sized knuckles.

“Ya won’t really feel this, mug, so I’m just gonna spell it out for you: Hasta la bye-bye!” Bubsy mocked as he prepared to strike.

Eyes fluttering open briefly, Jake saw his life flash before his eyes briefly as Bubsy’s fist came towards him at incredibly lethargic speed. With only seconds to act, Jake reached for his back, and in one fluid motion made his motorcycle appear from nothing and smack Bubsy in the face hard, quite proud as he felt the satisfying crack of teeth breaking.

“Aw, are you still playin’ around!” Bubsy questioned, giving a toothy grin.

“Not anymore.” Jake responded, as he began grappling with Bubsy in a power struggle so fierce that even the ground itself was shaking and threatened to collapse in on itself. Jake and Bubsy could feel their knuckles straining and cracking beneath the pressure of the other’s strong grip, and slowly their knees began to buckle as they attempted to get the upper hand on each other.

Eventually, however, Jake’s sheer strength and training began to shine through as he slowly overpowered Bubsy, bringing the bobcat down to his knees and crushing his fingers as Bubsy almost shed a tear of pain.

“Aw, what’s the matter? Cat got your tongue? Well now I’ve got the cat!” Jake mocked as he picked up Bubsy, held him above his head, and threw him high into the air in one fluid motion, Bubsy screeching all the way as he flew higher into the stratosphere.

“Oh, no, you’re not gettin’ away.” Jake said to himself, as he hopped on his enormous motorcycle and revved up the engines to fly into the sky, the tailpipes emitting rocket blasts to propel him higher. Once he was hundreds of feet above the ground, he began spinning with his bike, faster and faster, until he was nothing more than an enormous cyclone, a hurricane, a typhoon ready to rip his opponent to pieces.

Bubsy, meanwhile, had had enough. He steadied himself, and concentrated all of his remaining cosmic energy into one final beam. With the strength of his pet armadillo, his niece and nephew, and the knowledge that nothing could possibly go wrong, Bubsy sucked in air…and then released the power of the:

“GIGA NYAAAAAAN BEEEAAAAAAAAMMMMM!!!”

A massive laser formed entirely from poptart cats erupted from Bubsy’s palms and fired at incredible speed towards Jake, who was still spinning like a massive drill as it pierced through Bubsy’s Nyan Beam and began a clash that sent shockwaves all throughout the world, leaving massive scars all over the white space.

“Ah, just give it up, nyaaaah…” Bubsy insisted, as he continued to fire his laser.

“RRRAAAAAAGGGGHHH! I’M GONNNA KILL YOUUUUUUU!” Jake yelled back as he spun even faster than before, his centrifugal force becoming so great that Bubsy’s laser began to break apart.

“No, no!!!!” Bubsy yelled as he put more energy into his attack, channeling even his own life force, but ultimately it meant nothing as Jake steamrolled through and drove right through Bubsy’s chest!

The impact left a clean hole in the bobcat’s stomach, bleeding profusely as the wisecracking cat breathed what would be his last agonized gasps as he fell to the ground with a look of shock etched onto his features.

“Et…Et tu, Jake?” Bubsy coughed as his eyes sightlessly stared towards the heavens before finally glazing over.

With a sigh of relief, Jake dismounted his bike and stared at the motionless body of his most annoying adversary, and gave a harsh laugh.

“Hmph. Take that, rathole.”

“Aw, you’re too kind.”

Before Jake could even process what was happening, he felt a hand drive its way through his skull and squish his brain to pieces. He was dead before he hit the floor, and standing behind him was Bubsy, looking just as arrogant and cocky as before.

“So, I bet you’re wonderin’ how I managed to survive that little scrap? Well, it’s real easy and clean to ‘splain it to y’all, so I’ll try my best. Mmhmm…so one of my last wishes was to use the power of the Vergil Reality Helmet whenever I wanted, so I just kinda magicked all of its powers to me. So when I died, I used that power to summon the spirits of Ugandan Knuckles and Big Chungus to resurrect myself and win. Isn’t that cool?”

…

“Don’t applaud all at once…”

: Well…that was interesting.

: More annoying, if you ask me.

: I’m just glad they finally shut the hell up. Sweet Jesus, that was awful.

: Ah, well ya know…that was pretty alright, methinks. A very alright scrap for very awful characters.

: I see humility is not a strong suit of yours

: Hey, don’t use words I don’t know the meaning of, K?

: Look, the time for witty banter can come after we discuss why Bubsy won. Alright?

: Yeah, fine. While this fight was definitely close in a lot of areas, ultimately Bubsy had just enough advantages to take home the gold.

: Starting off with strength and durability, Bubsy is at bare minimum Wall Level via being able to tank a rollercoaster running into him at full speed, and damaging opponents capable of harming him. The Vergil Reality helmet also is able to make its user as large as a building, meaning Bubsy with the helmet maxes out at Building level strength and durability. Compare this to Jake, who is only Street Level via being able to tank gunshots and harm those who can harm him, and Bubsy has a very clear cut edge, with or without the helmet.

: As for speed, both are roughly even. Bubsy can dodge electricity from Woolies, and Jake can dodge gunfire, so they’re both roughly in the Subsonic+ to Supersonic range. Jake even has the edge in terms of combat training and the deadliness of his weaponry due to using actual guns. However, what Bubsy lacks in terms of deadliness, he makes up for with hax. Bubsy has plenty of shields, many forms of invincibility, and most importantly his NERF gun, which is capable of transmuting enemies into cards. Needless to say if Jake was hit by this thing, he’d be dead, and he doesn’t really have a counter to it. And while he can dodge gunfire, he can’t dodge Bubsy’s NERF gun forever, especially since Bubsy can tank pretty much all of Jake’s weapons.

: Overall, in spite of Jake’s small advantages in skill and weaponry, Bubsy was just a bit too much for the shell-shocked war vet to handle. In the end, Jake took his own ride to hell…and ain’t comin’ back.

: The winner is Bubsy, the cat-atonic catastrophe!

 

 

Winner(Bubsy):
+Stronger
+More Durable
++More hax weaponry
+More experience
=/+Speed (Laser dodge)
-Less fighting skill
-Less deadly weaponry

Loser(Jake Conway):
+More fighting skill
+More deadly weaponry
=/-Speed
-Less durable
-Less Attack Potency
-Weaponry is fairly standard compared to Bubsy’s arsenal